Lionhearted1

My mind always takes me back to the first drink, if I think I can drink and get away with it I will...........

I start out never wanting to drink and then as the days turn to weeks I cave in and drink the ill stop again for a period then drink..

Iam not complaining because I used to drink every day now I drink every 2 weeks or so, does anyone else have this experience.??

nogard

My relapse after 19 years drug free lasted 11 years and at the end I would try and quit and end up crying in a bar because I couldnt stop not for more than a few hours.

At the end I asked for help and was loved back to life. Their are many paths to recovery. The thing is we have to take one and do the work, mostly the same things, dont pick up, look at ourselves, be open to healing ourselves and to let those around us heal.

You are on the way as you have the desire to stop.

Stay here, keep talking and listening.

Kevin

Thepatman

I second Kevin. Just don't pick up the first one.

Recovery1983

Hello Lionhearted,

Before I got sober, I tried many different ways of drinking in order to get around from quitting completely. Let's just say that I failed every time and then some. I am an addict, and my thing was alcohol and prescription pills. After everything i've gone through, I still find myself thinking that I can get away with just a little. I didn't try every way of trying to "control" my addiction, and the thought that there still is a way to "control", is very dangerous.

I've been drinking for the majority of my 20's, and I'm 29 now. Currently, I have been sober for 6 months, but this was definitely not my first time attempting to stop. Your drinking every 2 weeks or so reminds me of my early to mid 20's. If you are anything like me, it will progressively get worse, and possibly more severe consequences to come. It's always easier in hindsight, but hopefully you don't have to go down this path like I did.

I'm not sure if you have, but have you checked out any of the AA meetings in your area? You'll find a lot of people with similar situations, and probably hear your own story shared by others. I suggest that you come up with a plan that will, on a daily basis, remind you why you decided to quit drinking. If the reasons for quitting drinking is fresh in your head, when you hit that two week mark, hopefully the feeling of Day 1 kicks in and deters you from picking up the first.

MycoolFitz

I think it is called alcoholic. I sure have my share of relapses. My best

Dee74

I found whether I drank every day or every week I was still chained to my addiction, and I always ended up back in the same place - sooner or later.

Change was key for me lionhearted.

I had to change my life - what I did, where I did it and who I did it with.

I had to change my priorities - no matter what my head told me I needed to take drinking off the table as a viable option

I had to be prepared to face craving and rationalisations and to make different decisions.

I had to accept that this was likely to be an uncomfortable process and it would be for a while.

I had to accept that I needed help and needed to learn to reach out before I got in trouble.

I'd really encourage you to look at what you've been doing so far lionhearted- do you think it's been enough? what do you think you should add?

what are you prepared to do?
D

Xune

I'm wondering, is there anyone else in your life, other than others dependent on alcohol or a Doctor, that you have an addiction to alcohol?

I ask, only because having told my wife, I've found strength and accountability in having told her.

In fact, I told her that should I ever start drinking again...she should take that as a sign that she should leave me, which wouldn't be a difficult thing to do, as she no longer wishes to be married to a drunk.



That works for me. It's kind of like an outside source of accountability for me. I don't want, nor deserve a second chance.

This is it, this is my time to shine...now. I think about alcohol every day and a little voice, a very weak voice mind you, urges me to drink.

Drinking is not an option anymore.

That voice can go and **** itself.

Fernaceman

This used to happen to me a lot, Lion. It's the disease at work. It tells us that "this time will be different." They say cunning, BAFFLING, and powerful for a reason. In my experience this has proven true time and time again.

Change4Better

I am right there with you Lion. It haunts me. I sit here, at this very moment, with drinks in my system and reading the forums. I am a complete split personality. I want to stop forever...and after a while I drink like it was the first time. It is so comforting to know there are others like me. Keep posting and we can find our way out of this cycle together!

Elisabeth888

Two weeks is progress! Now you can stop at one day and begin again.

As a former chronic relapser this is what I think: When you are ready, you will want to be sober more than you want to drink. You will feel like crap, want to drink, but you will not because the memory of what your last drink did and how awful it made you feel will be too strong. You will realize that drinking does not make you feel better.

Think about it: the outcome of drinking is NEVER positive. It never made you say "Man, I sure am glad I drank. It was so great"

You can do it, Lion! I know you can. If I can, you can.

Fernaceman

You can do this, Change. As it states above there read was NEVER a time I was glad and proud that I gave in. Truth is, it does take some courage and will-power to stop that first drink once and for all. You just need to put some sort of program into your sobriety to improve your spiritual fitness. You have a thinking problem more than a drinking problem.

God Bless.

Rose2012

I felt that way for a long time too. I would go a day or two then "need" to drink, beat myself up for relapsing and start the process all over again. I think that I have realized that I stopped for the wrong reasons, I relapsed recently because of this. Now I'm stopping for me because I hate that "version" of me. Basically I just decided that I want "me" back, the sober me who was happy, successful and filled with love, compassion and gratitude. Plus I found that my most dangerous times were when I was bored. I'm now doing everything possible to keep as busy as I can. I hope you find your way.

RobbyRobot

You know, you can't return to drinking if you don't pick up. This itself is a change. With that change already working, this will bring you to more opportunities to continue to change. Do the next right thing and make the changes that keep that alcoholic drink outta your hand. Keep going with it. Its working and keeping you drink free at that point.

Eventually, that drink will also be outta your thoughts, and as your thinking changes, you'll soon be fully living the sober life, and you'll not think about going back as an attractive choice. You'll much rather just keep on doing it right.

It all seems so simple, eh?

You can do this, Lionhearted.

DoubleBarrel

I did that for a long time, which then slid back into daily drinking, and then a bunch of things that are still hard to talk about.

It will get worse and worse. I guarantee it.
Once you have stopped for a couple weeks, you have to figure out how to defeat that voice that tells you it's ok to go have a drink. That voice gets weaker over time. The two weeks thing is just exhausting.

Delilah1

Hi Lionhearted,

You can do this. Remember how you felt when you dumped that wine the other day.

Remember you are the strong and the brave lion. Sending hugs, and positive thoughts your way.

EternalQ

In my limited experience of nine months sobriety, I believe we must be prepared to do whatever it takes to beat this. Whatever it takes.

I would rather be very uncomfortable temporarily in the short term then ambivalent and ashamed and afraid forever. That's what it took. The fact is, you can NOT have it both ways.

Alcohol took too much from me. By comparison I have never had such consistent contentment as I do with this sustained period of sobriety. It is really hard to argue with. But you won't know that until you stay continuously sober.

But don't take my word for it. Find out for yourself!

DisplacedGRITS

Lionhearted1, i couldn't stay stopped until i realized i wasn't fighting against the 3rd or 5th drink. my true fight is against the first one. after that, i am lost. there is no "occasional drink" or "controlled drinking." if i drink, i'm eventually going to drink enough to regret the first drink. i may be able to get away with casual drinking for a short while, but i'll regress to my old ways before long and i'll regret what got me there. my only choice is to drink or not to drink. i have chosen not to drink. it's the only answer that gives me peace. i'm tired of fighting with alcohol. i'm tired of playing it's game. so i'm out. i'm done. are you? i couldn't hold myself accountable. i couldn't tell myself "2 beers" and stick to it. so i had to cut myself off. the only accountability i could get right was the no drinking because compared to trying to limit myself, not drinking is easy!

it was harder in the beginning and i had to have some pride in myself because at the end of the day, i knew that i could sneak a drink and i would be the only one that knew. before i got sober, i would sneak that drink because i was the only one that knew. when i started getting sober, i couldn't sneak that drink because i knew. and it actually mattered that i knew. personal accountability is a must. you have to hold yourself to a standard. you absolutely must do this. i dare say you will not get and stay sober until you do. take some pride in yourself and hold yourself accountable. you are the most important person in your sobriety. your opinion of yourself matters. if you're trying to stay sober and you drink and blow it off, you're undermining your opinion of yourself. alcohol does this to us. it's up to us to build it back up. lean on your sober community as well. we'll tell you that you're doing well when you're doing well. we'll help you build yourself back up but you've gotta come here before you drink. make the changes in yourself and make the hard decisions. it's hard work but it's worthwhile work. you're worth it. believe that.

nonblondechef

I used to get blackout drunk watching Intervention, all the while wondering why THOSE people had such a hard time just quitting. When I was sober, I was always afraid I was going to be one of THOSE people. Alcohell is no place to live. Been there, done that - isn't that your tag line, Lion? Have the courage to silence your beast, one day at a time. In the January class, our motto is Onward and Upward. You can do this - myself and many, many others are rooting for you! Happy sober Sunday! Hugs, NBC

Magnificent7

I wish you luck LionHearted, I've seen your posts. I know you are committed, just don't give in. The drinking once every 2 weeks really feels like a false sense of security. The progressive nature of the disease will ensure that that contract between you and your BEAST will be temporary at best.

Windancer

Oh how I can relate. I used to drink daily ALL DAY, then maybe several times a week, and now the pattern seems to have changed to once every week or two. I feel very determined, and will for days, then BAM!!!!!!!, its like a spell comes over me and I put myself back at square one despite the things Ive put in place to prevent myself from doing so. However, I feel I am going in the right direction and learning along the way. o Im trying very hard to pick myself up, and carry on. I have improved MUCHO but obviously I still have a long way to go.
We can do it Lionheat
It is nice to know Im not the only one with this pattern. Oh, and I know how it feels to think "if I can get away with it I will". Well, that thought pattern has to go. I need to do this for myself. At the end of the day, I still know, and it is like betraying myself.