MycoolFitz

Like when I was a kid and would stand against the wall at school functions which I would not have gone to except my folks made me. Even tough in Boy Scouts except camping trips which I loved. It is hard to be sober and such a introvert but funny in my job I did workshops and keynotes all over the country but I could feel like an actor. But I think feeling like an actor in AA is not so good. I think one reason I drank was just to let go.

SomethingBetter

I dont go to AA but i know the feeling, my job too requires me to be very interactive with strangers and its not weird, but otherwise I dont open up very easy and feel awkward in strange places with strangers that I am supposed to 'mingle' with.

Even after being sober 20 months I still feel this way, but now instead of hiding behind alcohol i can learn to deal with it, it's ok to be me.

I hope lifes treating you well Fitz

MycoolFitz

I am not either but I am trying about anything. I don't know til I try it. It is hard to be isolated and sober because it is too easy for me.

Pledge1

I am isolated too so i really get what you mean there.... its so easy to drink when no-one can see you doing it.

I am seriously considering AA... For me if only it stood for agnostic athiest then i would be straight through the door.....

Hope it works out well for you

MycoolFitz

Well i am an agnostic/athesist Buddhist introvert but I need a variety of experiences I take the fellowship and not all the followship but what I was doing did not always work that well.

primalscream01

hey fitz i can relate to the feeling like an actor bit...I think that's the way most (if not all) people feel who are introverted in social situations...most actors feel that way i think...i feel weird in any social situation...without a drinking...i just can't do small talk...it makes no sense to me...but if have a drink I can do it...I even did standup comedy for 3 years...I can make 300 people laugh in an audience but put me in a small group where you actually have to communicate on an intimate level and I clam up...I have only been to a couple of AA meetings and I always ended up leaving quickly afterwards because i just didn't want to hang around and have to do the small talk...I need to work on that...

MycoolFitz

Yea just that but I can role play or drink my life away. Neither so good. Its like in the military where you act so tuff but you are crapping on th inside. No different than middle school. Or maybe sobriety in some ways.

choublak

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. Unfortunately, society is set up for extroverts so introverts often feel like they (or I should say we) feel like we're putting on an act a lot of the time.

Mulch

I can relate to putting on an act all the time. That's how I feel everywhere (except when I was alone and/or drinking) ... I am very much a loner, quiet, shy, 47, mom of two great gals.

Some people I've recently "fessed up" to found it so totally unbelieveable that I even drank, let alone had a problem with it. And when I mentioned my DUI to a select few, they thought I was joking. I sure feel like a big fake a lot.

Fitz, you mentioned AA. I'm still pretty new to it, and enjoy sitting and listening just fine, but haven't spoken up (yet). And I have a really hard (uncomfortable) time trying to mingle a bit before or after a meeting. I usually take my time gathering my things and putting my chair away, hoping that someone will maybe talk to me first ... because I'm afraid to join in their conversations... I don't want them to think I don't like being there, but I'm usually the first one to head out the door.

That said, I keep on going back .. and each week (it's only been just over a month) it gets a little easier as I am starting to recognize faces and remember a few names, so I can at least say hi when I arrive. I suspect as the weeks and months go along, it will be feeling more and more comfortable. You'll probably find the same thing I hope.

In the meantime, hang on!

Edit: On the religion thing, I don't belong to a select religion, but I'm spiritual in my own way. I thought I'd find the prayer thing weird, and the holding hands felt strange at first, but it's no big deal. I like that you don't even have to speak the prayer(s) if you don't want to, but I do think it's a nice way of wrapping up and keeping the group close. Like anything else, it begins to feel normal the more you do it, and everyone else is doing it anyway, so you don't need to feel like "Oh gawd, I'll bet they're all looking at me here holding hands and reciting this prayer" .. lol .. (that's how I felt at first). The "meaning" behind it can be whatever works (at least that's how feel about it).

kwe118

OMG I am not alone here, I concur. I feel, like it's all scripted. One thing with addiction, some or most have issues with fitting in or trust. I smell a superficial "hello" when I feel one. cliques are everywhere. I am so glad I found you all

heathersweeds

Me too!! My heart pounds and I think "I can't do this" I really do hate small talk feels phoney to me. On the other hand, when I hold my breath and go in, it's always a good time and I am glad I went through with the plans.
My initial reaction is I'm awkward and have nothing anyone wants to get to know
So I can really relate to all of you. hugs!!

MIRecovery

Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful.

BB P59-60

bbthumper

I have dealt with the same feelings many times and still do. It was extreme when I was still drinking. To the point of having anxiety attacks in social situations when I was not drunk. My extreme self-conciousness started in high school and started to dominate me.
Still get these feelings sometimes when in social situations with people I dont know, but I realize it is all based in self-centeredness. Ego. I focus on the "fear prayer" (God, please remove my fears and direct my attention to what you would have me be.)
Then look for a way to be of service. Helps me get out of self.

heathersweeds

BBthumper and MIrecovery-
I always forget this lol thanks for the reminder
And, I am always reminded at the moment I need it. Yay Higher Power!

omegasupreme

Don't worry, we all felt weird at them early on.

I'm now the guy that initiates the conversations with you at those functions. The one you want to run from lol. Never thought I'd be that guy, but it's way more fulfilling than sitting in the corner sipping coffee by myself. I have met so many new friends that way