Going through recovery with a cheating spouse.
 

Ok I finally realised today Im not going crazy from withdrawl. I know my wife has been having an affair. I knew for more than a month but shes been convincing me Im chasing ghosts. My question is she is kind of my rock, when I am alone it is easier for me to relapse. Problem is any person I know that I could stay with is closest by 12 hours by plane. I was thinking to move back to an old city that I used to live in here which is about 3 hours away. The stress of being around my wife when I know something is going on and she wnt tell me is killng me. It is actually driving me nuts but she is too smart and I will never catch her in the act. My heart is telling me to leave but we also have a pet together which I could not take with me. My question is, only being a week in would it be dangerous to try and go it alone? I kno most will say only i know the answer but i need some advice from an experienced member. Also if I stay here my jealousy will get the best of me and Im afraid of myself flying off the handle at the wrong person. I would never hurt my wife or myself but I may cause her to lose her job. Ive tried talking her but she just denies everything and would never ever tell me unless i caught her red handed which i never will. Ive also tried just keeping to myself but she gets angry and says im acussing her of something I shouldnt do. Right now the most important thing is sobriety. Please someone give me some advice.

To be blunt my friend

I wonder how your wife is finding the time to have an affair?
My old lady took a long time to get used to me sober.
She still 'cheats' but its not with another guy, its with a drink.

Just worry about yourself, and your own journey.

To be honest LC I found it a lot easier to go alone in my recovery. I had a fiance, who was either playing around or having some kind of mental breakdown. Once we split up everything was a lot easier because the only person I had to worry about was me. And that's who YOU have to worry about. Worry about YOURSELF. If your wife is cheating on you and you know this for a fact then she isn't going to be a major rock in your recovery for long. The only person who can be a major rock in your recovery is you. I'm not going to tell you what to do. It's a choice you are going to have to make for yourself. I hope you make the right one. The most important thing is your sobriety. Guard it in anyway you can. If you have to make some drastic changes first off then that may be what you have to do.

Natom.

Is it possible for you to go into therapy or counseling. That might help you tease apart this situation and clarify what might be best for you.

very few of us have the option to get clean and sober in a perfect environment. It seems the majority of us get sober in an atmosphere of lost jobs, wrecked relationships, jail time, abuse and financial messes. It tends to go with the territory.

We can and DO get sober and stay sober and pull our lives back together even in such circumstances. So, I do believe that you can get and stay sober whether you choose to stay or leave at this time.

Please re read your initial post. She is your rock, but your rock is also what is driving you mad.

I was in that place, and it stinks. It was a bumpy road to recovery and it involved pretty much all the aspects you describe in your life, but today I am clean and sober and have more recovery time behind me than I've ever racked up in my life.

As difficult as the "external" circumstances are right now. (though using the term external to describe things that so deeply affect us seems wrong) recovery is primarily an inside job. We choose, and then practice addressing life differently. We can start exactly where we are, in exactly the circumstances we find ourselves in. The thing to focus on is recovery NO MATTER WHAT. If we do that, we find we can deal with whatever happens on the outside.