Eunectes

Worse than the last as usual, tried controlling it since August, got a job, was feeling good although I was lying to family about drinking and manipulating for money, and since Friday it's been a blur, missed work since Monday with only a text message to my supervisor, alienated myself from most friends, and told someone at work a very private and personal detail about myself I'm struggling with. Doesn't feel like this will end, real nightmare this one

MIRecovery

My personal hell only stopped when my drinking stopped. Controlled drinking never worked for me. When I found AA and put a plug in the jug my life started to improve

silly

Every single time it'll get worse and worse. longer and longer. Get yourself to detox for a few days to clear your head. Then really think about it... what is going to keep you sober

Anna

For sure, it will continue to worsen, unless you stop.

I hope you are ready to commit to recovery.

doggonecarl

If you've been drinking, even if you are trying to control it, I'm not sure I'd call it a relapse. Seems to me you might just be spiralling out of control.

What's preventing you from quitting completely?

Eunectes

I really don't know, when I think about alcohol it makes everything seem ok, even in the hell I'm currently in

MIRecovery

If you always do, what you always did, you will always get, what you always got

duane1

Tried controlling or tried quitting? You can't control it, so perhaps it is time to try quitting.

Eunectes

I've tried both, managed four months before, but that was a while ago. Just got a phonecall from my work there telling me not to worry because there is a stomach virus going round. Someone keeps giving me these chances I don't deserve, should I just come clean about my alcoholism? I'm only 4 weeks into the training....I don't know what to do, I still stink so can't go back until Friday or Monday at the latest, and I'm terrified about the stuff I know I've done, never mind the stuff I've forgotten

MIRecovery

You may wish to re-examine your priorities. Even if you keep you job it is only a question of time before this happens again. Or you can continue to drink which is always an option and continue to screw up your life. The choice is yours. Life is all about choices.

Delilah1

I am sorry for all you are going through, but reread your post, it seems like alcohol is doing the exact opposite. I know it is hard. I have had to put as many possible supports in place, and have a plan for those times it gets to be too much.

I hope you will continue to read and post, and get to the point when you are ready to say "that is it I am done!" It took me a while, but I am glad I finally had the courage to do so and admit to myself as successful as I am in my career, this is not something I can handle on my own.

You can do this!!!!

IndaMiricale

As it was said it will just only progress. I didnt lose jobs till I was about 35 and then it was so far into it. I became unemployable.

And Controlled drinking for a alcoholic is impossible if it wasnt we all be at the bar.

Fernaceman

Amen to that. I always appreciate your posts, MI.

silly

That is something I needed to hear today. Thanks MRI

silly

How? How does it make it better? It numbs the pain. I know. I know all too well. But at some point, drinking or not drinking, you'll need to face your pain. That's a really, really hard thing for me. It's so uncomfortable to be in so much pain. It won't go away though if you don't face it. I'm going through it right now. The love of my life and I are breaking up for SO many reasons. And I always, always, always have to remind myself to deal with the pain. Now. Or you'll be an angry person later.

Fernaceman

C'mon...I know someone should post it, so I will:

"All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals-usually brief-were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization."

From Alcoholics Anonymous chapter 3 - more about alcoholism

Sounds familiar, yes?

andisa

It's the attempts, and repeated attempts, to manage it that trips us up. Addiction is an unmanageable force. I've been attempting to manage it for years and here I am today, still doing battle with it. It's said that until we make up our mind to quit, for good, end of sentence, that addiction will persist in the mind, and you know what, those people are right!

FamilyMan2153

So many have been where you are at, including me. Trust me it can get worse. There is always another bottom until the only bottom left is death!! Many have come to that. Do NOT let it be you. Get to a meeting, call a counselor, a help line, go to detox, go to church but YOU have to make this choice. Are you willing to do whatever it takes?

Dee74

Welcome back Eunectes

Honestly? From your post I don't really think alcohol is making everything ok at all.

Everyone of us has faced being scared to quit completely - even in the face of mounting self destruction and casualities.

The simple fact is - this can't go on.

You need change E - what are you prepared to do?
D