badger1172

...then Monday came. Got into an argument with my wife, then without a flinch of thinking starting drinking beer again. This week has been hell and shaky since. I experienced a hangover that was more violent than I'm use to, it's lingered in me all week. I am so ashamed and feel so not in control. I swear if this drinking was an actual person, I would punch him in the face and just be done with it, but it's not. I'm very angry with myself. I just want to be free of this thing...

Splasho

Don't beat yourself up over what is done... learn from it, grow from it, remember these feelings you are having the next time you are tempted to drink. The last time I drank I was so mad at myself that it is all I have to think about to keep myself from that first beer or shot ever again. You can beat this, badger!

duane1

Fighting with my wife when I was quitting was something that kept me going back to the bottle. However, when I finally got it right I just started leaving the house and going for a ride. I know it is hard.

Elisabeth888

Someone said at a meeting "I could be moved to kill a person for doing to me what I have done to myself."

I think alcoholism is self hatred.

Anna

The best thing you can do is to learn and make a plan, so this doesn't have to happen again. What will you do next time? Hang in there, and I hope you feel better.

FamilyMan2153

Don't kill yourself about this. Like Anna said, what is your plan for the next time you get in a fight with the wife, or get in a fight at work, car won't start. You name it. Life happens even when you are sober so we need to find a way to deal with it. Hang in there.

iseult

If you're ready to quit, we're all here. But if I've learned anything, it's that you really do want to have to quit for it to work. My life has been pooping all over me since I dedicated myself to sobriety (and it's only been a couple weeks), but unfortunately that's just how it works. We were just too drunk and numb to care about life's little kicks in the rear before.

Does your wife say anything about your drinking?

Good luck and stay strong!! If you try to go for another drink, just remember the violent hangover.

Delilah1

I have gone for a long walk or to the gym twice in the past 35 days because I wanted to either open a bottle of wine or hit my husband over the head with one. Figured exercise was a better option.

I have been trying to exercise almost every day, but these two specific times I got a very good workout, and didn't end up drinking or calling 911 to report that his head was bleeding.

Hevyn

Hi Badger. I did that same thing many times. Fell back on the old habits without thinking twice. Every time, recuperating was more difficult than the last. I finally really got it that I couldn't touch the stuff.

We have to learn to live again in a new way, without thinking alcohol is going to help see us through. It never does. You've learned something - now maybe you're ready to do this thing. We know you can.

Thepatman

Get back up friend, don't bash yourself over this.

Maybe you can ask your wife to stop when you get that feeling. Maybe a sign, when you say peaches it means please stop. Just sayin

badger1172

I agree with all of you. I do think my body was telling me (in it's own angry way) that it was much happier being sober before I messed everything up and maybe that's why my hangover was so terrible. It's something I will be remembering for quite some time. I have talked to my wife about it, showed her my postings here and expressed how much I wanted to stop. Next time I think I'll just go for a walk around the property or something until I calm down. Something simple. Beer is really not my friend.

badger1172

I think what really stunned me was how quickly I reacted without even thinking about it.

instant

Our addiction can tend to put us in automatic pilot.

A conscious decions to embrace sobriety come what may helped me. I only did that when I was utterly beaten, and sick of it all.

ForMeForThem

Welcome back Badger. Keep reading and posting. Join our November Class thread if you'd like, there are lots of us just starting or re-starting this month and going through similar things.

Fandy

when you feel a trigger...remember how craptastic you feel NOW. play the tape through to the end, you'll find that it can be mind over matter.

your old way of thinking was to run for the safety of the bottle of beer...your NEW improved way of thinking is to deal with the upsets of life in a less harmful way.

baby steps, you've learned from the last one how it works when you try to go back to drinking....dust yourself off and move forward, i think that most of us have been down this road too....its not the way we want to live.

hope you feel better.