BJAMSU07180223

This is my first time to write on the site and needed some guidance.

My situation seems to be very complex but am learning that it is more common than others. I have been with someone for over 4 months who is an alcoholic in recovery for 3.5-4 years. I fell in love with this person quite early without knowing them. We have spent every waking moment together for those 4 months and begin to have some conflict as most relationships do sooner or later.

As time progressed during this short period, there were conversations about long-term engagements, marriage and the strong desire to have more kids. I began to focus on that intensely as I fell in love deeper with this person. As our intimacy grew stronger and stronger through lots of experiences of laughter, love and getting to know one another, our conflict began to increase. We both have very strong personalities.

As the conflict grew, we recently discovered that we have a little one on the way into this world. I began to think that a lot of the conflict that has risen has been due to both strong personalities and a pregnancy. We began to go to pre-marital counseling which seemed to start off well but as the arguments grew, the love of my life began to shut down and say things like "I need space", "This is too much for me to handle right now", " We are not compatible" even when our exercises in counseling sessions were saying that we do have capabilities etc.

Since that time, she basically has shut down and will not talk to me but only for brief times. To her own credit, she mentioned to me several times that she wanted to take a step back and get to know each other before moving forward. I tend to be impatient and pushy and now see what she has been talking about all along. We both still admit that we love one another. She will say that she is not capable of dealing with that right now and begins to show typical behaviors of alcoholism in recovery by focusing on self etc.

I would do anything to make this right but I know now I have to focus on my own issues to move forward. Through much counseling and initial meetings at Al-Anon, I am beginning to understand the behaviors of alcoholism coupled with the typical behaviors of a pregnancy.

As a result, I am wondering if this is a common situation? I have backed off and am not pressuring her to do anything at this point. I am just wondering based on the experience of others if this is a salvageable situation? I still believe everyone has issues but if you truly love one another, you will do what it takes to work through the difficulties of life.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

onlythetruth

I am not so sure the issues you are having are related to your GF's history of addiction; it seems to me that they are more along the lines of compatibility and the fact that this is a very new relationship.

Is there a reason you believe that her past history of addiction is playing a part in the situation?

escapist

You have been together for 4 months and a baby is on the way. That is pretty heavy on it's own with or without the addiction. She probably does need some time to sort it all out.

BJAMSU07180223

I am still trying to learn about alcoholism and the behaviors that go with the disease. I have been surrounded the medical field for most of my life so I have basic foundation to build from about how to cope with the behaviors. Some of the intrinsic behaviors - very controlling and selfishness seem to play into the response from her. I do think it is early I guess I got caught up in the newness of the relationship and trying to fit all of the pegs in at once. The pregnancy certainly puts timelines on decisions but I totally understand her point of view now about taking our time. I can only hope and pray that we can sit down and talk about expectations moving forward. It would be heart broken for many involved if we cant work through the tough times. I agree time to sort it out is probably best. I just hope it doesn't create additional distance between us.