Lionhearted1

Let me start by saying this places the best thing on the web and you lot are fantastic thanks for all the support, but strangely I just feel that I can not or will not get sobriety. Sure I have done 3 months here 2 months There but a lifetime or even a year I don't see it!!

My problem is this in the outside world iam a highly successful buisness man I run 2 companies employ people and think I can overcome anything as I have done in the past, but it seems I can not just quick drink.. I get so worked up and feel I deserve to drink due to my success it sounds ridulous but it's how I feel. I drive home and it's on me, as soon as I buy the bottle of wine I immediately feel at ease! I know this is not normal but it's all I know!!

Take care...

Anna

You can find new and healthy ways to manage your life.

Have you tried exercising, music, walking, getting involved in a hobby that you love? I hope you find your way.

soberjim

Lion (or should I say Mr. Hearted)... I posted earlier today about being on SR for 1 yr.
First, let me say I agree that SR is a great place to find support.

I have SLOWLY come to the realization that I cannot drink..I could write the intital post. I have had a great deal of success this year employment wise. I feel the pressure after several days and feel I need a drink to unwind.

Bottom line...You will stop when you want to stop. Acceptance is key..I am at that point.

I wish I could say more to help you. You are posting here today. That tells me you are concerned. If you keep drinking, do you see any health consequences, relationship consequences? Where do you think continuing drinking will lead. I can tell you that these are hard questions I am asking.

Jim

Lionhearted1

Iam concerned because I have had some terrible consequences due to alcohol if I listed them you would think iam absolutely insane to be drinking again, but that's exactly what this is for me insanity...

MidnightBlue

Lionhearted, it does not sound ridiculous. I was pretty successful at my work as well (not such a "Big Lion" as you, of couse), but, I think, the pattern is the same: hard work- I deserve- here we go.

And what works for success in business does not work for success in alcohol-fighting, because it has different nature. Logic, willpower, brains, whatever works in business, is helpless when it confronts an addiction. Addiction has no respect for status in society and success.

Relaxation, meditation, exercising, something that makes you happy, that appeals to your inner child -that works better.


Take care.

soberjim

Insanity...it is for all of us. For me it was like everyday the same. Pick up the wine at night time, drink, fall asleep, wake up at 3:15 a.m. Vow to not do it again. Repeat..

Are you open to AA? You indicated that you have done 3 months before. What did you do?

Lionhearted1

Iam not trying to get an ego boost here midnight, when I say iam successful it's for he simple fact iam trying to be honest as to why I feel I deserve to drink I have all these thoughts like: an alcoholic can't do what you do you can't be alcoholic my mind tells me all the crap and reasons why you must be differant etc iam just being honest.

And yes I have tried aa but honestly does not fit into my natural state of mind and logic but I won't go into all of that here its not the place!!!

Zube

Most people don't come to this sight on a winning streak...

Zube

soberjim

lion...I get it. Really, I do.....Will you still be successful if you continue to drink? Do you have enough good reasons to give it up and stay stopped?

MIRecovery

In AA we talk about the "Yets" I have not been arrested yet, I have not lost my business yet, I do not have liver problems yet, My loved ones do not hate me yet.

You may be a success in business but what aboout the rest of your life. I would much rather be a failure in business and be a success with life than the other way around.

Alcoholism is progressive and hopefully you will not have to experience too many yets.

Splasho

I am only on Day 5 today and I am struggling right now... I am soooooooo wound up, irritated by the smallest, stupidest things, constantly thinking about the calm that a drink or 10 brings me... but I'm trying to breathe, keep myself occupied, and read through here to stay strong. Hopefully I make it through today and beyond, and I hope you do too LH

soberlicious

Mr. LH. I can imagine the level of intensity you apply to solving problems and creating successes in your business life. Your fierce and keen business sense is a part of you, surely, but also something you've had to work on developing over the years as well, right?

You are fully capable of quitting and living drink free forever if you so desire. You succeed in other areas and this is no different. Your addiction just wants you to believe it is. There is nothing mysterious about this. Solve it as you would anything that threatened to tank your business. Swiftly and permanently.

AVRT might interest you.

Crawdaddy

I can completely relate, my key was to refocus my energy on the addictions.
My wife put it best... She said I was addicted, not a Di@k head and that I needed to see the problem for what it was, a problem and not a reward.

MidnightBlue

Lionhearted, sorry, I maybe just put it in a wrong way. I was just trying to say that I understand what you are talking about. I used to say the same things to myself: if I can manage all this at work, I should be able to manage this addiction as well. But it has nothing to do with our abilities to make a good career or run business. And it was so hard to accept that I am helpless. And I am really helpless it comes to wine.

Thanks for being honest.

soberjim

Midnight.. I think that is was I was trying to say...You can be successful and powerless.. for a while. I believe that it the drinking continues the success will not happen..Matter or time.

Also...frankly I think you just get tired of the internal dialogue and struggle...

Lionhearted1

Exactly outside successful, inside powerless... And to be honest I started attending aa and Iam going to be honest. I would drive to the meeting people would be outside they would see me iam only 30 and then my car and straight away I would get looks like why is he here,then I would hear sly remarks in the meeting about ego money cars etc and I started to feel truly uncomfortable I started to park my car around the street and walk.

soberlicious

While some do, not everyone finds the concept of powerlessness useful or effective.

Lionheart, how often do you let someone or something get the better of you? Not often I would imagine, and certainly not if the threat were as dire as addiction truly is. But here you are, letting it be in control. Letting it drive the bus. That makes you a passenger, a follower. Doesn't seem congruent with the man you describe.

There are lots of options you can explore. In the meantime, you can start with completey ridding yourself of this kind of self-talk:
I see that you are over the pond from me. I think you call this kind of thinking "rubbish" over there. You can quit. Educate yourself. You are a smart man.

I hope you do not give up. It is amazing to be free of addiction. It really is. I want that for you.

Lionhearted1

And Zube that's the exact reaction I had in aa you can't be an alcoholic look at your car ( your on a winning streak)...

IndaMiricale

Sounds normal to me , but then again I am a alcoholic

Thats all I knew for decades, and lost everything eventually. I had a great career as a chef with a great woman and life by the balls. Till all of a sudden after years of abuse and "feeling at ease" all I had was my balls in my hand...

Keep coming back, and try something different , because what your doing isnt working.

AA saved this alcoholic from my way of thinking..

lilgolden73

Don't do it lion!!!! Plllzzzzz!!!