Cleopatra1

hi , ive been here for a short time, but been aware my drinking has been a problem for many years.
i had done 4 days with mega amount of cut down,, on the amount i drink, and was starting to feel real proud and knew that i could, well maybe do this , once and forall.
last night , igot drunk, and i failed miserably, i really made a toal idoit of myself, i kicked my hubby out , and ive been hiding in my bedroom all day, my kids hate me, my hubby for sure does, ive just watched "when a man loves a woman", and its moved me so much, ive been in tears !
im going to lose everything, all that i love and its all my fault.
i hate myself so much, and dont blame others who hate me too, im a failure.
sorry to go on, im just so lonely and scared, could really do with a hug x
cleo xx

Casmasta

*squeezes you tight*

Today is a new day. Your life begins now.
You cannot change what has happened, but you can make a choice to live a better life.
Don't waste one more second on hating yourself.. Be someone you love.
<3

Hevyn

Cleo - maybe this is what was needed to convince you. Picking up at all has become dangerous and unpredictable. I had to stop all together because I never knew where the 'just a few' drinks was going to take me.

Now you'll be even more determined to do this thing. We know you can.

Dee74

Hi Cleo - I'm sorry you've been struggling.

I think things can only really change when we cut out alcohol completely...thats the way it was for me anyway...any amount fo alcohol and I was still in the cycle and things were likely to turn bad anytime.

If you've been drinking for a while, please consider seeing a Dr before you quit.

Are you open to the idea of recovery groups like AA or SMART, Rational Recovery etc?

Come and join the Class of November thread too - you'll find a lot of support there

D

Anna

Hi,

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. But, there is so much hope for you to recover. In my opinion, cutting down never works for alcoholics. I tried it for months and months and just continued to get worse. Stopping cold turkey (with your drs approval) is the way to go. Then your body and your mind and your spirit begin to heal.

Pondlady

You don't have to feel lonely and like a failure because of drinking. Make it the last time. What do you think it would take to stop drinking? If you read this site, you'll find various methods people use to stay sober. Pick one and try it.....what do you have to lose?

Cleopatra1

thank you for being here fo me,,, im really low right now,, im so lonely and have been for many many years,
yes i do know that i need to cut it out totally, ive just been fooling myself i guess.
i hav seen my dr, many times, and she just keeps giving me anti depressants, i have tried 4 times to dtox using mds from her, and it never works, but this time i feel i want to, not just cos i need to.
i was so proud going thru the whole weekend , thats a toughy, but i just feel so alone, my hubby is fab, my kids are fab, so why cant i do this?
i guess i just need to change my whole life , not just certain parts!
what an idiot i am, even my dog doesnt want to be near me !
ive not had an easy trek through life, but im not gonna go into that , i must be just blaming myself, i guess i deserve this is some way.
thanks guys, i will be here for the journey , thank you so much, im so glad i found you all, you ar my only friends right now, thank you xxx

Rosiepetal

We don't hate you, blame you or think you're an idiot.
Were here to help & support you through your journey.
You are not alone.
Keep posting & reading.

Hollyanne

Hang in there Cleopatra.
You can do this. We all understand.
If I were you, I would check out an AA meeting. Forget any ideas you have about it.
AA is simply the most widespread program available. You will get face to face support and lots of solid tips and advice. Would you do that?
It is confidential.
If you meet someone you know, it is because they have the same problem.
Oh, and your family don't hate you, they hate drink.

Cleopatra1

you are so right,, im gonna check out where my next meeting is, and go.
will keep you posted!!
thank you, all above, im now smiling, cos im not alone .
i wish i could cuddle up with my hubby , but he is not liking me at all, i really miss why we fell in love, 19 years ago, seems he doesnt want to be near me for at least 3 years now, it really hurts, but only i can change that i guess.
x cleo xxx

heath480

Sorry you are struggling cleopatra.

Good news that you are going to check out AA.

It is a good idea to call your local AA helpline number.They will tell you where the meetings are and can arrange for you to go with another lady to your first meeting or meet you outside.

Hollyanne

You are soooooooooo not alone!
Your husband is still there.
You have a lot of work to do.
Don't talk, just do!
I don't mean here with us, or at AA, I mean with your family.
Get started. Put down the drink.
Each day, say to yourself, "I will not drink today".
No longer! Just one day. That is how we all did it.
Through your actions, you will gain back all that you feel you are loosing.

Just to get you started,
Remember,
H.A.L.T,
Do not get,
Hungry,
Angry,
Lonely,
Tired.
Really, try that. Are you willing to do this?
It will be the hardest thing you have ever done. It involves changing the way you act, and feel. You must avoid any arguments. The emotions will be all over the place. You will be nuts! Just stay out of arguments.
Let it go. For your sake. Do small things. Laundry, cooking, cleaning. Keep it simple.
Oh, and read here. Try to go to bed early. Easy on the caffeine. Knock yourself out with the sweets!!! Eat whatever you want. This is no time for dieting.

hypochondriac

*Hugs* Cleo x Glad you're here x

Cleopatra1

thanks for my hugs,, really need them , i am going to find my nearsest meeting, i need to, and most importantly,, i want to,
lv cleo xxx

CaiHong

Hi Cleopatra,

I sometimes think things have to get really bad to force us to make a change. You are doing the right thing by seeking out programs.

My best wishes go with you
All the best
CaiHong

Thepatman

50 cents from a guy with a month done.

Don't stress over it. Just don't drink and keep going. When you feel sad, just accept it, it's just a chemical imbalance. When you have a month done everything will be different. And that's all I have to say about that ;-)