quitforme79

Now all of you know and I feel better...well still guilty but I have a clear conscience. In the past I would've sat in the meeting and not said a word. Maybe that's progress? Idk...I DO want to be sober. Still waiting to meet this higher power everyone talks of. I thought I was spiritual but guess that's one more thing I need to learn. So many warm wonderful people on SR and in AA. Grateful to be sober today.

SoberForMySon

You'll never be alone here! Glad you're back.

pipparina

I'm glad you were honest. Secrets like that will turn into a cancer inside of you. Don't know if you heard the saying "we're only as sick as our secrets".
You have a lot of support here and in AA. No reason to feel guilt. Just get back on the horse.

Purplecatlover

Quit, I still believe in you. Don't give up. Keep battling. I know I got to where I was so exhausted from the mental/physical anguish of going back & forth. I wanted so badly to quit & yet I kept on. For years. And the cycle of self loathing, drink to feel better, end up feeling worse, drink again thinking this time I'll feel better, nope. On & on.

I finally had to make up my mind I was done for good. I wanted to be sober with every fiber of my being. I saw alcohell for the poison it is.
I don't know the magical combination. Only that I just kept on trying.
You can do this. Make it happen. You deserve to be free from the chains.

sugarbear1

Just make a prayer to that higher power of yours and ask for strength and guidance right now. See what happens next!

Helloooo HP!!

Fernaceman

I have been there as well...It definitely seems like progress to me.

I'm sure you feel a heck of a lot better. Secrets build up shame inside of us and for me have been an excuse to get drunk. Kind of crazy the way the thought process went. Well, I can't tell them about relapsing at (x) date, but if I go ahead and drink NOW, I can just tell them about THIS drunk and then that OTHER drunk will be insignificant, phew!

Craziness!

Dee74

now a fresh new leaf can be turned...

good for you Quit

D

quitforme79

Thanks guys And yes purplecatlover, I was thinking today and have been for awhile about how I sick of trying to battle between the two voices inside my head. The vicious cycle has never been a good thing. I've been feeling pretty lonely and you guys have helped me with that A LOT!

Purplecatlover

And keep praying! I begged, pleaded, prayed & wondered if anybody was listening. When He finally did answer I knew beyond a doubt, He was there all along.

quitforme79

So true fernace....I really am glad I didn't keep it s secret. I will purplecatlover, did it tonight a few times and will pray again in the morning

isinganyway

Resilience is my higher power. Don't get hung up on the god thing.

Sapling

It's all about honesty Quit...The truth shall set you free...As far as finding that Higher Power goes...That's what those steps are for.

Natom

QFM, I bet that took a weight off your shoulders. Being honest is the key here, the only person you would be lying to is yourself. Regarding the higher power, don't force yourself to look to hard for it because you will most likely find out that it will find you, or that it's already been around a while and you just never noticed.

Elisabeth888

It is amazing how much better we feel when we are honest, especially about our sobriety because we really can't be honest about other things when we lie and say we are sober or don't mention that we are drinking or have drunk.

Picking up a white chip sucks, but there is no other way to get relief. Or help from others for that matter.

I get freaked out about picking up 30,60,90 because I have done it so much. I don't know why I want to hide the progress. My sponsor advises me to pick up ALL chips.