eddie z.

:bluesky:

I'm 37 and I don't know how to use the phone. I don't know how to talk to people. I had to give away my adorable puppy. I can't cry. I barely feel anything except anxiety sometimes...and the occasional anger. I'm more lonely around people than when I'm actually alone. I...I...I...me...me...me.
Whine whine whine. I just had to let some of that out. Thanks!

Alice Wonder

eddie i like you. love-alice

wingsfree

WE ALL LOVE YOU

Sending tons and tons of love and extra hugs your way.

I hope you find some peace in Easter. Happy Easter.

A very understanding ........Denise

indigo

Eddie I am here for you too
love indigo x

Dan

:banger Remember we were talking about taking down walls the other day? The ones we worked so hard to build in order to allow ourselves the luxury of thinking we were safe using, hidden away from everyone and everything? I think we also built walls facing the other way, towards our souls. I also think that these walls are the ones I have to destroy first. I think I understand how you're feelin' eddie.

DD

Anna

Hi Eddie,

I think Dan said it best. Those walls we build are massive. I am here for you too. You'd be surprised how many of us have feelings like you do. Please hang in there and keep posting. We're all here to give you any support we can.

Love, Anna

Novemberphoenix

Hi Eddie,

I think I can relate to how you're feeling, was swimming in similar waters yesterday. Thankfully like all feelings and even the lack thereof no-thing remains static, the tide will turn and feelings will change. Sometimes all we can do in the meantime is breathe and reach out to those who care. You are loved Eddie.

Novemberphoenix

eddie z.

Thank you all so much, Alice, Denise, Indigo, Dan, Anna, and Nov.phoenix!!

NP,
I hope the tide has turned for you today!

I know I'll get those walls down eventually. I was just feeling impatient, sad, and frustrated last night. Plus the puppy wasn't trying to jump up on my lap to keep me company. I need to get in touch with my sponsor and keep working those Steps I guess. Maybe they will help me climb out of this cell.

Thanks again, all!
Love, Eddie

naiou1

Hey eddie z what up! So sorry about your dog. Im sure you found it a good home. I got the same problem with the phone as you and I been around alot longer. I hear practice,practice,practice and the phone won't weigh as much.
Somtimes I need to just listen to myself and take my own advice. It's funny,
I know way down deep inside that it is not possible for me to do this thing called recovery by myself yet I just keep tryin! You know what though? I'm better than I used to be. Anyway you can call me anytime and that goes for anybody else that reads this to. If your hurtin 24/7. Just don't call at 3am just to say HEY! 954-662-4681 DIAL IT DON"T FILE IT!
P.S. Love your new picture.
LOVE+HUGS
dennis

eddie z.

naiou,
Are you the Dennis formerly known as denden? Even if not, thanks for the advice, the number, and the encouragement! Yes, I found the puppy a good home with someone else in the program. And that picture is over 20 years old! The previous one was not me. Now, I guess I need to pick up that phone, huh?
Love, Eddie

rudeboy

hey Eddie,
I completly feel you man... as much as I'm trying to act like I've got it together, I'm a wreck... my ex has our/my puppies (ok, hers, but "we" got them when we were together) and as far as being social? I'm not even close yet, still feel freaked out around other people... but I'm sticking to my guns, good to see you sticking to yours!!!! (me, me, me... whine, whine, whine...)
but at least its not whine, whine, WINE!!!!
peace,
evan

eddie z.

Evan,
Good point! Yes, I am still sober! I still haven't called anybody yet today, but I'm planning to when I get done on here. If I ever get done on here. I have a habit lately of getting stuck on here.

Sorry about your dogs. That's gotta suck. The puppy was a stray we didn't mean to keep, but he was so charming that we couldn't help getting attached to him.

Oh, and I hope you mean "man" as in "person," because, surprise, surprise, I'm a chick! Don't worry about it, though. It happens all the time on here.

Love, Eddie

rudeboy

(embarrassed) ya know I did mean "man" as in "dude"....
and I was confused because in the pic next to the name is obviously a girl...
just thought eddie was a boys name!!! so sorry!
well its nice to meet you!
and I get stuck on here all the time too!!!!
gotta stop using it as an excuse not to go to meetings!!!!

evan

Dan

:LMAO
he he he...
Same thing happened to me Evan!
:LMAO
DD

2stop

(((((((((Eddie)))))))))) I can so relate to everything you wrote. It gets so tough. Big hugs coming your way. if you want my number let me know! I get to where I don't answer the phone for days on end, can't leave the house some weeks, get nervous crossing a street..and it really agitates and saddens me. But it gets better..it really does. It's just so slow at times it doesn't feel like we're going anywhere and the only hope is another day..with the same ol bull goin on. This Too Shall Pass. hang in there!! Love ya!!!!

dotcom

(((ed))) sorry i didnt get to this before! you hang in there and i will pray for you. i hate the phone... i would sooner like to see it fly out a window than have to pick it up. and i am so sorry about your puppy! that mustve been heart wrenching. sending hugs and prayers your way.

Hugs and love,

dot :bemine

eddie z.

Thank you, Evan, Dan, Tammie, and dot!!
Evan—no problem & no need for embarrassment

Yes, this is DEFININITELY no excuse for not going to meetings. I AM managing to go to 3 meetings a week (I'm actually required by a contract to do so!), but I haven't shared in ages and I don't really TALK to people even though I go out to eat too after a lot of meetings. I don't remember being like this before. Was it the drugs that made things "easier?" I just can't think of anything to say!

Love, Eddie

Chy

Eddie,
Please call your sponsor or other members of your fellowship. I've been worried about you the last couple weeks as I see your sadness and distress in your posts. I'm not sure what is going on but I know your struggeling and we're here for you my friend. Please take care of yourself and call your sponsor. You've come to far to throw it away.

eddie z.

Chy,
Thanks so much for your concern!! I truly appreciate it. I called a friend and she's going to come over for a movie tomorrow, so I'm really trying here. You're not the only one who's expressed worry about me. I think a lot of it has to do with getting my professional license back, provisionally, and now not knowing how to get a job, given the restrictions on my license and my history of addiction. I guess I'm pretty discouraged.

BUT...I have definitely been much worse and come out of it, so I have hope, just not a lot of patience. Plus I AM taking steps to work my way out of this. Small steps. And I am making slow progress. I can recognize it if I stop fretting long enough to think for a minute. I'm really having to MAKE myself do things, though, and I hate that feeling!

You all are definitely part of my Higher Power and convey messages from It to me. And I hear you. I'll be OK!! I just have to tell someone some of this stuff and I haven't worked up to doing it in person, but I'll get there, too!

Thanks again!
Love, Eddie ';'

1Marty

Hi Eddie, I think I understand how you feel. I suffer from anxiety, and I sometimes fear answering the phone (thank God for caller ID), I have trouble talking to people - feeling awkward. Posting anomymously on these boards even freaks me me out a bit! Beer or a bottle of vodka was my only answer in the past, but that sure doesn't work. I'm trying to take a more posative approach now.