My journey and denial
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
My journey and denial
I am new to the board and am starting to realize I have a problem. I am 32 years old and have been drinking since I was 17years old.
It all started when I was 17 years old. Me and my friend used to steal beer from my dads fridge on Saturday night. We would go meet our other friends and I began to enjoy the feeling of being drunk. At 17 I was more relaxed and it became very easy to talk to girls. I instantly started to associate alcohol with my ability to get girls and have a good time. My first girlfriend of 5 years, I asked out when intoxicated and I convinced myself I would have never had the courage when sober. Back in those days I would drink maybe once or twice a month. I was very active in sports and hated to be hungover.
My next experience with alcohol was when I was 22. While I was with my girlfriend of 5 years I had no reason to drink so it was rare that I drank. She decided to leave me when we went away to college. I was devastated and my friends convinced me I needed to get out and enjoy my single days again. I began drinking on weekends with them. I soon found I felt great and forgot about my ex when I was drunk. I also found I was funny and more open with girls when I was drunk again. I once again associated drinking with getting girls and having a good time. I did not go crazy and only drank on Friday and Saturdays. I still hated hangovers.
For the next 10 years I will call what has happened to me a progressive decline. I have a great career, a great house, great fiance and I am still in great shape and no one would look at me and think I have a problem. I began drinking a few beers or a few glasses of wine on my nights off. I began to enjoy the fuzzy relaxing feeling it gave me. I justified the drinking to myself and said hell I workout every morning, I eat well, I sleep well, I should enjoy myself. It was only on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, and every so often I would take a weekend off or a few weeks off. The one problem now is I was not getting hungover as much.
Over the last three years this disease has snuck up on me. I suffered a great deal of stress in the last two years. Buying my first home, getting engaged, stressing over finances, stressing over getting promoted at my job. I began drinking every night I had off. I would drink a six pack or a bottle of wine and go to sleep. I would wake up, go to the gym and work it off. Once again I justified what I was doing saying as long as I am in good shape this isn't bad.
This May my best friends dad died of a massive heart attack while we were playing a round of golf, my grandfather suddenly passed away and my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer with a bleak outlook. The stress was burning my insides. I found myself working out until I was exhausted and drinking WAY more than ever. I usually work a 2-10 pm shift and most of the times on those nights I would just come home and go to sleep. Now I found myself drinking a bottle of wine or 6-8 beers before bed. My nights off I was drinking almost a bottle and a half of wine and a few beers mixed in.
I again justified it to myself. I am not having any health problems, I can still workout in the morning and function at work so no harm no foul. I never got hangovers anymore.
Well after a rather strenuous workout I developed a pretty nasty rash in my groin area. It would not go away. I went to my doctor who asked if I had taken antibiotics and I said no. He asked if I was diabetic and I again said no. He was perplexed. He asked if my fiance had a yeast infection I again said no. He then looked at me and asked if I drink Alcohol and I said Yeah socially. He asked me to define social. When I told him I drink 5 nights out of the week and told him the quantity his face turned bright red. He informed me I had developed a yeast infection. He bluntly told me I would have never developed it had I not consumed such massive amounts of alcohol.
He then looked at me with tears in his eyes and said he has watched me grow up and has been my doctor since I was 12 years old. He took pride in every achievement, academically, athletically or professionally. He was rather blunt and said this should be a wake up call. My body was starting to feed on the alcohol and the chemistry was changing. He asked what would happen if I went 3 or 5 days without drinking. I said I could do it but I find myself getting moody. He said I was at the start of being alcohol dependent. If i continue down this path my health would suffer even more.
So here I am.... That was last Friday and I have not drank anything since then. I realized I never stopped having hangovers from drinking. I just forgot what it felt like to feel good in the mornings. I hope I can continue this journey back to where I came from. I thank all of you that took the time to read my loooong post.
It all started when I was 17 years old. Me and my friend used to steal beer from my dads fridge on Saturday night. We would go meet our other friends and I began to enjoy the feeling of being drunk. At 17 I was more relaxed and it became very easy to talk to girls. I instantly started to associate alcohol with my ability to get girls and have a good time. My first girlfriend of 5 years, I asked out when intoxicated and I convinced myself I would have never had the courage when sober. Back in those days I would drink maybe once or twice a month. I was very active in sports and hated to be hungover.
My next experience with alcohol was when I was 22. While I was with my girlfriend of 5 years I had no reason to drink so it was rare that I drank. She decided to leave me when we went away to college. I was devastated and my friends convinced me I needed to get out and enjoy my single days again. I began drinking on weekends with them. I soon found I felt great and forgot about my ex when I was drunk. I also found I was funny and more open with girls when I was drunk again. I once again associated drinking with getting girls and having a good time. I did not go crazy and only drank on Friday and Saturdays. I still hated hangovers.
For the next 10 years I will call what has happened to me a progressive decline. I have a great career, a great house, great fiance and I am still in great shape and no one would look at me and think I have a problem. I began drinking a few beers or a few glasses of wine on my nights off. I began to enjoy the fuzzy relaxing feeling it gave me. I justified the drinking to myself and said hell I workout every morning, I eat well, I sleep well, I should enjoy myself. It was only on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, and every so often I would take a weekend off or a few weeks off. The one problem now is I was not getting hungover as much.
Over the last three years this disease has snuck up on me. I suffered a great deal of stress in the last two years. Buying my first home, getting engaged, stressing over finances, stressing over getting promoted at my job. I began drinking every night I had off. I would drink a six pack or a bottle of wine and go to sleep. I would wake up, go to the gym and work it off. Once again I justified what I was doing saying as long as I am in good shape this isn't bad.
This May my best friends dad died of a massive heart attack while we were playing a round of golf, my grandfather suddenly passed away and my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer with a bleak outlook. The stress was burning my insides. I found myself working out until I was exhausted and drinking WAY more than ever. I usually work a 2-10 pm shift and most of the times on those nights I would just come home and go to sleep. Now I found myself drinking a bottle of wine or 6-8 beers before bed. My nights off I was drinking almost a bottle and a half of wine and a few beers mixed in.
I again justified it to myself. I am not having any health problems, I can still workout in the morning and function at work so no harm no foul. I never got hangovers anymore.
Well after a rather strenuous workout I developed a pretty nasty rash in my groin area. It would not go away. I went to my doctor who asked if I had taken antibiotics and I said no. He asked if I was diabetic and I again said no. He was perplexed. He asked if my fiance had a yeast infection I again said no. He then looked at me and asked if I drink Alcohol and I said Yeah socially. He asked me to define social. When I told him I drink 5 nights out of the week and told him the quantity his face turned bright red. He informed me I had developed a yeast infection. He bluntly told me I would have never developed it had I not consumed such massive amounts of alcohol.
He then looked at me with tears in his eyes and said he has watched me grow up and has been my doctor since I was 12 years old. He took pride in every achievement, academically, athletically or professionally. He was rather blunt and said this should be a wake up call. My body was starting to feed on the alcohol and the chemistry was changing. He asked what would happen if I went 3 or 5 days without drinking. I said I could do it but I find myself getting moody. He said I was at the start of being alcohol dependent. If i continue down this path my health would suffer even more.
So here I am.... That was last Friday and I have not drank anything since then. I realized I never stopped having hangovers from drinking. I just forgot what it felt like to feel good in the mornings. I hope I can continue this journey back to where I came from. I thank all of you that took the time to read my loooong post.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Inbetween dances
Posts: 548
Thank you for sharing new! I have found for the. Out part, the decision is pretty black and whit when we break it down. Unfortunately our minds try to take over. Congrats to you for being honest with your doctor. As you clearly stated, drinking is but a symptom of our real underlying issues. Quitting has improved my life daily. Life is still happening on life's terms, but I am not drinking it away anymore. I hope you can find what you need here at sr, or aa, or whatever path you choose 
seriously, best wishes!
seriously, best wishes!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 78
Welcome to SR... i think many of us recognise the slow decline...
goodluck with your journey... you've done great so far...I found the first few weeks the hardest as it was habit to start drinking but it soon got alot easier x
goodluck with your journey... you've done great so far...I found the first few weeks the hardest as it was habit to start drinking but it soon got alot easier x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 96
I used to binge drink when I was in the Army. I blacked out at least once every weekend for 2 years. Like you, I also worked out like crazy, especially on my off-time. I maxed out 2 physical tests while I was in during the binge drinking stage. 4 years later and thanks to severe shin splits, my body isn't as good of shape as it was in, but I feel 10 times better sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 10
Buick, It sounds like we have alot in common. When I was in my early and mid 20's when I would drink I would nearly go into a coma. During the week I never touched the stuff though. I always watched how I did during PT tests and my workouts. It sneaks up on you though. I noticed this year alot of little nagging injuries, aches in my knees, tendonitis, It would take me 3 days to recover instead of the usual 1 from workouts. When I was 22 I was able to run 2 miles in 11 minutes, do over 200 pushups without stopping and do pull ups all day. I want to get back to those days.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Gainesville, FL
Posts: 96
Same here man. I'm actually re-enlisting and shipping out hopefully sometime mid-January. I've lost 10 pounds in the last two weeks. My motivation is to max out a pt test this time next year. I only need 15 years in till I can retire. I screwed around a lot the first time I was in, and was always out drinking with my friends. Not this time bro. I'm goin listen to my body and treat it well.
You should check out Yoga, a lot of pro players are doing it these days and the NBA's all-time leading scorer, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, has repeatedly credited it towards him staying in top shape throughout his career. You'd be amazed at how much quicker your body recovers from those nagging injuries.
You should check out Yoga, a lot of pro players are doing it these days and the NBA's all-time leading scorer, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, has repeatedly credited it towards him staying in top shape throughout his career. You'd be amazed at how much quicker your body recovers from those nagging injuries.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 58
i relate to much of your story, at 30, and in pretty good shape have always been athletically and physically active myself, the drinking truly snuck up on me as well. I would rarely notice hangovers but I would also rarely notice being drunk, even after a whole bottle of vodka. My body was just numb, in a constant state of... blah. Yeah I functioned, for the most part, but being a functioning alcoholic isn't enough for me, and I know I am better than the blah and the numbness... because when sober, I can acheive so much more. And obviously, you know you can too. Welcome to SR! I have found great solace here and I am sure you will too! Congratulations on your decision
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
ND, thank you for your post and welcome to SR! This forum has really helped me stay away from heroin, which is my drug of choice. Some people hear that I was addicted to heroin and they are shocked because I *LOOK* so normal and have also always been in good shape physically (at least from the outside looking in) and I have had some success in relationships and jobs and whatnot.
You are correct that this is a progressive disease. Don't think what happened to me could not happen to you or anyone. I'm serious. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be hooked on opiates and strung out I would have laughed in your face. At that time I drank like you and thought I was fine. I thought I deserved to let loose and have some fun because life is stressful.
Well, things just kind of got worse and worse. Unlike you, I didn't stop drinking until I was totally destitute and and had lost almost everything dear to me. The worse things got, the more I just wanted to drink! Most of my problems were caused by alcohol yet I sought refuge in the bottle.
I learned in AA that over a period of time, any alcoholic gets worse never better. There is an invisible line that you can not see except when you look back. I hope you can take your doctor seriously.
Good luck and stick around! I hope you can catch this before you wake up and you're much older and have more dire consequences. Most alcoholics wont listen but you seem pretty smart.
You are correct that this is a progressive disease. Don't think what happened to me could not happen to you or anyone. I'm serious. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be hooked on opiates and strung out I would have laughed in your face. At that time I drank like you and thought I was fine. I thought I deserved to let loose and have some fun because life is stressful.
Well, things just kind of got worse and worse. Unlike you, I didn't stop drinking until I was totally destitute and and had lost almost everything dear to me. The worse things got, the more I just wanted to drink! Most of my problems were caused by alcohol yet I sought refuge in the bottle.
I learned in AA that over a period of time, any alcoholic gets worse never better. There is an invisible line that you can not see except when you look back. I hope you can take your doctor seriously.
Good luck and stick around! I hope you can catch this before you wake up and you're much older and have more dire consequences. Most alcoholics wont listen but you seem pretty smart.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Chula Vista, San Diego
Posts: 1
Alcoholic drinks, particularly beer and wine, use sugar/yeast in its fermentation. While I am not inclined to state that these beverages cause yeast infection, these are definitely feeding the candida and therefore aggravating the condition. Remove them from the equation and your yeast infection treatment regimen will surely give you optimal results.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
