why do some people recover and some die???
 

My question is this i am in recovery i want recovery i cant live with drink, but my dad on the other hand he is dying a slow paiful death and has never tried to quit!

Why do some of us do stop and some of us dont/wont/cant??

I wish I knew the answer to that, as if I did my wife may still be alive. I'm really sorry about your dad.

Hard question to answer. Maybe some can't get of it, so chronic that they will die for it. I have a neighbour who died last week age 55 with liver failure. she was drinking solid for 30 years and never tried to get help or quit.

I think you have answered your own question, "i am in recovery i want recovery i cant live with drink" Until you can honestly say these things I do not believe you can recover

My dad died of numerous ailments that all related back to drinking and smoking. Even after surgeries for his veins and numerous hospitalization s he drank. I lived out of state during the last few years when he was really bad, and he always managed to try to be present when I was visiting with the kids but it didn't work. I grew up watching him drink, usually the life of the party, then it turned to financial stresses causing him to drink during the day, and at work. He eventually went out on retirement disability. He was depressed and lonely the last few years. It was very difficult for my mom to watch every day, but nothing seemed to get through to him. He was a great dad to me, and was always so proud of me during college, and as I began to advance in my career and have chi,seen, however, I was one if few he reserved this praise for.

I still love and miss him every day. I also know I do not want my kids to remember me that way.

I am sorry about your dad.

I can only speak for myself,I wantedto stay sober more than I wanted to drink.

A simple choice for me.

My Mother was an Alcoholic and died at an early age,she developed a wet brain.

Many times I tried to persuade her to try sobriety,she didnt want it.

Today I accept I am powerless over what other people choose to do.

Glad your choice lionhearted is to live sober.

I could have easily gone either way lionhearted...

I can't speak for others but I really didn't believe anything 'bad' would happen to me - even tho looking back it already had...I'm aghast now at what I convinced myself was ok then.

And those times when reality did break through, usually in the early hours of the morning, it would frighten me so much the only thing I knew was to drink more...

I nearly died. I'm glad I had something bad enough happen to me to break my denial and yet not bad enough to kill me.

D

Hey Lion,

I feel your bewilderment. I am 30, and making the decision for myself to recover and live. My dad is 56, drank his whole life, and deteriorating at a rapid pace. The doctors told him years ago that he had to stop drinking or his liver would fail. That has not stopped him. I choose not to be him. I can't, no one can explain why some can make that choice and some can't. I am thankful that I am here, and alive, and relatively healthy while getting healthier every day. I wish my dad could choose the same for them, but as you may well know, only that person can make that choice. I don't know how many times a partner or my mom has tried to ask me to stop... I only stopped when I looked in the mirror and stopped making excuses and realized I owed it to myself to make a change.

+1.

those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not surrender.

I could have gone either way. It's rare for a day to go by that I don't smile in gratitude for the fact that I made it. It was the hardest, scariest thing I have ever done. And, I know that I am alive today because there is a purpose for me being here.

We can talk about surrender, we can talk about taking responsibility, we can talk about acceptance, but the main thing we each of us must overcome in order to quit our addiction is the most primal of all sensations, fear. We are afraid. If we can't overcome this fear, we cannot ever become sober.

How can we learn to overcome this fear? My belief is that we can overcome this fear by learning how to believe in ourselves. This is where the courage to overcome the fear comes from, from the faith that we will overcome our addiction. We do this because we can.

Totally agree. Most of us are so filled full of fear. The first step is deciding that the fear of change is more desirable than staying the same. IMO this comes before anything else

"..those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not surrender. "

l would rather say ".. who will not or cannot do something about it.."

I've never surrendered anything, I decided I liked being sober much better than being drunk and feeling sick. I'm as recovering as anyone else.

I do believe that there are different degrees of alcohol abuse and it can be a quick jump from social drinking and just overdoing it to needing to drink to function. I never want to go back to that spot....it was a very harsh look at the reality of the progression of this addiction. ( i can't say i have a *disease*, it's plain old addiction for me)

I related quitting drinking to quitting smoking. Both make me very sick and aren't good for my body. I don't want to be sick, i want to be healthy and enjoy my life...so far I am winning and thrilled with sobriety.

I saw myself losing it all, and that was that. I am so glad I didn't lose it. Also I am so scared of doctors. I would never go to one. So I quit to preserve my health too. Keep the odds of needing a needle to a min! Lol but really, I know plenty who will probably never quit, and I am sad for them. Most are homeless and not well. Very heart breaking.

Well, this is the $64,000 question, isn't it?

I have watched a lot of people die from their addictions. People who've supposedly done everything "right" as well as people who have never even attempted to quit. I do not know why this is. All I know is that my own commitment is forever.

I agree :)