escapist

Hi Everyone
I am having a real problem with Thanksgiving. I am 5 weeks sober. My problem is my family. My parents want to come to my house for dinner. They do every year and it is always stressful. My step-father has some kind of complusive disorder. He constantly washes his hands, smells things that no one else can ( I have two dogs mini schnauzer and shi tzu) . I smoke but not around him but it does'nt matter because he can smell it on me and it makes him sick. They don't have dinner at their house because he can't stand people walking on his mirror polished floors. Last time I was there he checked our socks after we put our shoes by the door. No shoes in his house and your socks must be gleaming white or he will bring you a pair to wear. The last three Thanksgivings I got loaded (sneaking in the BR) which everyone figured out and everyone got pissed off at me. My parents are Mormans. I am not.

So, I am sober and I want to stay that way. I went to my DR. last Friday. I waited 30 days to see her. I am on antibiotics. She gave me an antidepressent. My step dad has asked twice and my mother stopped by yesterday to ask about Thanksgiving. I have told both of them that I am sick , taking an antibiotic and I am exhausted. All of this is true and I have been exhausted for the entire duration of my sobriety thus far.

Mother is happy that I have stopped drinking. My mother is not affectionate by nature. She does not like to touch, whatever, I have no idea how she ever got pregnant. Anyway, she smiles and says ," Let's go out for Thanksgiving" and then she leans over and kisses me. Unusual. So, I feel guilty if I don't do what she wants to make her happy. I do not feel ready for going out or rushing around sterilizing my house while trying to prepare a Thanksgiving dinner.

They are not hearing me. I don't want to come out say,'I don't want to have Thanksgiving because I can't handle the commotion" I don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't know what the hell to do.

mcluhan

Why not go along with your mom's idea and go out for Thanksgiving dinner? You could meet at the restaurant. That way you could spend a few hours with your parents instead of the entire day. That's what I'm doing this year.

MIRecovery

I was told if I put anything in front of my sobriety I would lose it. The world is not going to end if you do not show up. I have a Thanksgiving deal this year. I will make an appearance and leave because it will be a drink fest. I will likely be by myself afterwords but that sure as heck beats drinking.

My sobriety alway has and always will come first.

Delilah1

If you are feeling that they are going to trigger you I think saying you don't feel well is absolutely reasonable. My husband is working part of the day so we will have two cars at the inlaws and I plan on making an early escape. My oldest is in a soccer tournament the next day and I am going to use that as my excuse.

Today is day 39 for me and I think this early in our sobriety we need to put ourselves first. No matter what you decide I hope you have a good Thanksgiving, and many things to be thankful for in the upcoming year!

doggonecarl

You have a lot of issues going on. Focus the one that you have control over, which is not drinking, and do whatever it takes to insure you don't, even if it means cancelling Thanksgiving.

sothisisit

One of the most difficult things I've had to address in myself is boundaries with other people. I had to have nothing to do with my parents for a year because I knew it would not be good for my mental health. It was very difficult but necessary. I have also had to clarify for myself how others fit into my life. As was said in an above post, your sobriety trumps all other concerns right now.

You told them you were sick and exhausted. That should be enough for them to back off. If not, do what YOU have to do to take care of yourself.

escapist

They drive me crazy.

I love them but a little of them goes a long way.

Delilah1

I can relate to that!!!

Anna

By all means, take your mother up on her offer. Go out, relax and enjoy your dinner and the company.

Saying 'No' was a huge hurdle for me, but it was essential for my sanity and my sobriety. Ultimately I have to choose to do what is right for me. I'm not allowing myself to get into the victim mode again by agreeing to do something I can't manage.

Congratulations on 5 weeks of sobriety.

Windancer

Oh I have been in this situation. Saying no to your family is hard. Try and put yourself and your sobriety first. I am sure your family would prefer that you put off Thanksgiving than have you get loaded at Thanksgiving because of the stress and temptation.

Windancer

.....and yes, I would definately take your mother up on her offer.

miko67

Yeah five weeks is great! I can tell you aren't worried about drinking but more about the tension of the company. I think all of us get stressed about all the hype and what we are supose to do around holiday times.
Im in UK so i dnt know when thanks giving is but Christmas is just around the corner. So ill be as anxious as you by then! What i would do is go, tell yourself an hour max and enjoy your meal. Then if U want you can leave, you are sick after all. You wil feel better for this for sure. Good luck
Peace

lilyrosemary

definitely go out! everyone's happy, and no clean up. your parents kind of sound like mine (without the kiss : ) i always said that a person could operate on any floor of my parents' house, shoot, they could operate in the trunk of my dad's car.... best wishes on your sobriety and God Bless!

Delilah1

For some reason I was feeling very anxious this morning. I ended up going to a closed women's meeting and then pilates. I am now just leaving The Serenity Shop with some inspirational reading and a clearer mind. Don't know why the anxiety snuck up on me today but it did. I am glad my husband was home to hang out with the kids for a little bit.

Heading back home ready to be a mom/wife for the rest if the day. May need to do some deep breathing, but feeling better. Wish I knew what triggered this today.

escapist

I just looked at your sobriety date. We are a couple days apart. I wish this was easier. Becoming an alcoholic seemed effortless.
Anxiety fits. I can get so worked up. I keep forgetting that I do eventually calm down. Have a peaceful evening.

Dee74

I've found this link useful more than once
Crying Out Now: Thanksgiving Survival Guide

D

Delilah1

You too Escapist! I just realized I posted on your thread!

faceitandfixit

Awesome link Dee! Thank you for sharing this. This should be mandatory pre-holiday reading for all, great tips!