Passing a Test
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
Passing a Test
Hi everyone, hope all is well and welcome to all newcomers. This website is truly amazing for many reasons.
I write tonight because I am very nervous about taking my state boards (for the second time). I failed them this summer albeit I was drinking heavily and didn't study as much as I should've. It was such a hard blow to me (someone who does not fail anything except of course at drinking) that I've been too scared to take them again. Well I'm tired of worrying and trying to study. I've put forth effort although I know it's not as much as I should've. I found it difficult to concentrate on studying while trying to stay sober all the time. My own counselor worried I was setting myself up to fail. Well, I feel like I'm ready for this next chapter in my life to begin. It's just this dang test holding me back. I'm so inspired to do so many things but all is riding on this test! I have a couple more weeks so I'm really going to try to kick things up another notch and be as prepared as I can be. I'm so worried to fail again. It really is a terrible feeling, especially when I've worked so hard in school. Sometimes I feel inadequate or like a loser or ask myself "How did you ever get through school?", crap like that.
There's one more thing that weighs on my mind... I worry that whether I pass or fail I'm going to drink. I feel like that night or around the time I take the test my dear old friend (whiskey) is going to come knocking at my door and convince me to get drunk for old times. My brain's already working me over on it with all the rationalizing. I've even told myself I will just start over again at day 1, no problem. Truth is I know I don't want to start over, I want to continue! How am I going to stay strong and sober when I'll be the happiest person in the world or the most miserable? This could be my biggest test to not drink, maybe ever. Right around the 90 day mark too. Thanks for listening, all input is welcome.
Stay strong friends (I hope I can too).
I write tonight because I am very nervous about taking my state boards (for the second time). I failed them this summer albeit I was drinking heavily and didn't study as much as I should've. It was such a hard blow to me (someone who does not fail anything except of course at drinking) that I've been too scared to take them again. Well I'm tired of worrying and trying to study. I've put forth effort although I know it's not as much as I should've. I found it difficult to concentrate on studying while trying to stay sober all the time. My own counselor worried I was setting myself up to fail. Well, I feel like I'm ready for this next chapter in my life to begin. It's just this dang test holding me back. I'm so inspired to do so many things but all is riding on this test! I have a couple more weeks so I'm really going to try to kick things up another notch and be as prepared as I can be. I'm so worried to fail again. It really is a terrible feeling, especially when I've worked so hard in school. Sometimes I feel inadequate or like a loser or ask myself "How did you ever get through school?", crap like that.
There's one more thing that weighs on my mind... I worry that whether I pass or fail I'm going to drink. I feel like that night or around the time I take the test my dear old friend (whiskey) is going to come knocking at my door and convince me to get drunk for old times. My brain's already working me over on it with all the rationalizing. I've even told myself I will just start over again at day 1, no problem. Truth is I know I don't want to start over, I want to continue! How am I going to stay strong and sober when I'll be the happiest person in the world or the most miserable? This could be my biggest test to not drink, maybe ever. Right around the 90 day mark too. Thanks for listening, all input is welcome.
Stay strong friends (I hope I can too).
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi meg
Best of luck with your exams
if that old desire does come calling - you're not the same person you were - you've grown, you've changed in a lot of good ways, you've learned a lot...
if it comes calling - send it packing.
You're not a victim anymore and you absolutely have that power - and you have the support of hundreds of other people here too
Shut the door on it - It has nothing to contribute to you and your new life
D
Best of luck with your exams
if that old desire does come calling - you're not the same person you were - you've grown, you've changed in a lot of good ways, you've learned a lot...
if it comes calling - send it packing.
You're not a victim anymore and you absolutely have that power - and you have the support of hundreds of other people here too
Shut the door on it - It has nothing to contribute to you and your new life
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Meg, it's not you that is worried about staying sober, it is that pesky ol' habituated desire to get drunk after an exam that is doing the worrying. I know I would get my drunk on, pass or fail, nailed it or bombed, either way.
You really do get to choose how you are going to handle the afterwards. Are you going to pile on with the rest of your classmates at the pub? Stock up with booze before the exam 'to save time'? Or are you going to have a much different plan firmly in place?
Go for a walk and clear your head - you know how to study, what you need to do. Maybe a little exercise to drive some oxygen into the study machine.
Tell yourself that you will do a solid half hour of study, take a break if you need to. I would find that if I could do that, it would be easier to stick with it once I got started.
It is all within your power, Meg. Hope you do well, and that you celebrate your success and your achievement in a way that takes you where you want to be.
You really do get to choose how you are going to handle the afterwards. Are you going to pile on with the rest of your classmates at the pub? Stock up with booze before the exam 'to save time'? Or are you going to have a much different plan firmly in place?
Go for a walk and clear your head - you know how to study, what you need to do. Maybe a little exercise to drive some oxygen into the study machine.
Tell yourself that you will do a solid half hour of study, take a break if you need to. I would find that if I could do that, it would be easier to stick with it once I got started.
It is all within your power, Meg. Hope you do well, and that you celebrate your success and your achievement in a way that takes you where you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
I def. know how having a big test or a big paper can bring that need to use/drink right out but its not worth it in the long run.
Say you took the test and then decided to drink to celebrate but then you never go back to being sober. Then what? Then you just studied and suceeded for nothing! It helps me to remember that the whole "one time" thing doesn't work for any of us and that one time could lead to drinking again for another 2 years. It is not worth risking your future, expecially when you are so ready for bigger and better things!
Say you took the test and then decided to drink to celebrate but then you never go back to being sober. Then what? Then you just studied and suceeded for nothing! It helps me to remember that the whole "one time" thing doesn't work for any of us and that one time could lead to drinking again for another 2 years. It is not worth risking your future, expecially when you are so ready for bigger and better things!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Do you have any kind of program of recovery? Hurdles and how we deal with them is a big issue and big issues mean big triggers.
I found it helps to identify triggers when I am approaching a hurdle, and we will always have hurdles in life. And it is important to develop means of dispatching those triggers when you identify them. It is empowering to identify those triggers and defuse them, like a ticking bomb. It can be done -
Even with my years of sobriety now, I still get triggers. But that doesn't mean I act on them.
I found it helps to identify triggers when I am approaching a hurdle, and we will always have hurdles in life. And it is important to develop means of dispatching those triggers when you identify them. It is empowering to identify those triggers and defuse them, like a ticking bomb. It can be done -
Even with my years of sobriety now, I still get triggers. But that doesn't mean I act on them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 83
I've been seeing a counselor but not as much the last few weeks, and I come here. I have a friend who will go to A.A. with me but I haven't gone yet. I think about going and will soon enough. I do have some supportive people in my life also.
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