Lionhearted1

Iam hungover again. I have been on and off sober since march,longest run was 3 months then scattered sobriety 1 month here 6 weeks there! But I always end back in this ground hog day place hungover depressed and bloated! And the worst thing about this is I am starting to give up the notion I can be one of you and be recovered maybe I just dont want too. I am sick of the internal conflict iam so bored of it!! My mind always always takes me back to the first drink and I love being drunk in my own little world where everything feels perfect even if it's just for a few ours!!!

I tried aa like it sometimes hatted it other times, tried avrt liked it but always end up drunk no matter what!!

What am I missing???????

Jen31

Sounds like you're worried about missing your best friend.... alcohol. Are there any hobbies you once loved doing, that maybe you could start up again? Maybe all you need is to find a new habit... a good one
Congratulations on your journey being sober in the past. Why not start again today? Would love to see a "Day 2" from you tomorrow

sugarbear1

First, we decide if we want Ground Hog's Day every day or if we want to change things up and start living.

If you are willing to give up Ground Hog's Day, then you make that decision and then commit to that decision.

Not easy. Doable, just not easy.

Hugs,

MidnightBlue

Hi, Lionhearted.

Sounds to me that you are missing badly faith in yourself. If you do not believe that you can change anything, then it is easy to surrender to this freaking "perfect" world of alcohol, which is not yours. It is the world of fear and desperation.

Can you see a counselor? It won't hurt to get some professional help to cope with this.

Anyway, this "perfect" world is illusion, and you are real. There is nothing perfect in this life. Since you are real, you can change this.

Take care and keep posting.

Auvers

You asked what you are missing. It's whatever could be happening in your life if you weren't drunk or hungover, including better health, better finances, more peace, self respect, joy in the moment, better relationships. You have to get sober and stay that way a good while before you get what it is you are missing.

omegasupreme

I've hated AA sober and drunk. Turns out it really doesn't matter what I want or like...the bottom line is those 12 steps, that path God, is the only thing that's ever worked for me. So that's what I do. I wanted other things to work, like therapy, treatment, etc...but they didn't. Eventually my belligerent denial broke and I was surrendered to a new way of life and given a new way of thinking far beyond my comprehension.

You can have some too buddy! Some great AA in London.

artsoul

Are you working at your recovery daily? I found that when I got sober, the denial and the mental obsession didn't just go away. It took a lot of focus and effort to keep those old thoughts from gaining control again.

Like you, I remember thinking I might not ever be able to get sober. As alcoholics/addicts, we decide that we are unique, we are different from others, and that need our drug of choice in order to function and truly be happy. It's just not true.

Our addiction would like nothing better than a life alone with the bottle, so it comes up with all kinds of reasons/fears we can't break the cycle. It's hard to break those thought patterns, for sure, which is why it takes a lot of effort and why we need a lot of support.

Delilah1

Great thought for all of us to keep in mind, thanks for sharing that.

Delilah1

I think all of us have had do overs on this site. I really like Auver's post and think it is good for all of us to remember those things. I am on Day 23 after too many Day ones. I knew I had to take things seriously this time. I am working with a counselor, reading tins, on here daily and will start attending Women for Sobriety meetings after I finish an education series through my Insurance.

It isn't easy, but you can do it! Looking forward to seeing you here tomorrow for day two.bye bye Groundhog's Day!!

Dee74

I found what I was missing for me was the idea that I couldn't drink - no matter what.

I knew drinking was bad for me, and that I badly wanted to stop...but I was afraid of the changes I knew I'd have to make in my life, so I kept drinking...sometimes trying to cut down, sometimes going all out, sometimes drinking for reasons, other times just 'cause...

Nothing ever got better- only worse...and in the end I crashed really badly....and I finally made those changes I was scared to make for so many years.

Lionhearted, I know there's a part of you that wants to quit or you wouldn't be here...

fan that little ember. Work hard at it.

People who drink like us have a choice in the end I think ..

we can stop now, or crash and burn and then stop...if you make it through the crash - and, sadly some don't.

It really is that important, and that high stakes.

It's way better to stop now

D

Change4good

Wise words. Thanks.

Cormat

I think you are missing the fact that this is a daily recovery programme. Forget about 'runs' and stuff. The only period of time that matters is that since you woke up this morning.

Thats what has worked for me. I get up and tell myself that I am not going to pick up that first drink today. Maybe tomorrow I will but for the next 24 hours then I aint. Nothing more, nothing less. And I try to get to a meeting or speak to somebody on the phone. If I am struggling I switch it to just an hour. Promise myself for an hour. And if thats a struggle then I promise myself just for 10 minutes.

And if that dont work then start again. And again and again. Stiil go to meetings because I was told that if you get your body along to them then eventually your mind will turn up as well. And it does. It really does.

But just for today. Thats it. Nothing else matters.

Lionhearted1

I like this thank you!!!