Old Timer's in Recovery!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Old Timer's in Recovery!
Hi to all the OLd Timers here!
I am 61, and have been in recovery for 25 years.
Would love to here the thoughts of others who are not newly sober, but have been there for many years.
Sometimes I forget where I came from, and how difficult it was . Do you have trouble relating to the newcomers when trying to help them? It has been so long for me. Antidepressants were just beginning to be used when I began my recovery. AA was the ONLY game in town, and I never fit in there, just pretty much sucked it up and did it minute to minute.
I know this much, there have been many times I wondered if I could have just one drink from time to time, like some of the New thinking!!!.......I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it, cause I know miracles don't happen very often. Me stopping the first time was truly a miracle, a gift.
Never the less I tell all my friends when the time comes and I have only a few weeks to live---bring in the booze and the cigarettes by the truckload and I will die happy
I am 61, and have been in recovery for 25 years.
Would love to here the thoughts of others who are not newly sober, but have been there for many years.
Sometimes I forget where I came from, and how difficult it was . Do you have trouble relating to the newcomers when trying to help them? It has been so long for me. Antidepressants were just beginning to be used when I began my recovery. AA was the ONLY game in town, and I never fit in there, just pretty much sucked it up and did it minute to minute.
I know this much, there have been many times I wondered if I could have just one drink from time to time, like some of the New thinking!!!.......I break out in a cold sweat just thinking about it, cause I know miracles don't happen very often. Me stopping the first time was truly a miracle, a gift.
Never the less I tell all my friends when the time comes and I have only a few weeks to live---bring in the booze and the cigarettes by the truckload and I will die happy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
I dunno if I'm an old timer recovery wise lol but I don't have any trouble remembering what it was like or relating to newcomers - then again I spend a lot of time in this forum 
The deathbed question comes up a lot.
As many of you know I recently had a friend die....he wasn't one of us, but the dignified and principled way he faced his own mortality really inspired me. I'll never forget that.
I love the sober life I've built and I love who I am sober - I've spent a lot of time on it.
I understand fear, but I can't really see the point on turning my back on all I've worked for and all I've shared here, even if I was dying.
D
The deathbed question comes up a lot.
As many of you know I recently had a friend die....he wasn't one of us, but the dignified and principled way he faced his own mortality really inspired me. I'll never forget that.
I love the sober life I've built and I love who I am sober - I've spent a lot of time on it.
I understand fear, but I can't really see the point on turning my back on all I've worked for and all I've shared here, even if I was dying.
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi and Welcome!
I'm glad you found us and that you were able to stop drinking and recover.
I don't have trouble at all relating to the newcomers. I've been in recovery for 12 years, but the feelings from the last months of drinking won't be easily forgotten. I never want go there again. I'm not an AA person either, but have relied on books and then found my way to SR about 9 years ago. I definitely do not plan to drink the last weeks of my life.
I'm glad you found us and that you were able to stop drinking and recover.
I don't have trouble at all relating to the newcomers. I've been in recovery for 12 years, but the feelings from the last months of drinking won't be easily forgotten. I never want go there again. I'm not an AA person either, but have relied on books and then found my way to SR about 9 years ago. I definitely do not plan to drink the last weeks of my life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Hi There Trixmixer! Yes, i've got 24 years, not beers, under my belt. I can't say I really fantasize about drinking. Don't really think of it. Yes, it has occurred to me that, when I'm on my deathbed, I might call for a potion and yet even that fantasy hasn't much appeal. They say that they offered Commodore Vanderbilt some champagne when he was dying and that he said, "Won't sody water do instead?"
Yes, I do get an impression that younger folks with less sobriety may feel more at home with their age group than with graybeards like us who go around saying how long they've been sober. Do you suppose there is a forum or site on SR for old geezers with mucho sobriety? Like some kind of general store where we can wear suspenders, sit in rockers and aim at the spittoons?
Well anyway I lurk here at SR and every now and then put my two cents in. But let's face it. Back in those old days there were actually people who only drank alcohol. No "recreational drugs". I remember the first tranquilizer, called Miltown for some reason. Don't recall anyone tripping out on that. And those "illegal" drugs were stuff you saw in the films and figured that only gangsters did that. Or gamblers, like Frank Sinatra playing "The Man with the Golden Arm". The only thing for "decent" folks to do was to get boatloads of alcohol and drink yourself to death. Many did just that.
W.
Yes, I do get an impression that younger folks with less sobriety may feel more at home with their age group than with graybeards like us who go around saying how long they've been sober. Do you suppose there is a forum or site on SR for old geezers with mucho sobriety? Like some kind of general store where we can wear suspenders, sit in rockers and aim at the spittoons?
Well anyway I lurk here at SR and every now and then put my two cents in. But let's face it. Back in those old days there were actually people who only drank alcohol. No "recreational drugs". I remember the first tranquilizer, called Miltown for some reason. Don't recall anyone tripping out on that. And those "illegal" drugs were stuff you saw in the films and figured that only gangsters did that. Or gamblers, like Frank Sinatra playing "The Man with the Golden Arm". The only thing for "decent" folks to do was to get boatloads of alcohol and drink yourself to death. Many did just that.
W.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 590
I've been sober for 14 years and have no trouble relating to newcomers at all. I use this place to keep myself grounded as even with 14 years I could easily make a mistake and become a newcomer all over again.
I don't know if I'm actually any help to anyone but it sure helps me to try. I sure wish I had the opportunity to have had a resource like SR when I stopped drinking.
I don't know if I'm actually any help to anyone but it sure helps me to try. I sure wish I had the opportunity to have had a resource like SR when I stopped drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Dee I like your answer alot.
My mom passed away from cancer related to cigarettes and her lifetime of drinking. When she learned she only had a few months to live she quit both. I will never forget her courage, trough the pain. If there is a heaven and redemption like I hope, then she is sitting beside the one.
My mom passed away from cancer related to cigarettes and her lifetime of drinking. When she learned she only had a few months to live she quit both. I will never forget her courage, trough the pain. If there is a heaven and redemption like I hope, then she is sitting beside the one.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Hello trix:
I'll be 69 next birthday and got sober in '89.
I attend AA meetings regularly and can't remember the last time I entertained the thoughts of a drink. I was at a meeting this evening and sat at a table with 5 others, I was the youngest in terms of sobriety.. my 23 yrs was the least of the others. Most were well over 30.
I've known quite a few AAs to pass away sober over the years and can't think of one who went back to drinking in the end.
I do find it hard to identify with the newcomers sometimes as drinking isn't my problem today ... living sober is. But it gets better as time goes by.
All the best.
Bob R
I'll be 69 next birthday and got sober in '89.
I attend AA meetings regularly and can't remember the last time I entertained the thoughts of a drink. I was at a meeting this evening and sat at a table with 5 others, I was the youngest in terms of sobriety.. my 23 yrs was the least of the others. Most were well over 30.
I've known quite a few AAs to pass away sober over the years and can't think of one who went back to drinking in the end.
I do find it hard to identify with the newcomers sometimes as drinking isn't my problem today ... living sober is. But it gets better as time goes by.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: SE Arizona
Posts: 1,099
I'm 75 this year and was sober for over 30 years having quit drinking for very good, and scary, reasons when I was in my 40's.
I started drinking again a few years ago when my wife was diagnosed with a lung disease that would kill her without a lung transplant. She was accepted into a transplant program and then the waiting started for a suitable donor. We were on two hours notice to get to the hospital: a very short leash. At this time, because of the stress and because having a glass or two of wine in the late afternoon was something we could share, I started drinking again.
Well, my wife got her new lungs and is doing miraculously well. For me, the stress is gone but I have been struggling with my drinking. I am now about 8-9 months sober with a slip or two behind me but am still working hard at not thinking about drinking. I was able to quit mostly by myself, with the assistance of this forum, but it is still on my mind more than I would like and a slip is still only a hairsbreadth away.
In my experience, regardless of how many years of sobriety you have behind you, for an alcoholic there is never a cure: You can't go back to being a moderate, social drinker no matter how lovely it would be. It is this part of alcoholism that I share with newcomers. I actually thought I could safely start again after all the intervening years. Boy, was I wrong!
I started drinking again a few years ago when my wife was diagnosed with a lung disease that would kill her without a lung transplant. She was accepted into a transplant program and then the waiting started for a suitable donor. We were on two hours notice to get to the hospital: a very short leash. At this time, because of the stress and because having a glass or two of wine in the late afternoon was something we could share, I started drinking again.
Well, my wife got her new lungs and is doing miraculously well. For me, the stress is gone but I have been struggling with my drinking. I am now about 8-9 months sober with a slip or two behind me but am still working hard at not thinking about drinking. I was able to quit mostly by myself, with the assistance of this forum, but it is still on my mind more than I would like and a slip is still only a hairsbreadth away.
In my experience, regardless of how many years of sobriety you have behind you, for an alcoholic there is never a cure: You can't go back to being a moderate, social drinker no matter how lovely it would be. It is this part of alcoholism that I share with newcomers. I actually thought I could safely start again after all the intervening years. Boy, was I wrong!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
For some of us, the struggle is never over, no matter how long it has been since we drank. The voice of our alcoholism still has those believing that they can drink again someday, somehow. The most famous alcoholic of all begged for whiskey for days right up until his last breath.
I think that we can still learn to be permanently unconditionally sober, even with years of conditional, 'sober for now' sobriety. It rests on that question - are we ready to make a plan for our future use of alcohol?
I think that we can still learn to be permanently unconditionally sober, even with years of conditional, 'sober for now' sobriety. It rests on that question - are we ready to make a plan for our future use of alcohol?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Freshstart said, "It rests on that question - are we ready to make a plan for our future use of alcohol?"
That's an easy one for me. My plan for my future use of alcohol is that I have no use for it.
W.
That's an easy one for me. My plan for my future use of alcohol is that I have no use for it.
W.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 583
21 years here. I don't miss it. Might have a dream once in a blue moon. I hate the smell and like the idea that my words and actions are my own not something out of a bottle. In ways I do have a difficulty relating ...more empathy issue as I'm like suck it up... It gets better. I have been through many things sober so I know staying sober is possible if God is my center.
I don't think I would die that quick if I picked up a drink again. Long hard solo road. I'll pass thank you very much. My 1st wife died with in 4 years after picking up again.
AG
I don't think I would die that quick if I picked up a drink again. Long hard solo road. I'll pass thank you very much. My 1st wife died with in 4 years after picking up again.
AG
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Thank you to:
Dee 74 Wpainterw 2grandaughters
Anna Zanzibar least
Pondlady Thepatman Cascabel...and Auvers
I do not think I could of asked for a better cross section of people than those kind enough to respond to my post above.
Thanks for taking the time and sharing what it is like for you after many years of sobriety....and Congratulations--your stories and answers were inspirational.
I suppose you have made me realize there is still the selfishness of alcoholism left in my system.
Your resolve is such it embarrasses me to even say this, but I still would give anything to have a drink. Needless to say when I have nothing else to loose, no one to hurt, no one left to care, I would like to have a hell of a going away party----there are still those selfish ,childish, wants .
To hear your stories, even the ones who have relapsed and come back is one of the things I find truly courageous. It is just that when I think back to the days at the beginning of sobriety, they just seemed to happen---like it was the right time and I had been given the strength to do it Oct 9, 1985. As if I wouldn't get another chance if I did not take that step that day. I suppose that is why I never went to AA meetings, it all seemed such a struggle for them, and not that bad for me.
Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what the people here are talking about, because at any given time I experienced the same things. I just never relapsed, and I am just amazed at the strength of the many who do and keep getting back on that wagon. To those people I feel totally unworthy to speak to. I took the first chance given to me to get sober because I know without a doubt I would not get that strength again. In fact I still have nightmares that someone spikes my drink, or I tell everyone I live a sober life, but am able to drink ONLY at parties......those are the really scary ones because I wish that were true.
I am envious of the non-alcoholic who can drink whenever, have a good time and "stop" until the next celebration. I also realize those people will never know that spectacular feeling of complete freedom of thought....and common sense.
Alcohol plays no part in my thinking anymore, and it is hard to remember how much it meant to me. I do continue to reach out to those who choose me to unburden themselves with their suspicions of alcoholism. That I will always do, because only an alcoholic can understand an alcoholic, and they need people like us to tell them "it's OK" it is not hopeless.
Thanks guys, again for taking the time to give me some thoughts to chew on. I am always willing to learn and grow.
Stay strong!!
Sincerely.
Trix
Dee 74 Wpainterw 2grandaughters
Anna Zanzibar least
Pondlady Thepatman Cascabel...and Auvers
I do not think I could of asked for a better cross section of people than those kind enough to respond to my post above.
Thanks for taking the time and sharing what it is like for you after many years of sobriety....and Congratulations--your stories and answers were inspirational.
I suppose you have made me realize there is still the selfishness of alcoholism left in my system.
Your resolve is such it embarrasses me to even say this, but I still would give anything to have a drink. Needless to say when I have nothing else to loose, no one to hurt, no one left to care, I would like to have a hell of a going away party----there are still those selfish ,childish, wants .
To hear your stories, even the ones who have relapsed and come back is one of the things I find truly courageous. It is just that when I think back to the days at the beginning of sobriety, they just seemed to happen---like it was the right time and I had been given the strength to do it Oct 9, 1985. As if I wouldn't get another chance if I did not take that step that day. I suppose that is why I never went to AA meetings, it all seemed such a struggle for them, and not that bad for me.
Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what the people here are talking about, because at any given time I experienced the same things. I just never relapsed, and I am just amazed at the strength of the many who do and keep getting back on that wagon. To those people I feel totally unworthy to speak to. I took the first chance given to me to get sober because I know without a doubt I would not get that strength again. In fact I still have nightmares that someone spikes my drink, or I tell everyone I live a sober life, but am able to drink ONLY at parties......those are the really scary ones because I wish that were true.
I am envious of the non-alcoholic who can drink whenever, have a good time and "stop" until the next celebration. I also realize those people will never know that spectacular feeling of complete freedom of thought....and common sense.
Alcohol plays no part in my thinking anymore, and it is hard to remember how much it meant to me. I do continue to reach out to those who choose me to unburden themselves with their suspicions of alcoholism. That I will always do, because only an alcoholic can understand an alcoholic, and they need people like us to tell them "it's OK" it is not hopeless.
Thanks guys, again for taking the time to give me some thoughts to chew on. I am always willing to learn and grow.
Stay strong!!
Sincerely.
Trix
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
im 45 now and got sober at 36. lookin from the perspective of a reindeer, whose lifespan is about 12 years. im an oldtimer in sobriety. then theres the camel, whose life span is about 50 years. im an old oldtimer to a camel.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by TrixMixer 
I suppose you have made me realize there is still the selfishness of alcoholism left in my system. Your resolve is such it embarrasses me to even say this, but I still would give anything to have a drink. Needless to say when I have nothing else to loose, no one to hurt, no one left to care, I would like to have a hell of a going away party----there are still those selfish ,childish, wants .
Alcohol plays no part in my thinking anymore, and it is hard to remember how much it meant to me.
Alcohol plays no part in my thinking anymore, and it is hard to remember how much it meant to me.
I'm sorry, your statements above are kinda at odds with each other, for me anyways if no one else. I'm sober since 1981 age 24. I'm 55 now. I'll be sober when my dying time comes. No way I'll ever drink again. My sobriety is a done deal. Drinking on my deathbed would be the final insult for me, and make my entire sober life before an incredibly wasted effort and forever lost accomplishment. I won't be begging either. I haven't begged for a drink since my early days back in 1981. Quit means quit. Nice and simple.
I'm not knocking you, Trix. Live and let live, no problemo. If it suits you to drink and smoke to your hearts content in your final weeks, I can understand and respect your wishes.
I don't have difficulty relating to any newcomer is my experience. I remember why I drank, and why I quit, and why I don't drink today. It's all there for me. Decades of experiences that relate very well with others who have many years of sobriety, or with those with just a few days, and even with those who are still drunk and drinking. I've been there and done all that. It's pretty well impossible for me to forget. My gratitude for being sober won't let me forget, and I'm humbled because of it, each new day of my life. Sweet.
Like I said, I can appreciate your endtimes desires, TrixMixer. I'm just saying I can't figure how those future desires haven't already rented thinking space in your head now. Today. You know?
Hey, congrats on your 25 years!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by Trixmixer
I still would give anything to have a drink. Needless to say when I have nothing else to loose, no one to hurt, no one left to care, I would like to have a hell of a going away party.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
I got sober at 17. I'm 52 now and coming up on 35 years. I still remember my last drunk like it was yesterday. I still feel a strong bond with the newcomer. If I knew the asteroid was on its way to destroy the planet, going out with a drink in my hand is still not an option. Sobriety has given me the opurtunity to live life to the fullest in and out if the rooms.
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