diha

I had an appt with my counselor last night. My problem is I think about drinking constantly. I may be thinking about wanting a drink, how to avoid having a drink, calories in drinks, drinking and cancer.... The list goes on. She told me that I will not be able to stop because I keep thinking about it. That makes sense. If you stop thinking about something then you have no desire for it. The thoughts are gone and no action is taken. She made it sound so simple. Just stop thinking about it. How the hell do you do that? If it did not exist in my mind then I would not be where I am. I think she may be crazy if she thinks you can just erase something from your mind. Thoughts?

bbthumper

THis is the part of alcoholism that really screws us. If it was just drinking that was the problem then I would be fine if I just stopped drinking. THe problem was that I couldnt stay stopped. My mind would stay stuck on booze and the relief it might bring. Eventually I would always convince myself to drink. I found the 12 steps of AA to be my answer to this problem. I did not have the power to just change my thinking. My obsession with alcohol was too much to just "stop." The actions we take in AA relieve us of this obsession and we experience freedom from thinking about drinking. Sobriety is no longer a fight. Im just along for the ride.

Best wishes to you!

MIRecovery

It took a while but I have multiple days where Alcohol never enters my mind and even if it does it leaves as fast as it came. This would never have been possible without AA

Maylie

I used to find myself obsessing over my DOC and then instead of sitting around
thinking about using I started to fill up my day with things to get my mind off of using.

Filling up my days wasn't that hard since I'm a law student and well the homework we
get is enough to fill up anyone's day. Besides homework and class I made sure when I started to think about using I would walk the dog, or play with the dog, watch a good movie, call a family member friend and just catch up on gossip (keep the convo light), clean the house, cook a good dinner, etc. I realized that the less I sat around thinking about how I wanted to use the easier it got.

My boyfriend who is also in recovery is having a hard time with this. I looked at him
and said "Get over it this is a clean and sober household. Don't bother thinking about it because guess what it ain't gonna happen we're in recovery deal with it" and although it sounds
mean, the next day he said it was just what he needed to snap out of it.

Windancer

I too have struggled with this. I find that adding a new direction or focus in my life and keeping super busy (especially during times I would usually have been drinking) really helps. And Im trying to tell my brain "No! Never again" whenever that annoying and tempting voice tries to open its mouth again.

hypochondriac

I have to say I totally disagree that if you stop thinking about it the desire will go away. Some of the scariest moments in my recovery have been when I wasn't thinking about drinking, just wandering around being and feeling like a normal sober person, and then from totally left field I would get a craving/desire so strong it would totally throw me. If it wasn't from what I learnt from AVRT I'd imagine I would be freaked out that I seemingly wanted to drink. These days I pre-empt these moments by thinking about drinking first. If I am having a rough week I make more effort to go to AA meetings or see my keyworker. I always spend time on here every day to remind myself why I am not drinking and learn new ways how to live sober and be happy about it. Thinking about not drinking keeps me sober.

diha

It is the constant thinking that sabotages. It becomes everything I am. All my energy is put towards thinking about alcohol. I need to talk about it and think about it rather than obsess over it. Finding replacements is tough. I drank twice last week once because my mom asked me to pick up wine for her and the other time because my sister asked. It does not help to have 6 siblings and 2 addicted parents.

bbthumper

Are you involved in any program of recovery?

doggonecarl

When I read your first post, I wondered how long you had been sober. Then I read your second post...

...I get my answer and possibly the answer to why you still obsess about alcohol. You are still in the grip of your addiction. The obession will lift if you can accumulate substantial sober time.

In my first 3, 4 months I was either thinking about drinking or thinking about not drinking. It was exhausting, but I got through it. You can too.

Are you following a structured recovery program?

aasharon90

Changing people, places and things having
anything to do with alcohol is one of many
important steps I have taken in helping me
stay sober for a many one days at a time
for many yrs.

I'm not strong willed enough when it comes
to handling alcohol or being that close to it.
Because I love it that much, it in fact doesnt
love or likes me. It loves to mess with my mind,
destroy me, take advantage of me etc. So, for
me, my peace of mind, my well being, my
recovery, alcohol is banned from my reach.

Today, i dont obsess over it, but rather replace
it with healthier thoughts and prayers which takes
daily practice and maintanence of a recovery
program incorperated in my everyday life.

freshstart57

It's hard to 'not think' about something. We end up 'thinking about not alcohol' which turns out to be the same as 'thinking about alcohol'. It is possible to think about something else instead, like doing things that nondrinkers do. We can also learn to not think about anything at all.

diha

I am not in a program. I know that there should not be any excuses but... I am a single mom and have my kids all the time. I work full time and then drive the kids around. I have replaced the open slots with volunteering, story/crafts at the library etc.. I want to spend any free the with the kids since there is notice of it.
My family will babysit if I am going out to a bar but won't if I am going to a meeting or to see my counselor. They are not very supportive.

hypochondriac

Sorry your family isn't supportive. It's common I think because it is rare that non alcoholics really understand the obsession. You don't have to go to meetings though. If AA is the route you want to go down you can do online meetings, or use SR as your support. Or look into something like AVRT which doesn't require meetings at all. Most of my fixing of my thoughts happens just constantly on a daily basis. It isn't something a weekly meeting will fix.

I would mind you refuse to buy alcohol for family. I'm sure they can manage that themselves. Protect yourself. Don't put yourself in a situation where you know you'll drink.

aasharon90

I learned that my recovery/sobriety is mine.
If I want it more than anything, then I will
go to any lengths to get it, including taking
my kids with me, so I can learn how to live
a program of recovery incorperated in my
everyday life.

My little family went on their merry way
living their normal lives filled with school,
work, band, etc. They were glad that I was
living this new recovery life with no alcohol,
but it was up to me to do whatever I needed
to do to stay sober.

And I did. For me.

Living amongst normal family members makes
a family unit unstable with difficulty in communicating
and understanding. With one sick with addiction,
it affects all member in some way or another. In
order for the family unit to be strong and stable,
they offer recovery programs for all members to
help undertand and support each other.

Unfortunately in my little family, all are normal
and all went on with their normal lives while I
grew and changed in recovery leaving them not
understanding what happened to me. It was like
we were living on different planets.

Because of our unbalanced family, my 25yr marriage
ended, kids are grown and gone living a healthy,
happy life, husband remarried and so did I.
Today, i continue on my recovery journey some
22yrs sober later and living a more happier, healthier,
honest life passing on my own experience, strenghts
and hopes with others in recovery.

Fandy

a wise person on these boards gave me some very good advice my first week...(besides to drink a lot of water and eat lightly). She told me that cravings last about 7 mins...then they start to subside. (thanks Anna)

she was correct, I've timed them with the microwave timer when i needed to...and in 7 mins. if I'm home, i can clean a counter, a toilet, start a load of wash and many other practical things that make me feel organized and give me a small sense of accomplishment.

I did get over myself too, stopped gnashing and obsessing, I do not dictate what others do when we get to family get togethers, i serve booze...at the end of the night, I pack it up and send it home with my brother (the sensible sibling with no addiction except cake)

choublak

What's with the family members asking you to go pick up wine for them?

diha

They are alcoholics also. I have tried quitting before and I told them. I am not telling them this time because they like to test me. They would probably give me a bottle of vodka for Christmas if they knew. I don't think that they are doing it to be mean to me but rather they don't want me to change because they are addicts.

Lionhearted1

Yeh why would they won't you to change if there heading for disaster alcoholics like to drink and like to drink with other people also who,have problems makes them feel normal as such.

As for the obsessing I suppose like all things in life it takes time, you would not expect to make a million pounds from your new buisness the next week so why would you think after 1 week of not drinking you would be free of cravings, withdrawels etc.

I think that people have to be realistic and except just Like anything worth doing in this world it takes work commitment and belief!!

Good luck.

recall

that is good to know, about the 7 minutes, thanks Fandy.

Dee74

Hi Diha

I think everyone of us here has experience with thinking about drinking, obssessing over it even.

That will go away - if you stay sober and do your best to make the changes in your life that you need to make - I wouldn't go and buy others alcohol for example, I would not go out to bars for a while either, or be around heavy drinkers I can could at all help it.

To make change needs changes - there's no short cut I'm arfaid.

The really important thing is tho - you can think about alcohol all day long - I did...the important bit is what you do in response to those thoughts.

It's not easy and it's not comfortable...but you do not have to drink...and it will get easier

I think support's very important too - if, for whatever reason you can easy use face to face support I really urge you to use SR - log in here daily,. multiple times daily, join the Class of November thread, the 30 days and Under thread...

I really believe you'll get out of your recovery what you put into it.

D