Susan80

Hi there!

Well I guess I am here as I am a "classic binge drinker" and of late I reckon it has gotten a little out of control. Well, if I am honest, it has been that way on and off for the past 10 years or so. I love to socialise, but my problem is I just do not know when to stop!!

I no longer want to wake up feeling ashamed and worried about what I may have said or done the night before. .. I wonder if abstinence is the way forward or just to limit myself to two drinks when I go out? Any advice from binge drinkers would be much appreciated.

Look forward to hearing from you. xx

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR, Susan.

Have you ever tried moderating your drinking before? Just wondering how successful you were at controlling it.

Myself, I probably spent 10 years convincing myself that I was in control of my drinking. In reality, it controlled me.

Thankfully I figured it out, and quit.

Good luck.

JJay

Welcome Susan There's a lot of great support and great people here. I'm also a binge drinker and complete black out drinker. I had no control over it and never will if I pick up again.

least

Welcome to SR! I'd give up on the idea of 'controlled' drinking, it rarely works. I gave up drinking completely almost three years ago and haven't felt this good in a long time.

Susan80

Thank you both for your kind words and support!! Doggonecarl. . . yeah I have given it the old "I will just have a couple" which of coourse becomes more. The thought of giving up completely is quite daunting as so many of my friends and family drink alcohol. I don't know what to say when they ask "why are you not drinking?" Only my partner is aware that I have this problem. . .

Susan80

@least - do you miss the social aspect of drinking?

JJay

I know this wasn't directed at me but I'll weigh in. I'm only 8 days sober and I do miss it a bit. If I run into people I used to work with or an old friend from high school the first thing I hear is, "We should grab a beer some time!" And last week some friends went to watch the UFC Fights at a bar and they didn't feel comfortable inviting me to watch the fights surrounded by liquor. I actually appreciate that. It was pretty thoughtful when you think about it but it sucks to feel left out. And a drink or two (which would turn into double digits shortly) before a date was always a good relaxer.

With that said I couldn't control it at all. I'd drink to the point of blacking out EVERY TIME and would do embarrassing things that I still regret to this day.

Susan80

Thanks for the reply JJay. You know I don't always black out but it does often more often than it should. Plus, my boyfriend and I constantly argue about my drinking - he says I become a different person when I am drunk and can be really aggressive. I have done so many stupid things over the years that I would NEVER have considered doing when sober.

That was kind of your friends to take your feelings into consideration - but I know what you mean about feeling left out. I assume they all know that you have quit drinking?

MIRecovery

Question, How many blackouts is an appropriate number?

Tiredman

Hi Susan

I am in exactly the same boat. Last Friday had work function and well it didn't go well. I ended up doing things I shouldn't have and then drove my car home and smashed that. I have been able to control my drinking somewhat in the past but always get out of control sooner or later. I have bought some books "under the influence"....haven't got it yet but from the extracts I have read on this post it is not my fault...it is a chemical/genetic imbalance that will always win out so the only option is to stop completely. On realizing this it Makes sense and makes me feel better in that there is reason and I am not a loser.

I only drink on weekends, normally only 1 day and don't have any other issues with alcohol in withdrawal symptoms etc but as you probably know it is still a problem when the drink kicks in. It only task me 1 drink to get drunk problem is I can't remember if it is the 12 or 13th drink that does it:c031

I will also miss my friends drinking and I am not as sociable when I don't drink....sometimes that is a good thing....

I have told all my friends that I am detoxing and having an alcohol free month...that way when I am out at parties etc I have a ready made excuse....

I did that before and went 4 months.....but when I went back on it I really had a bender.

So the technique works and the excuse for not drinking is an easy one for people to accept....but his time it is forever....

JJay

Yeah, everyone knows. I know a lot of people have trouble coming out and saying, "I don't drink anymore", or "I can't drink anymore," or "I'm an alcoholic," but that's never been a problem for me. I might be honest to a fault if there is such a thing but it is what it is. I'm not ashamed. I have a problem and I'm trying to deal with it.

doggonecarl

Well then, I guess that's your answer about trying to keep it down to two drinks when you go out.

I'll spare you some grief. Quit thinking you didn't try hard enough, or that you lacked willpower, or that some other method of moderation management is going to allow you to keep alcohol in your life. The days of "normal" drinking have passed you by. As daunting as it seems you can either quit, or let it progress until maybe you can't quit. Your call.

It took a while, many months to get to this point, but I don't regret quitting for a second.

Blessed to be sober 26 months.

Susan80

Hi Tiredman

Thank you for your post. Firstly, well done in your decision to stop completely. It cannot have been an easy one!!

I too have given up drinking for a while and then just went right back on it again convincing myself that i won't be "as bad" this time.

I think I will do the same as you. .. . tell my friends that I am having a break and then just take it from there.

In my mid to late 20s I ignored all the warning signs but now I am in my early 30s it is even more embarrassing when I get really drunk and do stupid things.

Good luck in your journey Tiredman! x

Susan80

You read my mind about not trying hard enough doggonecarl!

Tiredman

Well it's only been 5 days for me and as you know once the remorse and guilt goes away and the body feels great again...which is usually by the next weekend then urge kicks in and sometimes it is ok....most of the time but then that one time comes along again and then before you know it you are back in remorse territory.

My friends all drink and whilst it is good to have support it is also difficult to withstand the ridicule...so the detox story or alcohol free month works well. The only problem is I don't want to fool myself again that it will be better next time...cause after 4 months of not a drop...it was no different

I just won't to make sure I don't fool myself this time...

hope it goes well for you....tough time of year to do it also but I figure it gives me a great head start on a new years resolution...

Susan80

@MIrecovery - I get your point. I guess none.

JJay

Susan, I'm 31 and for some reason once I hit 30 it felt more embarrassing and ridiculous to do the things I did drunk than when I was 29. It's just a silly number but I feel like a 31 year old acting like a drunk 21 year old was something to be ashamed of.

heath480

Welcome to SR susan.

Glad you are here.

MIRecovery

As in Family Feud....right answer right answer

Dee74

Hi Susan
There's some great advice here

I think many of us wanted to be that 2 drink person - but none of us are.
Don't waste 20 years on that like I did

Sobriety means a lot of changes for sure - or it did for me - I know thats scary right now, but I truly regret none of the changes I had to make

Without alcohol, I have a life I love - and I even love who I am now
Quitting drinking quite simply set me free.

You'll find a lot of support here - welcome

D