A vow to myself
 

Hello,
So, I would like to tell you a lil about myself. My name is Harold, I’ll be 32 in January. I’m (happily) single with no children. My only family still living is my father, who has been homeless for the past several years. I have spent many holidays by myself, but never felt sad or sorry for myself due to growing up as an only child, no grandparents after I turned 8, and my closest relatives after my mother passed when I was 14 were 3rd cousins living three thousand miles away.
I had a few friends in high school, but still text them weekly even after all these years. Strangely, I get along great with people, and have been told multiple times that I’m a people person, if I didn’t have a moderate speech impediment; I truly believe I could have become a great stand-up comedian. However, I do enjoy my personal time and space alone. Maybe even more strange is that I never drank until I was 24. After losing my house to a hurricane, I joined the Army. I got stationed in Hawaii and met some great people that I still talk to weekly.
I had a LOT of fun in Hawaii, went to the beach every other day, surfed, went out clubbing and to the bars with my friends at night. I was living the dream and I was never happier in life. My friends and I drank, a LOT. We deployed to The Middle East for 15 months, and other then 2 weeks when I was on vacation, I did not have a single slip of booze. Back on the island, almost every Friday I blacked out along with one of my other friends. We always had a DD and no one ever once got in any trouble for the 18 months that I was stationed there. I was running 20-30 miles a week, I was doing 70+ pushups in 2 minutes and also 80+ sit-ups in another 2 minutes and I was able to do that with heavy binge drinking. This continued for the last 12 months of my time in paradise. Sadly, I developed severe shin splits in both legs and could not run more than 3 miles at a time. The pain was so bad, and also because I didn’t want anything to go on my permanent physical medical profile, that I started drinking at 5 am for our 6:30 4 mile run. Advil, warm/cold treatments or anything else was not doing the trick for my legs.
Then my contract expired, I moved back to Florida and my drinking resumed with some new friends in the national guard that I was working with, but my running didn’t. 4 years and 40 pounds later, I have become very shy around people. Shy really isn’t the word though, it’s more like anxiety. I have been attending college for the last 3 years and it’s hard for me to be around people. I prefer to stay in my room, my grades have plummeted from a combination of a very very bad break up with my ex gf, my drinking, and my anxiety. I can’t even focus on what any of my professors are attempting to teach the classes.
I went to the Army recruiter today. I came away with the info of what I need to do to get back in Active Duty (full time): lose 25 pounds and complete a 2 mile run in 16 minutes. A far cry from when I was 180 lbs benching 230 and could easily run a 10k.
I want to drink so badly, just one drink. But thanks to this website, which I have set as my homepage and will probably at least browse a bit each and every day, and my desire to get my life back, I am not going to drink until I can do ALL of the following:
A) I’m stationed somewhere as a soldier.
B) I can easily run 5 miles.
C) I lose 30 pounds.
Until then, I vow to get up at 6 A.M. each weekday and exercise. I will improve myself mentally and physically. Instead of booze, I will drink water. I will stay sober.

Thank you for reading =)

You can do this! I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how quickly your body remembers and responds. Sounds like a good plan. I just hope you do not go back to drinking after meeting your goal. Drinking certainly is not a reward or some pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Instead it is pretty much a quick rewind button to get you right back where you are right today....or much worse. I think you have admirable goals. However, in my case, learning to live sober for the rest of my life had to trump everything and is a prerequisite to me maintaining any progress.
Best of luck to you.

Great post, Buickbest.

My best wishes to you!

Just noticed that I wrote BuickBEST instead of BuickBeast))

But "there is no such thing as an 'accidental' slip-of-the-tongue", isn't it?

welcome to SR Buickbeast :)
I know you'll find loads of support & encouragement here - best wishes on your goal :)

D

Sorry, I meant to include this quote in my first response. It was the part that concerned me a little.

Thanks everyone, I'll update this when I can. I'm goin do some P90X after class today, so I'm sure I'm goin pass out from physical exhaustion tonight haha. I have an out of town baby shower to attend on Sunday which means poker with some friends on Saturday, which in the past always had a good amount of booze. But I need to walk around after the game to get some exercise in, so that'll be my first big test. Besides I wanna win some money haha. Have a good weekend everyone =)

*update*
Well, I caved in over the weekend and had a few drinks. On the bright side, it was only a third of what I used to drink when I was over at my friends house. Haven't had a drink since Sunday and really been hitting the gym hard the last two days. I'm sore, but it's a good sore =)
Went to the Navy recruiter today and he said they aren't recruiting for active duty, but I can't go leave till January because of college anyways. I'm positive I can get back into the Army, but I'm not sure if my legs will be able to hold up with all the running. Either way, if I find myself back in the service by February, I will feel blessed and happy =)
If anyone that was a Navy or Army recruiter is reading this, would you mind leaving a message so I can pick your brain? Feel free to PM if you would like also.
=)

Are you looking for support so as not to cave again BB - something like AA or another group (SMART, Rational Recovery) - or are you just looking at willpower?

D

I believe just willpower =)

How's your plan going Buickbeast?

Just a quick update :D
This Saturday will mark the first time I've gone 30 days straight totally sober. I could not have done it without people, like you, taking the time to...just care. I just wanted to say thanks =)
I'm back to running two miles again, I have a history with shin splits, so I'm staying on the cautious side with that. I'm lifting again, doing push ups, just staying active.
My mind and body have become flooded with a plethora of feelings.
Around 90% of them are positive, which is the opposite of when I was just trying to numb myself from the world with alcohol.
It's like a fog has been lifted from me, or I've been taken out of a dark cloud that enveloped my senses.
I'm noticing the small things in life again. A delightful smell, a low noise that would have escaped previously escaped me.
I can think quicker, sharper and deeper now. I have more energy. I'm faster, stronger and quicker.
I feel happiness from the moment I wake up to the second I fall asleep.
I am sober
Thank you

way to go on your 30 BB :D

D

Congrats, bro. Keep it up

Wow!
Almost an entire year and a half since my last post =o

Hopefully everyone has been doing well in their lives!

Last year was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I visited an Army recruiter in 2012 weighing 245 and inquired about re-enlisting. He told me to lose some weight and come back. 9 months pass by and I dropped down to 198 lbs. Unfortunately, I left this office with information that the military was not accepting veterans back into active duty service, bummer :(

I went into depression and just couldn't fight my way out of it. I shot back up to 230 in nearly 3 months.

However, a few notable positives that did happen last year was that I didn't drink for 100 days straight, not once but twice! I still can't believe I did that, the support I got from everyone truly helped as well I remembering that I'm not the only one battling an addiction.
Also, I was a bit scared about me keeping my job after I learned that I wasn't going back into the military. I learned that I am truly blessed with a great person as a boss, I wouldn't know what I would do without him!

Sadly, I've been drinking daily for the past several weeks. I tweaked my knee working out and when I don't work out, I feel like drinking. Still not sure how to combat that. That is definitely my biggest daily obstacle. I made it to day 47 of P90X before my knee incident. Luckily nothing major at all and in fact I'm going to work out shortly after this.

On another note, if anyone is going to Bonnaroo this year and wants to catch some acts, PM me =)