oddguy

Hello,

I am new here. For years, I have had a binge drinking problems. Basically pretty much every Friday and/or Saturday night, I would get drunk without exception. I also smoke pot now and again and have tried unsuccessfully to switch from alcohol to pot. I only managed to get myself to where I was drinking 8 or 9 drinks plus getting stoned instead of having 12 drinks. Plus pot has the nasty side effect of making me eat and eat and eat and eat. The munchies may sound funny and lighthearted, but marijuana makes me eat disgustingly large volumes of food every time. This aspect makes it so that marijuana is really not a viable alternative to alcohol. Not to mention that it is illegal. With drinking, I not only drink 12 beers, but I have fallen off the wagon tobacco-wise only because of alcohol. I have only once in my lifetime had a cigarette while sober. All the other times, I had to be drunk to light up. So basically I have been juggling these three substances with minimal luck. The only other aspect about my drug/alcohol use is that I am a very heavy consumer of caffeine.


I tried going without alcohol/drugs except caffeine for 47 days back in Spring. I was so miserable during that time. The thing that inspired me to quit for the time that I did was that I was hoping to find 'something' better...a hobby, more meaning in life, inspiration...something. It never came. It was just a miserable experience. Life felt so empty and horrible that I even picked up the habit of mild self-injury (to a very very mild extent mind you)...a little physical pain release the clamp of the profound feelings of boredom and irritation and hostility and frustration and emptiness. I went back to drinking and smoking pot and I am actually much happier now. But I know that this is not a long term solution at all and will only serve to make me miserable/sick/broke in the future.

I have been to my first appointment with a psychologist and my plan is to be completely honest her about everything and do my best to do exactly what she tells me to do. I am not sure if I have ADD (which I was diagnosed with as a kid) or dysthymia (chronic, low level depression). I do seem to require a high level of stimulation to be happy. I have only been to one appointment and she is still evaluating me and she says that she thinks I am self-medicating because I am dealing with low-level depression. I haven't decided if I need to quit alcohol and pot all together or not. I'd like to be at a place where I am both happy and healthy and I don't know if that means full sobriety or moderation.

I have read about AA and AVRT and Smartrecovery and Moderation Management. They might help some people, but I need help with the awful feelings that I get when I am completely sober all the time. These programs don't seem to address that. And quite frankly, I have not seen any studies that show that they work. Anyways, I am a firm believer in science and evidence-based methods and my plan is: Keep going to my psychologist, be completely honest with her and do exactly what she tells me to do.

I just wanted to share this with everyone, because something drives us all to drink and use drugs and if it was as easy as 'don't drink or do drugs' then this forum wouldn't exist.

doggonecarl

Welcome.

I believe your depression should be dealt with in conjuction with your substance abuse problem. Thinking about moderation seems to me a slim hope your addiction is dangling in front of you like a carrot.

But should you decide to quit alcohol for good, we'll be here to support you.

Dee74

Hi Oddguy

I spent 20 years not feeling comfortable unless I was high - being high became my norm.

In the end tho the getting high destroyed me - no matter what I was abusing I abused it until I was damaging myself.

I damaged myself so much I had no choice but to quit and sit with the discomfort of getting sober.

I found it is uncomfortable, it's not nice....but it's *not* unbearable - the fear was greater than the reality.

And it's transient too - it does get better

Support really helps - so I'm glad you've joined us.

D

773niki

Hi there -
This is a good place to start!
I too had become a slave to my addiction, which is alcohol. Been struggling to stay sober by myself for 2 years and it never ever worked. I was a dry drunk, as they say. Drank daily for 8 years, then went to rehab only to not follow their direction. "I could do it on my own!" I thought. HAHA.

Back in a treatment program after a progressive, terrible last 2 years. This time, I am following the advice of all those who preceded me and stayed sober! Duh, can it be that they found something that works?

I'm challenging myself to 90 meetings in 90 days (I'm on day 21) but I've never felt better about me. I began hating myself so much I felt suicidal and depressed. Just pushing myself to go to these meetings, to pray at night and to talk openly and honestly has given me a sense of accoplishment every single day and it helps. ALOT.

I would highly recommend getting involved with recovery groups and the AA/NA program. Good luck!

jakec

In my opinion there is broad spectrum of alcoholics/addicts.. It's not black and white.

Some NEED AA and to quit completely, some find it very beneficial.

I am currently practicing AVRT, and I find it to be very beneficial.. as do a lot of people.

Moderation Management is an option for some people, others not. For me not so much.

Outpatient therepy is also a good option.

It's all about what works for YOU. No ones recovery is exactly the same. But I really hope you make an effort with this. (:

nogard

Hi Oddguy, All of those programs you mention do work as do other methods, you have living proof right here. It all starts with with you stopping and trying something different for a few months to see how that goes.

Will it be easy, no but nor is getting wasted, but it is worth it and it does get easier as time passes.

Kevin