Cykntyrd

I haven't had a drink in 8 days. A friend of mine who knows I like to drink but doesn't know just how much I drank ( i would go into the kitchen and down shots without her knowing ), has come over several times in the last week to watch TV with me as been our habit for the last few months. She found it strange when I offered her a drink but did not make myself one. I told her I was "giving my liver a break".

After a couple more nights of her coming over and me not having a drink she asked me if I was ever going to drink again.

"I didn't say that" I stammered.

She's come by every night since, pours herself the one, possibly 2 drinks she might have that night and has not mentioned it again.

I'm determined not to drink anymore but I don't want to tell I've quit for good.

Am I afraid of relapsing and feeling like a failure?

Or am I being afraid of being labeled an alcoholic?

Any suggestions on how and when to tell your friends and family, who know that you like to drink, that you are no longer doing so........ and why?

InspiredAnew

I haven't drank for 8 days also... I've approached the subj lightheartedly with coworkers and friends so far. (i work in service industry, a restaurant/bar.) Saying "I'm just taking a break", "I need to save cash and be focused for the holidays"... etc. These are true, but really I don't know what I have in mind. I guess I'm really fearful of disappointing myself if I commit to officially not drinking. Also I'm sure it's natural to not want my friends to feel awkward about it, or like I'd be judging their lifestyles or not be "fun" anymore.

After over a week , I'm at the point I feel like I need to take the challenge of getting out for a night with pals and sticking to my guns. I'm so timid though! It's been so easy to just go straight home after work, make time for the gym a lot, and get good rest. But I'm feeling like a hermit and haven't socialized for over a week outside work!

I've givin myself a short term goal of not drinking through the end of this month. So far I'm just taking each day on as a little project, and expecting after three weeks I should reevaluate things and decide what I can handle. I'm just wanting to keep it to myself for the moment.. not making any promises that I'm not certain of. What I know is, I don't wan to be the version of myself I've been too often. Wasting money, wasting real love and friendship, wasting my creative talents on feeling empty and unwell.

Sazzle

Personally I am a fan of 'white lies' or whatever you need to say to get you through. I've announced to anyone who asks, that I have given up for NOvemver. I'll probably 'be on antibiotics' for a fortnight over Christmas & new year.

But to be honest it's no ones business. I can't talk if forever, but I'm certainly not drinking today. I feel better without ANY alcohol in my system and I really don't see the point in moderation or 'just one' anymore as I feel groggy the next day and it whets my appetite for a binge. Just tell your friend that you are really enjoying not drinking and you're not going to drink tonight. When she asks about 'forever', no one can answer that. If it triggers you to feel a failure, just say something vague like 'no one knows what the future holds'

The only people you need tell, are those you've hurt or wronged. Some folk won't accept it. Some folk will try and knock you off your run and some are so close to you that it raises questions in themselves.

Therefore worry about yourself.Not what others should be told. I told my sister I could take it or leave it, when she asked about Christmas and she surprised me by saying she would be happy never to drink again. And I thought she was a normal drinker. Perhaps she is and that's why she could leave it!!

Sorry I've rambled. But the bottom line is that this is a challenge enough, without inviting other people to comment on how you love your drinking life.

S x

Sazzle

Andrew you've said it eloquently! That's how I feel. I like the sober Sazzle too!

S x

InspiredAnew

Sorry to be long winded- I guess to better try helping with your questions... as someone who's completely new to this, Hmmn.. I'd imagine it best, if your pretty committed, to start with your closest family or friend. It helps me that I have one friend who is doing the same, and at night I can talk on the phone with her for hours about what felt good today, or how bad I could've used a beer but didn't do it.

I also assume if you want to still socialize with the same peers, you want them to feel comfortable being themselves while you're doing what you need to. Be natural and have a sense of humor so they'll see you're still a great friend, probably a better one. If some folks focus too much on you not drinking in certain context, I figure just white lie- have a soda with lime so they'll assume your drinking and get on with it! Eh?

Bgh2002

In my opinion, most of the "what are they going to think" is just in our own heads. I knew I was bad, my family and friends knew I was bad. I didn't know what to expect, but it was recieved by family as a "prayers are answered" and friends, well it weeded them out. Real friends will not judge you based on any decision you decide to make. Aside from that, I wouldn't go out of my way to tell people I don't know on a personal level... they don't know me so I'm not giving them the chance to start assuming things about me.

pipparina

I've been sober for a long time, and I remember this being a question of mine. It is true that most people don't care whether we drink or not, but no reason you need to announce it. You can simply say your just not in the mood, or , not today thanks. Your sobriety is your own business. If the other person doesn't have a drinking problem, they will just let it go.

eumenides

No, I think you are afraid of quitting and are leaving your options open. If you are through with drinking, what does it matter if your friend knows? Should it matter? If the person is your friend, they would be happy for you. If the person isn't happy for you, what does that mean? Take the alcohol out of the equation and replace it with Coca-Cola. What if you both always drank Coke and suddenly you switched to Ice-Tea, would that be a big deal or not? Of course not, it simply doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you not drinking. Ever.

doggonecarl

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Casmasta

I had a similar situation..
I wasn't sure that I was going to quit forever.
A friend kept asking, "When are you going to drink again?"
She wanted her drinking buddy back.

I kept having to tell her to stop harassing me about it..
But then, when I had completely decided for myself that I was done..
I told her, "I think this is going to be permanent."

She still has a bit of trouble understanding, as she still really enjoys drinking.

I had to recently write her an email about all of the things she didn't see.
My need to have beer at home when I got there after going out with her for a few.
Or my constant blackouts.
Or the trouble I got myself into.

I'm proud to not be drinking...

However, there are still times where I don't want to explain myself..
A friend was in from out of town last night, and really wanted me to meet her and catch up.
But she mass texted a bunch of people that she would be at a certain bar that makes outrageous drinks.

I could have gone, because they make ice cream things and whatever, but I didn't want to have to explain myself to her, and all of the friends I didn't know.
The last time I saw her, I was buying rounds of shots, and hanging out with a bunch of weirdos.

Whoa.
Babbling.

What I'm saying is that it's still, after almost 7 months, difficult to explain to people (who aren't that close to me)that I don't drink, no matter how proud I am of this accomplishment.

Critica76

I also struggled with what to tell people. But over the last 5 months there was only person who has stopped talking to me. Not a big loss and it feels great to not be the ass at the party, function or whatever. There is a company Christmas party coming up, I am trying to get excited about what to wear, what we will eat and nothing more. And not being hungover rocks!

duane1

Once you have quit for a while, it isn't as big of an issue as you have built it up to be. I know I struggled with this when I first quit. Now I can't figure out why it was that big of a deal. Most people don't care.

Cykntyrd

I'm not afraid of quitting. I've done it lots of time! LOL It's the staying quit that scares the hell out of me!

Seriously though I agree I might be keeping my options open. It's probably no big deal that I don't drink but I am fearful of the shame I might feel should I pick up.

Cykntyrd

Tonight the same friend came over, actually she's my ex wife. She saw that I was angry and upset over something that happened earlier in my day and offered to make me a drink. I responded with a quick and probably over forceful NO!

Nothing else was said. She made her drink and we watched the tube.

I don't she'll ask again for a while....

Sazzle

She's only trying to fix things for you in the only way she knows how and a way that was accepted by you not so long ago.

Your initial post made me think it was annoying friends badgering you to drink but this is somewhat different.

I think, being your ex wife, she could do with an explanation or your friendship might suffer through no fault of her own.

If things happened last night as you described then sit her down and tell her alcohol is not the solution for you at the moment and while you appreciate her company and offering to make drinks, you'd just appreciate her being there for you (with soda in hand!)

Cut yourself and her some slack. You are newly sober & she doesn't know what the heck is going on with your moods!!

S x

choublak

I like this. Very good advice in general, when dealing with other people.