Funda

Hello, I am in need of help about getting stuck and I can not see no way out. I got married in 1999 to my husband who was an heroin addict then stopped but became an alcholic and died in 2004. A year before his death I was moved out with my 2 year old daugther. I still looked after him, visit him every day and made him meal, cleaning etc.. but for the last month of his life I was too depressed to even take care of myself and actually when he came to my door I didnt even let him in and that was the last time I saw him alive. He died of methodone over dose, police thinks its accidental or a suicide or even a murder cos there was a person with him at the time so till today it remains as an open case. After 4 years of overcoming all guilt and hell, I met a person who I liked and felt close, after a year of our relationship we moved in together, then soon after I found out that he was too smoking cannabis and sometimes taking some pills, I was sad but I didnt leave him cos I thought God gave me a message perhaps I did wrong with my late husband and I could put it right this time.. Its been 5 years with him now I lost jobs, friends and my families respect. Issue is I take on two jobs cos he doesnt work, he doesnt clean, he rarely cooks and he doesnt really do anything and I am tired. he be just searching for his things to take allday just like its his 24 hour job. he didnt take pills for over a year now but smokes from morning till he is goes to bed and actual problem is 50% of what I earn goes to him and the rest goes for rent and bills. There is nothing left to me, no clothes, no meetings with friends, no trips, no life.. I left him 4 times in years but one time he ended up in the hospital and I went back, other 2 times he said he stopped then I went back, last time was the longest 3 months and he ended up homeless, sleeping in the parks, even he was seen by a friend eating from the bin and got beaten up by some people. Then I had to bring him home or he was going to die. I am very scared that past will repead but I am very unhappy. I care about him very much and he matters to me and I do feel bad for him cos his life also is not easy cos he does hate himself most of the time. If I leave he will end up dead I am afraid. Is there a solution for how I can get things right for both of us please.
sorry about my posting has many mistakes since English is my second language.

YoungAndClean

You poor woman that is tragic. Please don't ever think any of this is your fault, addiction is an illness of the mind, your late husband had a very serious addiction problem and sadly it took his life. It's common amongst heroin users. That doesn't make it any less sad and horrific but there is nothing anyone could have done differently to stop him. Trust me, I use to be addicted to heroin.

Your in a tough situation with the new man you are seeing. On one hand you are unhappy and hate all the money he wastes, on the other hand just kicking him out and punishing him doesnt seem to accomplish much. Honestly I dont have an answer for you, but do yourself a favor and check "Friends and Family of Addicts" forum on SR those ppl will be much more able to help you handle the situation because something does have to change, I just don't know what and am not the person to tell you. I'm the person to welcome you to SR and let you know your not alone. Lots of people are affected by addiction, and there is hope & real solutions. You probley feel trapped and unsure of what to do so look around on SR and search until you find answers to your problems.

IndaMiricale

Welcome to SR Funda

I am the recovering side of alcohol and drugs. But I only can say is that your just helping him one his way to death, maybe just a little slower with your help.

None of this is your fault. And you need to be able to learn this..

I wish you all the best. And please stick around you can recieve great support here. And use the friends and family's forums, you will be able to talk with more of the people that can give you what you need.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

doggonecarl

You English is fine, Funda. Your pain comes across loud and clear.

The addicts in our lives aren't messages from God. They are the results of choices we made. Leaving is a choice too and one you will probably have to make, hard as it might be to imagine. As you have probably figured out, you have no control over your boy friend's addiction. You can't save him. The only life you control is your own.

Don't let guilt be your guide.