primalscream01

I grew up down the valley (around annapolis) but my family lives in Halifax now...lots of relatives in cape Breton too...how could we not be alcoholics with that ancestry? Please don't take it the wrong way but I'm in love with your eyes ok...gotta go to this meeting....

primalscream01

ok...that was a waste of time...sposed to be a meeting at this church...it was locked up! pouring rain out too...i really wanted human contact...sitting here by myself and my last two beers...must get it together...

OCDDan

2 beers should do it for the night

MycoolFitz

Concidering the flu I had you ain't kidding

Mulch

Aw thanks Primal. .... Sorry the meeting didn't work out. Maybe give a call to AA and ask. Even if there's not a meeting tonight, you can find out when/where for the next and have the plan in place to go to that one.

(( hugs ))

MycoolFitz

Everyone who gives a hug gets a hug it is a two way street. You can not get a hug without hugging back it is human physics

primalscream01

i don't even think the beers (and whiskey...and pot) are the problem...I think i am just living the wrong life...i continue to pretend I am happy living this life I am but it is killing me inside...and the easiest way to forget it is to drink...i think I need to quit my job...but that is too scary so I don't...

i have all the creature comforts i could want but hate that I go to this office everyday to pay for it...****! but it seems stupid to quit a good paying job in this economy...but should I stay with it even though it makes me drink and get ****** up just to forget it?

the really ****** up part is I just picture myself drinking even if I quit my job...I just want to head down to slab city in california and drink everyday...that's not good...I'm afraid if quit my job i will kill myself by having the freedom to drink when ever I want...but then I just think we all die anyway so what the ****...

but I don't know that for sure...I might find out I am only drinking this much to escape the drudgery of 9-5...**** i hate 9-5...

does this make any sense to anyone?

Dee74

I don't think any really great decisions get made on nights like tonight PS.

Look around - there's hundreds of people here who stopped drinking and sorted themselves and their lives out.

You can do it too - there's no mystery - it takes a little work, a little bravery, a little commitment and some patience, but you can totally turn things around too, if you want

D

Windancer

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!

primalscream01

thanks Dee...i think I just have sack up...quit my job and start living a life that is more in tune with who I am...if I stay on this track I will end up on my deathbed regretting not really living...so scary though...but maybe that's what makes its alluring...

MidnightBlue

Hi, Primalscream. It makes perfect sense. I quitted a good job after 6 years and started to work as a freelancer. Freedom can be dangerous, that's true. But I realized that when I worked 12-14 hours it was also kind of escaping reality and running from my problems. "Oh, I'm so busy at work, I have no time to think it over".

Big hug for you)))))))))))

primalscream01

thanks midnightblue...I'm glad someone thinks it makes sense besides me ...i've worked at the same place for 17 years...17 ******* years!! it pays well and isn't too demanding, I guess that's why I have stayed...but it is soul sucking...i just don't know what I will do if I quit...but having free time to think about what I want to do sounds pretty awesome! I just don't want to be poor and miserable...that's what scares me...the unknown...

MidnightBlue

Yes, exactly, soul sucking. It helps if you make some plan before you quit - think about what you like, prepare the ground. It's a tough call, for sure. I quitted when felt that I couldn't trade my soul and peace of mind for paycheck any longer.

Take care)

Cleopatra1

hi primal,,, i too gave up my nursing career,, too stressful, rubbish pay (crazy i know) and my girls were too young,, so i started back working from home,, im an intereior degigner/soft furnisher,, and milked it,, i loved working when i wanted too, not one for taking orders,, and when my girls were home poorly,, i was there everyday.
the downside is ,, when im sick,, i dont get paid,, and recently,, had a huge slump in the market here in uk,, ( evetones skint) so when we moved to a bigger house,, we could afford it comfortably,, this past 8 mnths we havent,,, luckily for us we have fab and rather well off parents,, who have bailde us out,, until it picks up,,, thats when my drinking got real bad,, boredom and guilt of not being able to pay my rent on time!! always found money for the vino tho eh??
its picking up slowly ,, im branching out into a new area,, so fingers crossed by spring i shall be on every front cover of every magazine!!! lol
no id hate that really,,,, not a show off me ,,
so ,, my hubby does a very mundane job,, out in the peeing rain most days,, but its a wage coming in,,, not a great one,, but its stable.
so have a wee think before you do anything rash,,, sometimes our jobs keep us from flowing too quickly and too far down that darn river ,,,
all the best,,, oh and heres a HUGE HUG FOR YOU TOO,,,
x lv cleo xxxxx

primalscream01

thanks again midnightblue...that's how I feel...trading my soul for a paycheck...thanks for the input Cleopatra...i think that is what scares me the most...not having a steady paycheck...i've been pretty lucky and actually probably have enough money to live without working for 4 or 5 years...but I hate the thought of spending that money...I guess I have become a bit of a conservative being a slave to the grind all these years...every two weeks money gets put in my account...i hardly ever look at it...but if it wasn't being deposited every two weeks I would miss it...but i'm single with no kids...so really, i am only responsible for me...I should take more chances...

Cleopatra1

well hell yeh!! or you can give some of it to me?? lol
sometimes in life you have to take chances,, a door closes for another one to open,,,, mine hopefully hahaha
as you have no responsiblities,, and can survive for a while,, then id do it,,, you only live once ( only my opinion guys) and some of the chances ive taken in the past ,, well,, for one i wouldnt be here,, but i am , so what? but also ,, i might never have met my wonderful, caring, and totally handsome hubby,, and had my two beautiful,, ( just like their mom ) lol,,,, girls xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
so go for it,,, take time out,, travle about a bit,, i here the maldives is lovely,, never been myself,,, but ,,,,,, ?? lol
another hug to you,,, but the next one im charging for ok ??

lv cleo xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

choublak

What's this about your "sort of" girlfriend?

lillyknitting

I give u a hug from England xxx

primalscream01

thanks Cleopatra...i am thinking more that way now I was worried about calling in sick tomorrow...will be 3 days in a row...but ****...I have the sick days and i am definitely not well...and I'm in a ******* union...I don't think they could fire me if they wanted to...gotta take time out and figure out what I want to do...i think i might ask for a 6 month sabbatical...I think we can take up to a year and they hold your job for you...no paycheck but at least you know it will be there if you want to go back...I never thought about going to the maldives very exotic..where the hell are they?...i usually just head to mexico for my exotic vacations...cheap and warm..but now I must check out the maldives

choublak my sort of girlfriend is an ex that I am still in love with lol...it is weird...we are both still in love with each other...and tell each other that everyday...but both seem to like living by ourselves...we doubled our money on a condo we owned in Vancouver when we sold it after we broke up...that really helped the finances...she is a much more controlled drinker than me...she does drink about a half bottle of wine every night...but she can some how stop and actually put the cork in it after a half bottle...I wish I could that...

foodie1

Hugs to you primal, give a meeting another try, lots of people in recovery who will be there for you in times like this.