pfc78

Hello.

I came across this site when I Googled "alcohol and depression". I've been going through rough times recently and looking for some sort of solution.

I'm not sure if this is the place to discuss this, but I've had my share of drinking disasters and mishaps over the years. I was charged with DWI in May of '02 and stopped drinking cold turkey immediately. Two and a half years later, on my birthday, I started again. Even then I only drank occasionally and moderately, until my first marriage ended that following year and I turned back to my single guy ways of going out almost every weekend and drinking heavily.

I met who became my second wife and settled down somewhat, because we had 2 children between us and I wanted things to work between us. Fast forward 3 years and another divorce and with new found freedom, the drinking picked back up. I was more responsible this time around and usually only drank moderately, like a beer or 2 while watching tv at night, but then this past July I lost my job due to a plant closure, which gave me too much free time.

Over the past several months, I've had more time to hang out with friends while my daughter is with her mother and the majority of my friends are not good role models when it comes to drinking. I'm no saint myself, but I'm usually the most responsible person when we're together, which is sad to say, because I sometimes go overboard. At first, I would wake up the next morning after either crashing on a couch or being driven home and other than a little headache, I'd be fine. Lately, though, things have gotten worse.

I went to a party with a bunch of ex-coworkers a few weeks ago, and what started out as a good time where I only intended to have a few beers turned into several beers, a few shots of vodka, and PGA punch. I woke up the next morning not remembering a good chunk of the night, except that I got sick and had to be driven home in my own car. I was overwhelmed with depression and fatigue that didn't subside for 2 or 3 days. I felt like an idiot because the majority of those people, who I worked with for over 7 years had never even seen my drink, let alone get plastered. Pictures popped up on Facebook (which I asked to be removed), of me acting like a fool and one of me passed out on a couch. I've had a couple of nights out with a friend that had me feeling the same depression the day after, even though I didn't drink a great deal.

I guess my point is, where do these feelings come from? My friends can drink and be in good spirits the next day and even be active. I don't want to do anything but stay in bed or on the couch while kicking myself for being so stupid. It seems like the days of having a good time and being happy that I did the next day are over and I don't know why. I'm wondering if it's time for me to say enough is enough and quit for good.

Sorry for the long read, but I felt it might be helpful to give some history. I'm also sorry if this isn't the place, but I had to get this off my chest someplace where I may get some positive advice. Or just advice, period.

Dee74

Hi pfc - Welcome

I often wondered why my friends could drink like I did and be fine...

and I was the depressed distraught wreck...who'd then turn around and go and drink more to 'feel better'.

Clearly alcohol affects me differently that it does most other people...

I also knew I was selling myself majorly short living my life that way. I was disgusted with myself to be honest.

The best thing I ever did was give up drinking. I like myself and I love my life - I can look at myself in the eyes in the mirror again and I know that those I love can be proud of me.

It's a great feeling...and all I had to do was accept I was different, and give up alcohol

D

Tres

Welcome PFC. This place is wonderful. You will get a lot of support.

I had the same depressive feelings too the day after. I hated myself..thought I was worthless. It got worse as time passed and I kept drinking. I decided I had had enough and quit. That was one year ago. I can say with all my strength that those feelings are gone. I never have to feel that way again. Its an amazing feeling to wake up everyday without beating myself up.

You don't have to either. Keep reading and posting here.

artsoul

Welcome pfc!

If you're questioning your drinking (especially if you find yourself drinking more , or more often, than you intend) you've come to a great place. I commend you for looking at the role of alcohol in your life. A lot of us, myself included, found that our drinking only got worse over time.

You're more than welcome here, and I hope this forum can help you sort some things out. Look around, read, make yourself at home....

pfc78

Thanks, guys. Your words and welcome mean a lot.

I thought I'd gotten past all of this, being able to stop after a beer or two, while my friends would become concerned because I wasn't funneling it down my throat like they were. Now, I'm almost right there with them. It's just gotten to the point where it's not very much fun anymore.

I have to keep in mind that while I no longer have a woman to come home to, my daughter needs me. Not only to stay out of jail, but to be fit to care for her. Right now, I'm unemployed and trying to start school this January and I need to keep my head on straight.

Thanks again.