simplyboo

So I've made it 36 days. It's something I'm very proud of, but at the same time, I'm not. While I admit I needed to find sobriety, I'm afraid I may have done it for the wrong reason. It wasn't for myself that I decided to put down the bottle...and I think maybe I went wrong there. Truthfully it was either keep drinking or lose the man I love. So I chose him. And now I'm beginning to resent him for it a bit. Overall I'm so glad I decided to do it, but now this resentment is tainting the way I feel about him. And he still brings up all the time my addiction and why it's a problem. When I hit the 30 day mark I was so very proud of myself, I told him about it...his words were "Well that doesn't not make you an alcoholic."

I was so very hurt by that. My mother has advised me that it was "tough love"....but is it? Or is it abuse? Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive??


At any rate I would like to continue on my path to sobriety, but for some reason knowing it means little to nothing to him is making me lose steam and drive.....

I guess what I'm looking for is advice. A mentor. A friend. Anyone really. Someone who understands where I'm coming from. Any advice is appreciated.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Simplyboo. Welcome to SR!

We are almost on the same milestone - Day 35 for me.

I think it's great that you found an incentive to quit drinking and made it that long. But, IMHO, to maintain permanent sobriety we need mor solid foundation than appreciation of other people, even if this people are our loved ones. We have to make it worthwhile primarily for ourselves.

You have every right and reason to be proud of yourself, regardless of what other people think about your sobriety. Think about all the benefits it brings to you. Find some new hobby, broaden your interests. Do not wait for others approve or appreciate you - do it yourself.

And if you need share your thoughts, doubts or any other feeling, you can alway do it here - there is only support and encouragement.

Take care.

Scolova

Welcome Boo.
I had no one in my life when I got sober, so might not be of much help here.
From the start I knew recovery was for my future, not my past. My mother was still alive at that time and got to see me reach one year before she past, so in a way I was able to make an amends to her. I have meet and am dating a woman I knew from high school, I am very grateful she didn't go through my active drinking years with me (she is now successful in a career), but it took me many months, to a year, to be a man that women would be interested in being with now. (Action speak so much louder than words).
If she dumps me?... I've been alone before, both drunk and sober, I won't just go back to the drink because life itself has much more meaning and quality than it use to.
Wish you the best.

Impurrfect

((simplyboo)) Welcome to SR and congratulations on 36 days! I think the reason it is recommended to work recovery for yourself, not someone else, has a lot to do with what you are finding out.

If I got clean (I was into crack) for someone else and they didn't appreciate it or things didn't get really good, I would have resented him. I would have been angry that I had gotten clean for HIM and he was still throwing it in my face.

That being said, you've got a good start on recovery. You can stop doing it for him and do it for YOU. You can believe that you deserve a life without all the hassles and consequences addiction brings. You can move forward and be proud of yourself for a major life change, regardless of what he says.

I do understand wanting to do it for someone else, but until I found recovery for me? I didn't appreciate it nearly as much as I do now.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy