Diggnhim

I feel like a hypocrite, I am a hypocrite! I am a christian but Im still struggling with alcohol! I want to blame my behavior on my husband but its my choice that is deciding my life!! I want to stop!!! I cant! I want to! Being married to someone who wants me to go out with him and dance but for me not to drink, I cant!!! If I say no, we may go opposite dirrections. Theres alot of women that would love to take my place. I know I should trust God but I feel like a failure with Him! I want to change! why dont I even try?

Jeni26

You are not a failure!! You are an alcoholic and you want to change. That is the important and crucial thing here.
I had to make some big changes when I first quit. i had to avoid those places and people that were a part of my drinking days. It would have been impossible for me to carry on going out to pubs with my usual crowd, the pull was far too strong.
Maybe you need to stop the dancing for a while. Have you spoken to your husband about how difficult it is for you? Are you following a recovery programme?
Remember you are not failing, you are just beginning x

Diggnhim

I have talked to him but he thinks He can handle me. I want to please him and make him happy and not make our marriage difficult so I just go along with things? I dont know how to get out of this cycle! Im afraid of hurting our marriage but Im so tired of struggling!Its too hard, I dont know how to make a commitment and stick to it no matter what! Blaming everything on others! Its me! I was disfuntional from the start and how am I ever going to change, to stand up and not quit? I dont have what it takes! I thought God would do something to me to help me... How can I ever pray for anyone or say Im a christian. Idk.... I just dont know how Ill ever change, I hate myself!

Jeni26

Keep posting. We all understand how difficult this is.
Does your husband drink?
It sounds as though he doesn't understand how hard this is for you x

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Diggnhim

I am sorry you are struggling. I too thought I just couldn't make a commitment to not drinking. I felt weak. I'm afraid nothing miraculously happened for me. I had to work hard on getting sober and staying that way. I say hard, but really it was just a matter of making sure I had the right support and working on my thinking patterns. I know it feels hopeless but you can and will recover. Have you looked into any support before, AA? I used bits from AVRT and SMART recovery too. There is a lot of support out there when you start looking. You'll get lots of support here too x

least

Welcome to SR! Stopping drinking means just not drinking for today. Can you get thru one day without drinking? Try it. Just for today.

aasharon90

Taking control of your life, your alcoholism,
takes Courage. The Courage to Change into
the person you deserve to be. There will others
around you that may not agree or accept the
changes that will accur in the positive choices
you make in your life, however, these choices
are yours and no one elses. You wanting to
be happy, joyous and free in life is worth every
step you take in building a strong stable foundation
to live upon in life and recovery.

Your choice will allow you to have a more
meaningful purpose in life and to others.
Don't let anyone stand in your way to living
a healthier, happier, honest life from this day
forward one day at a time.