Rough waters
Rough waters
Major rough weekend for me, anxiety levels were outta control. As if that wasn't enough, my bestie and I fought the entire weekend! We were BOTH hateful with the things we said and I feel terrible. I was a happy drunk, it just physically wasn't good for me....sigh....and BOO!!!
Anyhow, I contemplated drinking, thought it through and didn't do it, but I wanted too! I so wish just not drinking would answer my troubles, but unfortunetly they were just masked by alcohol and had nothing to do with alcohol itself.
I am physically drained for some reason, it's been 30+ days and I feel terrible physically, I cleaned my house all day yesterday to keep busy and exhausted myself, which probably didn't help matters, then I went off on my bestie because we were 10 minutes late for a movie I really wanted to see (the argument escalated, we didn not see the movie). I think I am deep down not a nice person, which is why I drank, it made me the little part of me that could be nice bigger....sigh....
Ok, off to get ready for church.....I need to beg for forgiveness for riding around on my broomstick all weekend
HAppy SUnday!
Anyhow, I contemplated drinking, thought it through and didn't do it, but I wanted too! I so wish just not drinking would answer my troubles, but unfortunetly they were just masked by alcohol and had nothing to do with alcohol itself.
I am physically drained for some reason, it's been 30+ days and I feel terrible physically, I cleaned my house all day yesterday to keep busy and exhausted myself, which probably didn't help matters, then I went off on my bestie because we were 10 minutes late for a movie I really wanted to see (the argument escalated, we didn not see the movie). I think I am deep down not a nice person, which is why I drank, it made me the little part of me that could be nice bigger....sigh....
Ok, off to get ready for church.....I need to beg for forgiveness for riding around on my broomstick all weekend
HAppy SUnday!
I'm willing to bet, deep down, you really ARE a nice person. Alcohol blurs the sharp edges of our personalities......it also allowed me to "chill" over problems.
It is frustrating to learn new ways to cope....but we can do it
It is frustrating to learn new ways to cope....but we can do it
Make sure you get as much rest as you can in the first few months, things 'up there' are healing and your mood will swing hard. Not easy I know, but sleep, meditation and working on your recovery (yourself) are great in the first 90 days.
Best Wishes.
Best Wishes.
Sounds to me like you are getting a grip on it. We all get a bit testy now and then in sobriety until we learn to see it coming and not act on the temper tantrum. Not too tough, just challenging for all of us. Congrats on the 30+ days!
I've found myself being short with people, people I have never had an issue with before. I think a lot if stuff I used to just take and not think about and now that I am taking better care of myself I am standing up more for myself. I have found a few friendships that I really cherish and appreciate and a few I am not wanting to move forward with anymore.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
Sorry you feel so down. I feel like number 2 too. Tomorrow will finish week 4. 28 days. The past few days my head was so messed up I could'nt figure out how long I had been sober. It got so bad I looked up confusion and alcoholism . I convinced myself I had past the point of redemption and would spend the rest of my life in a cognitve quagmire. OK so I can count again. I think you're nice. Your posts come off warm and genuine. I believe you are going to make it.
Hi Lola - glad you shared your feelings here. It always helped relieve my anxiety in the early days. You're still growing and changing as you adjust to your new life - it's normal.
It's hard to imagine you aren't nice - I don't buy it.
It's hard to imagine you aren't nice - I don't buy it.
Lola,
One of my justifications for continuing drinking was that it made me more calm. Without alcohol I can be very short and impatient. This time I try to think ahead and not get worked up and anxious (really hard to change that behavior).
I have been taking naps anytime I can. The extra rest has been helping, especially with the irratibility.
Hang in there, no real advice, just want you to know that I am in the same phase as you and drinking is not the answer.
Toss
One of my justifications for continuing drinking was that it made me more calm. Without alcohol I can be very short and impatient. This time I try to think ahead and not get worked up and anxious (really hard to change that behavior).
I have been taking naps anytime I can. The extra rest has been helping, especially with the irratibility.
Hang in there, no real advice, just want you to know that I am in the same phase as you and drinking is not the answer.
Toss
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)