FreedomPlease

Hello, this is my first time on this forum and I hope to find a good support line through which I can recover from my personal addiction. I'm generally a nice guy that's pretty knowledgeable along a wide amount of subjects (many of those being drugs unfortunately). To put it simply, I'm addicted to being crazy with an unusual but not unheard of drug of choice. Dextromethorphan (DXM) is what I've abused over the last...nearly a year now, how time seems to fly. I know I have a problem, and yet I find it difficult to control my cravings through just the use of willpower (a fate I'm sure many of you know).

A little history of use is in order. I started taking DXM last year and thought it was the greatest thing I've ever come across...and immediately knew I was hooked despite my efforts to stay sober to try and not become addicted. Over the next few months I ended up taking DXM 1-2x a week on what is considered ~an upper plateau (A lot of DXM)~ with varying results. As months passed, despite all my perceived good effects, I was slowly becoming more and more addicted.

So I was able to stop for a month...only to get back on it....only to stop for a month again and so on until I got way out of control and took a large amount around the people I knew. Needless to say I received an intervention that night and was sober for 2 months, until recently when a series of terrible events led me back towards this drug in a low plateau one night stand. Needless to say I was caught, and here I am today.

My questions to the community whom have experience is:

What do you do to not think about your drug?

What do you do to relieve stress?

(Specifically for ex DXM-users)- How do you control and recognize cravings in time to stop yourself from caving into dissociation?

I've been able to handle other substances before without any problem of addiction, but this is far different for me, any help would be appreciated and pleased to meet you everyone! *Fingers Crossed* :-)

Dee74

Hi FreedomPlease

good to have you here.


I thought about my drug - alcohol - for a long time..but I focused on responding to those thoughts in a different way.

I used to think 'I want to get drunk/high' and that was it - game over.

I had to learn there were different choices to be made - and a little discomfort was not only bearable but it was transitory too

a technique called urge surfing helped me:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

I do a lot of things - exercise, watching funny movies, breathing exercises, playing music or listening to it...

none of those are as immediate as getting high - but they are as effective and they are way more healthy

I've never done DXM - although I have seen threads in our substance abuse forum - but I hope my links on urge surfing might help?

welcome to SR

D

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm so glad you joined and are seeking support.

It sounds like you're able to stop using the drug for short periods of time, but you go back to it. I would ask you what changes you made in your life, besides stopping the drug? I know for me, stopping alcohol was only the beginning. I had to do some serious soul-searching and made a lot of changes in my life, including places & people, in order to stay sober.

I stopped thinking about alcohol after about a couple of months, mostly as a result of the changes I was making in my life.

For stress, I walk, a lot, every day. I also do yoga and meditate.

I hope you continue to read and post.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, FreedomPlease. As you can see from Dee and Anna's great answers - this is a most helpful and hopeful place. I know your anxiety will be relieved by being part of it. Congratulations on your decision to break free of that habit and have a better life.

artsoul

Welcome FreedomPlease -

I came here when I found I couldn't quit (drinking) on my own. Just reading what others had been through (and how glad they were to get sober) helped me combat the cravings.

Also, "playing the tape through to the end" (where one drink/drug will lead) helped me a lot.

Glad you're here with us!

pipparina

Welcome to SR
There are great people on here and lots of wisdom. I don't have any experience with that drug, but for me, I either tried to think through what a drink would lead to (more drinks, destruction, hell) or I would occupy myself with something else until the urge passed. Evenutaully the urges came less often and were easier to fight.
Keep posting here too. It helps

Impurrfect

((FreedomPlease)) - Welcome to SR!! When I first began recovery, every time a using thought would come up, I would tell myself "not an option..next" with "next" being a cue to distract myself. In time, I would be distracted without realizing I'd even thought of drugs.

I also spent a lot of time on here, realized that regardless of what people drink/use, there are a lot of similarities..it's helped a lot.


Hugs and prayers,

Amy

FreedomPlease

I wasn't expecting such quick replies! Thanks everyone and I'll follow some of your advice. My problem isn't really quitting and letting physical and emotional symptoms of withdrawal subside for the first 2 weeks, but finding it hard to just become my old self again as well as dealing with huge inevitable issues that arise without it because drinking a bottle of cough syrup is just how I dealt with them in the past. I've recently put up reminders in my room of what I will lose if I even touch the stuff again. (I read that in another post about DXM and thought it was a neat idea that would help).

First day of soberness is always great, but we'll see how I do in a month or two. I look forward to meeting you all.

least

Welcome to the family!

FreedomPlease

Thanks for the replies everyone. I must say, that this time around I need things to be different. I may not be able to find support through family, but I know when I have a dependency problem. I think I need to elaborate on that last question as well.

Think of dissociation like auto-pilot. You're there, but something else is controlling you to where you have all the correct answers to whatever is needed at the cost of your brain, body, and family. If there's ever a problem, someone else in your body would take care of it. Strange and messed up, and anyone who has done DXM for an extended time knows what I mean by this. Recently I didn't have an answer to a question, and it may have cost me a lot, to which I turned to another part of me that did...in a desperate attempt to find the right answer when it was way too late.

Btw, 2 days and counting thank you for the welcome everyone. :-D I may use this post as a journal of my thoughts.

renaldo

Damn. It only occurs to me once in a blue moon, but now with mention of it I want to go out and get some cough syrup.

Dee74

At the risk of being obvious, that would be a really dumb idea Renaldo.

D

FreedomPlease

That would be a very bad idea that leads down a dangerous road Renaldo. Take it from one who is an addict. This is dangerous stuff that has possibly messed me up in the brain. It changes your brain with one use and every time its used. Just to further deter you, it usually starts and ends with puking, most people hate it, it's HIGHLY looked down upon by all but DXM abusers, and the possibility of a long-stemming psychological addiction is there (this is coming from a guy who was able to control his use of anything...but is unable to combat this without a lot of support). I was addicted after my first use as well...

Good luck and I hope you stay sober. : )

FreedomPlease

Today I ran into the song "Cough Syrup" by Young the Giant and with much difficulty, I found myself able to change the radio station in order to prevent that nostalgia from hitting me. I've learned a lot about triggers on this site and have been taking steps to cut triggers out of my life. ^_^

FreedomPlease

Hey there everyone! It's been a rough week and a half all things considered. I've recently gotten over a case of food poisoning that completely crippled me a good 4 days as well as a large amount of work to get back to that I missed. During that time, I've remained clean despite what everyone else believes.

To relate the story of food poisoning, it happened on a Thursday night that I came down with the terrible toilet-binding illness. At 3 a.m my condition was so terrible that I managed to crawl into the bedroom of my parents to ask them to take me to the hospital, and was proceeded to be interrogated outside a bathroom door for an hour before finally being taken to a hospital. As the doctor's proceeded to understand my state, not even they could convince my parents otherwise that I was under the influence of something and was told how I was going to be kicked out on the streets once this whole ordeal was over. Well apparently the doctors heard and tested my blood, only to find a whole load of nothing in it a little later on. After about a day I was released even though I was still sick and the attitude of my loved ones changed from pissed off to scared. So I got better but still felt like crap, and that feeling raised suspicion that I was on something....in fact everything seems to. Little things like putting my hands in my pockets are enough to set off alarm. I almost feel like a prisoner...and the hypocrisy runs deep. On Sunday my mother got completely smashed on something that I will assume is alcohol but I'm not too sure at 12:00 noon. I honestly do not care if she has a few drinks, but this was bad, it was as bad as I was when I went in front of my family on more DXM than I had ever been on...if it happens again I need a way to confront effectively against someone who guilt-trips whenever someone confronts them. I also have a brother who is addicted to marijuana whom I don't have the heart to tell either as he smokes at least once a day.

So my question for the SoberRecovery community today is: How do I change the mindset of the people around me from looking for any excuse that I'm on something?
How do I confront someone close who has a problem, when I myself have had a problem in the past, and more specifically, the argument that what they do is alright because what I did was far worse?

Group hug for returns!:ghug3 Thanks for reading.

Dee74

I think only time can fix that - time and doing the right thing.

I ended up the neighbourhood drunk - coming back from that and rebuilding my reputation was a bit of a journey, but I did it.

You can't set a timetable on when others trust and respect you again tho - it takes what it takes. If you worry about it you'll go mad.

Just focus on doing what you know is right for you - everything else will fall into place behind that.


You can tell people how concerned you are - but you'd know from your own experience, noone is going to stop until they accept they have a problem, and they decide for themselves they want to stop.

D

FreedomPlease

You can tell people how concerned you are - but you'd know from your own experience, noone is going to stop until they accept they have a problem, and they decide for themselves they want to stop.

D[/QUOTE]

I'm back everyone. Much love all around. I can feel my brain re-adjusting to sober life. As to what you said about talking to a person who has a problem, he did accept his problem. I think I managed to talk him into quitting after he had so many close calls of being caught and embarrassed. He's a smart guy, and his weed gave him the motivation to go out and do what he wants to do, at the same time crippling his bank, not being able to get a girlfriend, and developing terrible habits (I've had to take his weed pipe from him while he was doing certain activities that he shouldn't be under the influence of him). He knew he had to stop less he lose his money, time, and life.

In other news, I'm 1 and a half months sober. : ) The hospital I work at had me dispose of free samples of Zolpidem, and while it crossed my mind to take some, I managed to resist the urge. It's tough right now, but I can think properly again, my thoughts are articulated better, and overall I feel as if I can talk to people more. However, the urge to do is stronger than ever for some reason.

It's strange really, I had a vision while under the influence in May of my intervention while under the influence that I took no heed of. I saw exactly what would happen if I didn't quit. Then I saw further consequences if I continued, eventually involving a heart attack at my place of work (which I wasn't working at at the time). Scary stuff, and honestly, that's what keeps me off the most. The divination of those moments scare the hell out of me in their detail, and once one moment came to exact realization (I thought it was a hallucination at first), I've had great inner turmoil on whether to continue or not afterwards, but I'm always reminded of that event. This is what truly keeps me off, and I'm glad it happened.

Finals are done and I have 40 hour work week again. 4 As, and a C isn't bad I'd say. Especially considering that C is in accounting and I'm the WORST accountant in the world. Again sorry for the long pauses between replies, I've been very busy. A in E