mustardonly77

On Sunday night, finally said the word "I'm an alcoholic" outloud. I had known my drinking was different and problematic for some time, but could never bring myself to say those words outloud.. I know there is a part of me that is in denial, but it doesn't take long to look at my drinking pattern over the past few years to give more than ample evidence I can't stop at 1 or 2 and have tried managing it for the past year (saying I was going to slow down, doing so for a week and a half before returning to getting wasted 2-3 times a week). Thinking more, I'd start to notice I'm more productive at home, spend more time with my wife, more energy, less go go go when I wasn't drinking. Started to realize that there was something wrong when I would go out and have a few drinks then go home so I wouldn't have to worry about a DUI, then sit at home and drink for a few hours.

Been with my wife for 2.5 years, married for 6 months now. she is an incredibly supportive wife whose taken care of me on countless occasions d/t my drinking (having to pick me up, help get me to bed, etc) whose been hurt by how she becomes invisible whenever I'm at home drinking/ seeing her husband drunk several times a week. Never had a DUI (luckily but usually made sure I wasn't driving because I knew I would be getting drunk, again, planning around my drinking), or legal trouble. Never a problem at work (always made sure to plan my drinking around work!) , no big issues with friends other than occasionally embarrassing myself by being the obviously wasted over the top happy guy.

I'm finding it hard to imagine my life without having a beer/drink again, especially since I'm a sports nut along with most of my friends whom do drink. I'm embarrassed and ashamed knowing that I cant have just one, that as soon as I get "that" feeling that I continually chase it until I'm very drunk. I started drinking heavily when I was 19, I'm now 25. I know I'll need support but still can't bring myself to attend any AA meetings (d/t my job, don't want to run into patients or patients parents). I intend to find support here and seek other resources.

I realize this a bit rambling, and am airing my dirty laundry so to speak, but feel it was a long time coming in getting this out. Thanks, and hopeful that we all continue on our recovery!

Hevyn

Not rambling at all, mustard. We completely understand how you're feeling.

I was instantly relieved when I came here and let all my emotions flow. Everyone got me, and I received the support and encouragement I needed. I was more than twice your age when I finally quit, though! Unfortunately, because I didn't stop at a young age - my life spun out of control. I did get dui's and had all sorts of problems that hopefully you will be able to avoid. Glad you have wised up. We will help you through this challenging time. You'll never have the drama and chaos many of us have put ourselves through.

Northwest

Your on the right track! I remember saying the same thing for the first time. It almost felt freeing at first to be that honest to myself. I was told in my first attempt at recovery "just take er easy, dont be too hard on yourself and definitely dont take yourself too seriously." Hang in there!!!!

Sasha4

Hi Mustard

Welcome to our family I am glad you found us.
Don't worry about airing your laundry, that what we are here for. We all, me included need a good 'air' every now and again.

I started like you and probably ended up in the same mindset.

I never lost my job or got caught drunk driving. No legal problems either. Acted really daft many a time.

However, it was a slippery slope I was sliding down and I think it was only a matter of time.

I now think in relation to drink

I have not lost my job YET..
I have not been caught drunk driving YET.......
I have not had any legal problems YET...

I also never ever thought I would find myself on a forum like this.

I have spared myself the debate of if I am a binge drinker, alcoholic, addict etc.
All I know is that drink makes me really unhappy and I hate the person I am when I drink.

It is not easy at first. I had to 'learn' how to live sober. I decided to avoid certain social situations. Not forever, but just at the critical time. Now it is no problem at all.

I have 274 days sober and for the most part it has been brilliant.

I hope you find yourself at home here and continue to post and keep coming back. xx

mustardonly77

Thank you for the words. I haven't had a drink in four days, which I'm proud of, but in the back of my mind, worried after about a week to week in a half I'll start to ******** myself into thinking I can handle drinking (few others times I decided to "slow down" or be a "social drinker" or "only drink like my wife does") never worked for more than a week. Working on taking it "one day at a time".

And thank you for the reminder of "yet". I never thought I be here and feel that I would "need" to drink. How my thinking would radically change to modify my life/ schedule around drinking (how responsible of me!). Looking forward to becoming part of this community and staying sober.

nonblondechef

10 months sober here today. I don't miss drinking and I REALLY don't miss feeling like chyt everyday after a night of elbow bending. You can enjoy yourself and your friends without drinking. I recently spent a weekend at my son's wedding where only my daughter and I were not drinking, but we had fun, just the same. It helped me to really get my feet sunk into the cement to avoid drinking environments for a few months. I did not need any more triggers than the beast who I silenced daily. You can do this - you have a good head on your shoulders and a caring wife. Good luck to you on your sobriety journey and welcome, we're glad you're here!! Smiles, NBC

Gladiolus

Keep reading this forum and books on the topic. I don't have any other support system and
I'm almost a month sober. I found that reading helped immensely to remind me of why I can't drink! No drama yet, just like you but I was definitely heading in that direction.
There is so much more in everyday life to enjoy then being buzzed, I hope all goes well for you and that you can stay strong. I hope I can stay strong too!

Windancer

Welcome and good job This is a great place. I am fairly new too and love it. Congrats on that important step!