JJay

I've been struggling for 6+ years now. I'm 31 years old. I've tried everything I can possibly think of: AA, sponsors, sober houses, counselors, therapists, medication, inpatient programs, outpatient programs, detoxes. Everything basically. I had been on this site a while back and I must've used a different user name 'cause it's saying I've never posted before. Anyway, I found a lot of help and support before so I'm back. This is my second day sober.

Not to go TOO deep into my life but in February I moved from MA to SC to be with my girlfriend. We were extremely in love and everything went better than I could have ever imagined for quite some time. I sold away my life to make this move: my car, my TV, some clothes, any possessions that would make me some money. When I got down there I saved up some more money and bought us new things (I paid for 95% of our possessions, rent, water, electric, vet bills, food, gas, insurance, etc, etc). Anyway we found out we were going to have a baby sometime at the end of July. We were ecstatic. But things started falling apart in our relationship. She changed. I turned to the drink again. I caught her in so many lies. Lies about such insignificant stuff. One night she just said her feelings had changed. She didn't feel about me the way she had before. I was devastated. I have bad credit and a pretty big dog and know one in SC would rent to me even if I offered to pay a few months rent up front. I had no choice. I had to come back to MA with half of my clothes and nothing else. That's all I have now. A roof over my head and half my wardrobe. Now our relationship is not good at all. I check in a couple times a week but she constantly, constantly, CONSTANTLY lies to me! I know they're lies thanks to some friends I have down there and thanks to the wonder of the internet. Now she's 4 months pregnant and 900 miles away. I fear I'll never seen my first born. I'm devastated, depressed, anxious, worried and just overall scared. My ex is NOT fit to be a parent. She's immature, irresponsible, manipulative, a pathological liar, she has no job, no income and is basically a bigger mess than I am.

I'm really sorry for the long intro. Thanks for reading if you did.

- Jay

Thepatman

This must be hell for you ;-(
If you are sober please remember that drinking will only make things worst. And cloud your judgement to take the important decisions you need to right now.

JJay

I've never been in more pain in my entire life. I can't see a TV commercial with a baby or a show or billboard or online advertisement without my heart breaking all over again. I know I'm a grown man but I have no problem admitting I've cried more in the past 2 months than in my entire life.

I know I need to stay away from a drink no matter what and no matter how I feel.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your relationship issues Jay.

I agree with the others tho - being sober will not hurt your relationship further but being drunk will.

I know how hard it must be, but you can't make anyone do what you think they should do...even if they're carrying your child.

You have 5 months to go before your child's born - I'd focus on yourself and getting yourself together.

D

amy55

Hey Jay, welcome to SR. Pls keep your side of the street clean. I feel for you, I really do, I know I cant give you f2f hugs, but I can do cyber hugs (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) and keep coming back

JJay

Thanks Dee - as far as the relationship with my ex goes: that's over. No way, no how that's going to work out. I left quite a few details out but how she used me and the amount of lies I've found out lately is just too much. She claims to want me in the baby's life but she still constantly lies to me. She's lied to me about where she's living (which is unfit for a baby). She's lied to me about being employed. And this is on top of the lies I found out while we were together. My concern is for the baby. She's an adult. She's made her choices.

Thank you Amy. I think I'd be willing to pay a stranger (if I had any money) to give me a hug right now.