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mewantsober 11-05-2012 06:52 AM

Trying to recover...
 
Good morning everyone,

About 3 years ago I landed a job where I worked from home. I always manage to get my work done despite my daily heavy drinking, which unfortunately let me keep my job and continue to abuse.

About 6 months ago my wife started catching me drink during the day. The repeated embarrassment was a reality check for me. That combined with some possible symptoms made me realize I needed to change:

- Possible jaundice (it's strange, but I only seem to notice the yellow tint on my forearms, but I know they haven't always looked that way)
- Spider veins (I've started to notice red marks on my shoulders and face. It's somewhat subtle so I doubt anyone would think twice when looking at me, but I know it's there and it seems to be come more visible each week)
-Liver pain (this doesn't actually hurt, but I can feel my liver throughout the day. It seems to "bubble" every once in a while and it can be tender to the touch)

I quit cold turkey 3 months ago. I'm eating quite healthy and avoiding sugary/greasy foots. Alcohol isn't even on my mind. I haven't had even the slightest urge to have a beer because all I can think about now is my wife and 2 year old daughter and how I want to be here for them. I'm scared though. It's been 3 months and I think if anything my symptoms have persisted or in some cases got worse (the spider veins).

I'm scared silly to go to the doctor because my wife doesn't keep secrets from her family and I know nobody will ever look at me the same again if my problems became public. I really wanted to do this on my own and get healthy and move on with life, but with each passing day i'm not seeing improvement and I don't know if I can hold out much longer.

Has anyone else noticed persisting symptoms after months of being sober? From what i've read the liver can fully regenerate itself 2-6 months after you've abstained from alcohol. Being past the halfway point and seeing no signs of improvement is so discouraging. I can't keep my mind off it. It's all I think about, and ironically my work life is becoming heavily affected by it moreso that my alcohol abuse....

Thanks for taking the time to read about my problems.

MrsKing 11-05-2012 06:56 AM

mewantsober, welcome to SR and congratulations for your sober three months. That's fantastic - good for you.

I know this is not what you want to hear but the only good advice I can give you is to seek medical advice as soon as possible. It is the only way you will find out what is causing your symptoms.

Don't worry about whether people will look at you the same again. It doesn't matter what they think. What matters is your health. Please, please go to the Dr.

Wishing you all the best.

doggonecarl 11-05-2012 06:57 AM

Those are medical questions that we can't answer. Only a doctor can.

As for your fear of going to a doctor, why should your health be a secret from her family? This may be totally unrelated to your drinking. You won't know until you seek a medical option.

Don't let the opinions of others override common sense.

Oh yeah, and welcome to Sober Recovery!

MidnightBlue 11-05-2012 07:11 AM

Hi, Mewantsober. Welcome to SR!

Your health comes first. The sooner you seek professional medical assistance, the better. Try to distract yourself from the thoughts "what other people would think about me". Focus on your health, you'll take care about other issues later. One problem at a time.

My best wishes to you.

elderine 11-05-2012 07:41 AM

Hi Mewantsober. Seems like a doctor would be the way to go. I can say, though, that I definitely have had increasing trouble with spider veins on my face as my drinking has escalated. It's depressing. I've read that the only thing that works to remove those is laser treatment - I'm going to try that soon and will post about whether it works for me.

And I absolutely understand the challenges of working at home. Once I left my full-time desk job, my drinking skyrocketed.

Hollyanne 11-05-2012 08:23 AM

You need to go to a doctor.
You can blame your chatterbox in laws, but you are responsible for your health.
You have a little daughter so she needs her dad around.
It could just be gall stones!
A little visit to your friendly doctor is all you need.
Go to the doctor.
Stop worrying.
Well done on quitting.
Go to the doctor.
:sick:

Anna 11-05-2012 08:44 AM


Originally Posted by mewantsober (Post 3657225)
I'm scared silly to go to the doctor because my wife doesn't keep secrets from her family and I know nobody will ever look at me the same again if my problems became public.

This comment raises a red flag for me. If my husband ever spoke about my alcoholism with family members, I would not be in this marriage. This has nothing to do with secrets, but a deep respect that should be present between two people in a commited relationship.

I strongly suggest you go to your dr and talk to him/her about your concerns. It sounds like the anxiety you're feeling about your health issues, is causing you a lot of distress. Find out what's happening and then you can begin to deal with things. I know it's hard to do, but it will help.

Dee74 11-05-2012 12:33 PM

Hi mewantsober

I'm another vote for seeing the Dr...get your health problem sorted...and communicate to your wife that you wish to keep this private and not discussed with her family.

I think thats a reasonable request. As human beings we have a right to privacy - even husbands and wives :)

D
D

Maylie 11-05-2012 12:42 PM

Congrats on 3 months sober but please go to a doctor. Something serious can be wrong and with certain conditions the more time that passes the worse the condition gets. You said all you think about is your wife and your young child, well please think of your young child and how badly your child needs you around. Ignoring health problems can be extremely risky, you fought to beat your addiction, don't let this keep going.

If you are worried about your wife finding out and spreading information around the family, is there anyway you can just go to the doctor without advertising it or maybe go to the doctor just "because you don't feel well" and then talk to your doctor privately in the office about what your concerns are. This might not even have to do with your drinking and the anxiety and risk of the condition worsening is not worth putting off getting it checked out.

I hope that you decide to go to the doctor and get everything checked out. Have you thought about talking to your wife about how you feel about her telling her family members things that you are not comfortable with? I strongly believe that there are certain things that shouldn't be discussed with the family unles the person decides to share.

Good luck and stay strong,

Maylie

hypochondriac 11-05-2012 12:47 PM


Originally Posted by mewantsober (Post 3657225)
I'm scared silly to go to the doctor because my wife doesn't keep secrets from her family and I know nobody will ever look at me the same again if my problems became public. I really wanted to do this on my own and get healthy and move on with life, but with each passing day i'm not seeing improvement and I don't know if I can hold out much longer.

Welcome to SR Mewantsober :)

So, what are you holding out for?

I can totally relate to where you are... I had lot's of health anxiety when I was drinking. I still do a bit, but I remind myself what a positive impact not drinking and smoking must be having on my life and then try not to worry about it. Easier said than done I know, but whatever damage you may have done can only get better now that you are not drinking.

Btw, you have done this on your own. 3 months not drinking without support is a massive achievement. Now you just have to do whatever is necessary to keep it that way.

Personally I think you'll go nuts if you don't go to your docs and get a blood test done for that liver. I was absolutely convinced that I had liver damage and it took a few tests to convince me otherwise. I sincerely hope that all your health anxiety is in your head too ;)

And please stick around SR. I hate to think of people out there with no support. This place is great for support. Glad you're here x

mewantsober 11-20-2012 03:06 PM

I'm sorry I meant to follow up on my post long ago, but I did finally go to the doctor. They took my bloodwork and everything checked out fine so they said there is no need for further testing. That was over a week ago. Since then my liver pain continues in the lower right side and the spider nevi on my face and upper arms continues to become slightly more noticeable each day.

I'm not satisfied with my bloodwork so i'm planning to go back, but I was wondering if anyone else here has experience with this. My doctor thinks that the liver pain I feel is due to changes in my liver structure since I quit. Has anyone else here fully recovered from liver damage and continued to have trouble shaking the symptoms of liver disease(4 months later in my case)?

Don't get me wrong, it was a huge relief to see that the blood work showed that i'm stable, but i'm quite afraid that there is damage that their tests didn't show. Something just isn't right yet.

Thanks again.

Rosiepetal 11-20-2012 03:14 PM

Welcome to SR & congrats on 3 months & making a healthy choice for you & your family.

Delilah1 11-20-2012 08:43 PM

Congrats on three mo this, and I am glad you went to the doctor, and that everything looks good.

I agree with Anna about your alcoholism being private. My husband sees my daily triumphs and struggles, and probably deals with more cranky moods than anyone else, but it is up to me to share my decision to stop drinking and I would be very upset if he were discussing it with anyone.


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