MidnightBlue

Hi, all.

Today is my Day 20, and during these days I had no cravings at all. Also I felt quite emotionless. I was not in depression, not in a terrible mood, just some kind of indifference. Actually, I even liked this state of mind since it caused less worries to me.

But today emotions are back, I am in a great mood, and at some moment I felt like all that’s missing is a glass of wine. My imagination did no procrastinate to generate tempting pictures, and I almost felt astringent flavor of my favorite wine. And if there was some wine around, chances are I wouldn’t resist temptation. Surely, one glass wouldn’t hurt, but we all know how the story ends.

So, I told my imagination to go and generate something more useful. Made myself some tea. Wine and emotions are interconnected in me. I probably need an emotional surgery to separate them from each other.

Maybe, it is just because today is my day-off from gym?

Anyway, my sobriety goes on.

My best wishes to all SR and have a great sober Saturday!

Anna

It could be that, or it could be just the fact that you are beginning to learn to deal with life's ups and downs without alcohol in the picture.

Gladiolus

That's well said Anna, thank you

zanzibar

If I understand correctly you have a long weekend this weekend due to unity day. If this is right then have a good holiday. I'm really glad that you understand the consequenses that glass of wine could represent. I agree with Anna, welcome back to the ups and downs of life.

MidnightBlue

Anna, thank you, you found the right words.

Zanzibar. Yes, you understand correctly. We have a long weekend. Thanks. I would only correct a little bit your phrase, if you don't mind: 'Welcome to to the ups and downs of life without wine")).

Anna

I was a wine-drinker too, and I really believed that the only time I could feel emotions was when I had a glass of wine with me. What I didn't realize until I had some perspective, was that the emotions were usually a bit 'off' - too much anger, too melodramatic, fixating on something I wouldn't normally care about.

Have a wonderful long weekend!

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Anna. You are so right about melodramatic emotions. When I am sober I do not experience them.

KitKat7575

You have hit the nail on the head. I feel strangely calm because I no longer have melodrama (created by myself) in my life.
Well done for 20 days MidnightBlue. I'm day 26 and am also just coming out of the emotional abyss and entering the shocking world of dealing with life and emotions without wine. Which is ok at the moment....
Hope the rest of your day has been good.
And for all of you xx

MidnightBlue

Hi, KitKat.

Well said about melodrama created by ourselves. And congrats on Day 26!

The rest of the day has been just fine and productive. Thanks SR for support!

Have a good day)

KitKat7575

Thank you for congrats MB
I've spent so long drunk and living in my own head, or Facebooking. Not partaking in 'real life' at all. Only to deal with my daughter. Who I'm ashamed to say was a source of great irritation because her presence made me aware of my drinking and behaviour. Although evidently not enough to make me stop, as she is now be 7.....
Now when I'm anxious, frightened, scared, worried, feeling weird.....I bloody well have to deal with it !! And when I deal with these things, I can't even have a glug to celebrate!! Aaaaaargh.
Did you live in your head or am I going bonkers??x

MidnightBlue

You are not going bonkers, KitKat))))

I've been living in my head since childhood, though it was not obvious to other people.

I am also scared about many things and still have no idea how to cope with them without going crazy, but I am not going to show this to my addictive voice. I am in charge of my life, not this nasty creature.

Start to beat your anxiety with small things, but every day. It helps.

jobei

Wonderful post...! Your words ring true in my head. I will sometimes find myself thinking that things are going well and I'm feeling good... what's missing? These thoughts come at the most random times. My mind would wander down that path you spoke of... and yes we know what's at the end. My method has been to immediately change what I'm doing at that moment and focus on something else. Also remembering how violently ill I was helps too... also coming on here in those times and reading posts like yours. It's an inspiration and thank you!

freshstart57

Becoming mindful, as you are obviously doing, also works, and doesn't leave those nasty scars.

Dee74

have a great sober weekend MidnightBlue

D

MidnightBlue

Jobei, thank you for your words) To change focus is a good idea.

Freshstart, I agree. Besides, giving it a second thought, I think that role of wine in emotions is quite overestimated.

Dee, thanks)

P.S. It's early morning now, and I'm still in a great mood.