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Binge drinking sucks!

Old 11-19-2012, 08:12 AM
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"Run Till U Rot"
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Binge drinking sucks!

I hate my addiction. It's like I have this demon in the back waiting to pounce on me. Anytime I feel overwhelmed, sick, out of sorts or depressed here it comes. Another humiliating experience. It could be small or huge. There's no telling how it will turn out. I have worked hard at building a family and career for over 30 years. I can go for days, months or a year withou drinking and them blam stop and get a bottle and wake up from a black out wondering what I may have done or said and who saw me. It scares me to think that I could end up in jail or all alone. My father and grandfather were both horrible drinkers. I saw my grandfather twice in my childhood before he died. My father was an abusive drunk that tormented me and taught me all the wrong things. I think that's why I'm a binger. I try and fool myself into believing I'm not like them hence the long periods of abstinance. Sorry I'm whining but I'm just coming off of a one night binge three days ago and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I quit smoking 7 years ago when I decided to quit drinking. I started running back then and now compete in marathons but guess what I can't out run booze. I'm getting on track and trying agian. I refuse to let this addiction destroy me. God bless you all. I have the most compassion and sorrow for all of us who walk this path of addiction. I wonder why we were chosen to carry this burden?
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:31 AM
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Boy, can I relate to your story of binge drinking.

I don't' know why we have this thing .... but we do. So now what? Do you have a plan to stay sober? Any face to fact support? Therapy?

Those things made a huge difference for me. I tried in the past doing in myself and never succeeded.
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:18 AM
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I'm refocusing on my problem, bringing it to the forefront agian. I have been withdrawing social the past year and realize I have to get back to church for support and spiritual guidance. It makes me remember to be grateful. I am also throwing myself into marathon training to better my times and cut my weight. Anything to stop this time. I want to do it without the stigma of AA. I have tried it before, maybe 10 years ago and didn't connect with weekly drinkers or drug users. I'm not saying I'm better, I just didn't connect. Sometimes I think it would be easier to drink a lot every week, easier to accept, be accepted and to change. Once or twice or four times a year bingers are not that common to me. I never met one in a meeting. I have committed that if I have another episode I will commit to AA. I would just rather find it in church and dig in and leave it in the past. I just hope God is willing to give me this chance. Frankly I'm a little scared, no really scared of another binge. Thanks for your kind words.
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Old 11-19-2012, 09:51 AM
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I get your fear. I was too. Afraid to be sober and afraid to drink. Feeling stuff was difficult at first but it's actually pretty cool now.

AA saved my life. I understand feeling like you don't fit in because I was never a daily drinker either. So when I heard stories I thought to myself, I'm not like that, I would never do that, etc. I'll tell you though, over the years my binges changes. They became much longer and closer together. I was becoming a daily drinker and quick. I couldn't see it while I was in the middle of it but looking back I can, of course, see things for the way they really were.

There are other options besides AA. Check out the Secular Recovery section here. Some great resources and people.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:03 AM
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Heyrunningman--I quit drinking when I started running two years ago because I realized I would not be able to do both. I picked running. Running has saved my life for the past 20 months. I became a daily drinker before I quit, but before that it was the shameful Blue Moon Blackout Binge. Awful but now it will NEVER happen again

Check out the Kicking Asphalt thread:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-15-a-10.html

There's some strong sober support there.

Ran my 8th half marathon yesterday and helped some friends complete their first marathon. Holy cow, the sight of hundreds of runners making it to mile 24, where I waited for my friend, will stay with me forever. Each runner had a unique, personal story etched on their face--determination, courage, faith in the impossible.

One man simply sat down cross-legged on the course at mile 24 in front of me, seemingly having just decided to QUIT right there. A fellow runner talked softly to him for about 5 minutes. They then continued on TOGETHER. Gives me chills.

You can do this. You can be sober forever, be healthy, and smash every personal running goal you set for yourself.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:07 AM
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Welcome to the family! I gave up drinking almost three years ago and don't regret a minute of it.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:11 AM
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For me, I would always talk myself into believing it was a matter of willpower. I could just have a few drinks now and then, all I had to do was be determined. As we know, it doesn't work that way - yet I went on for years insisting I could control it.

You aren't whining, Runningman. You're sharing your feelings of frustration. Glad you posted about this binge - we are here to listen and help.
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Old 11-19-2012, 01:06 PM
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"Run Till U Rot"
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You folks are the best. Thanks for encouragement...D
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Old 11-19-2012, 02:41 PM
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Running and working out is the one thing that really helps me stay sober also. I notice if I stop working out I slowly start drinking beer more on a regular basis or sometime a trip or anything can cause me to drink on accident. Last summer I didn't drink for two months and ran a race and got third place. For some reason I was so excited about it I felt invincible and so I drank that night too much and the next day felt totally shameful for getting so drunk.
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Old 11-19-2012, 03:37 PM
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Hi Runningman. I marthon too. Done quite a few of them. Anyway, running won't stop you from binging, well it didn't me. You said you tried AA and it wasn't a good fit: we have that in common as well. Have your tried AVRT (Rational Recovery)? It might be worth a try. It changed the way I viewed alcohol.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:15 PM
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I have no doubt you can do this, if you have no doubt then it is a done deal.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:21 PM
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I hate my addiction. It's like I have this demon in the back waiting to pounce on me. Anytime I feel overwhelmed, sick, out of sorts or depressed here it comes.
I felt that way for years - like I was the leaf getting carried along down the gutter...helpless if a stone suddenly blocked my way....

we're not leaves - we do have a say in what we do, the decisions we make, and what happens to us
.
SR taught me that and I'm eternally grateful

D
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Old 11-26-2012, 03:53 AM
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You're not alone. I came on here after my latest binge, after which I decided enough is enough. Congrats on making the decision to quit, you (we) can do it!
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