Hard
 

So, I've come to the conclusion that...this is HARD work. Harder than I thought it would be. I feel like any time I'm out of the house, I'm safe. Keep myself busy and I won't drink. But at home, it's a different story. I've drank a few times, only admitted once, to a couple people, because I'm ashamed. It's a huge letdown. You build yourself up, stop drinking for a time, only to slip up. If I didn't know that the "slip-ups" could potentially get me back to where I was, it wouldn't be a big deal. But I know they can. And I don't wanna go back there. I don't want Detox and everything else I've experienced to be in vain. Sobriety felt so good. I just don't get it...well, maybe I do. You become accustomed to doing something, though it's bad for you, but it brings comfort. So even though, deep down, you know you shouldn't, you still want to...but, I'm still questioning myself, why????? I was so sure of myself and now I'm not...

There's no logic to addiction Carly.
I've drunk at times when it made absolutely no sense to drink.

But that was in active addiction...in recovery I know what to do if and when I have those irrational insane thoughts...

and I think you know you know what to do too Carly :)

if they come, don't act on those impulses, make healthy decisions, and reach out for support.

If you keep slipping, maybe you need more support? what have you tried so far?

There's no reason to be afraid tho...I don't believe any of us is a victim waiting for an ambush...your recovery is as strong and resilient as you're prepared to make it :)

It can be hard work - that's where the support comes in - but it's necessary work...and the rewards are immense :)

D

Be strong. Believe in yourself. Your doing good. If you slip up. Just remember...that it will be a challenge.. but you need to over come those challenges before.. you can over come a problem.