It's all to much
 

The debt, the college work, the house work, the children, my husband it's all to much for me to handle right about now.

I'm broken today been strong for 6 weeks with a few ups and down but today I want to hide away from the world I can't stop crying.

I'm angry and in a dark place full of self pitty I am.

I took it out on my daughter 6yrs, my mind was in angry depressed thinking mode and she kept winging, I lost it and started screaming at her. I feel so bad she don't deserve to be treated like that.

I want all the bad to go away

Recovery is a process Dorris....And it's not easy. What are you doing for your recovery?

We can't make the bad go away, but we can learn to make good choices and good decisions. For me, the place to start was to choose to quit the booze. Things got much easier cope with after that.

I think six weeks is something to be very proud of...I couldn't believe I made it that far...I needed a little more to my recovery than just stopping drinking...I went to rehab and was introduced to AA...It changed me...And change is what I needed. It may be something you want to look into....I see no reason for doing this alone.

Dorris, is it possible for you to get some help with the children from a family member or friend so that you can have some time to yourself?

I'm with Anna Dorris - get some help - drinking will make none of that better and will only make it worse.

There's no answers back the way we came.

D

I hope tomorrow is better for you.... I know it's hard, but I had to let a lot of things go in early sobriety and stop putting so much pressure on myself.
Also, have you ever read about PAWS? It helped me feel a little better knowing that those really bad days can also be chemical and would get better with time.

Hang in there - you're worth it.....

Six weeks is a wonderful accomplishment and you've done it with a lot of responsibility on your plate too! Drinking will not make you feel better....what will? Think of something special for yourself and do it :)

Congrats on 6 weeks, that is a big deal!! Remember, you numbed your emotions with booze and now you're not, so they're bound to bubble over once in awhile.
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate so try to cut yourself some slack.

I broke down in tears today too-overwhelmed with responsibilities,finances,etc. so I can totally relate. I can pretty much say that tomorrow will be better, barring any disasters lol I hope the same for you.

Kids are resilient. Give your daughter a special treat to make up for being angry today and reassure her that you were just having a grumpy day and it wasn't her fault. I think it's good for children to see adults express emotions and explain feelings. So many try to hide them from kids and then wonder why the kids don't express themselves or handle feelings better later in life.

Six weeks is great, you have twice as much sober time as me right now! Juggling life is definitely not easy, especially when you are in recovery. I agree with Freefall and Anna.

Tell her tomorrow that you are sorry for being grumpy yesterday, it wasn't anything she did, but sometimes moms have bad days too. Hang in there, I hope tomorrow is a better day. :grouphug:

Just remember as you go through this process your body is going to go through stages of healing. It will be up, down and all over the place. Just make sure you release whatever emotions come up and accept them, let them do their thing.

Except I would say when your angry or frustrated, you need to take extra care to make sure you release those feelings in a healthy away on your own, and not project them on others. And always remember that no one is perfect, you got angry and took it out on your daughter, it was a mistake but just make sure you apologize and try your hardest to prevent it from happening again, don't be too hard on yourself. When you slip up, make things right after and just take things one at a time, don't look at the whole picture of your problems, just focus on what's in front of you and take it on one by one.

It's way more stressful to worry about everything at once.

You'll get through this. happyface:

Yesterday was a dreadful day, thank you all for responses.

I don't want a drink today, it is the depression I need to focus on, it is becoming more obvious I am suffering from depression and need to find ways to overcome these really dark negative feelings.

I did go to a few AA meetings, but have not gone for two weeks because they left me feeling drained and exhusted.
I keep checking in on here every now and again.

Today will be a better day.

Six weeks is amazing!

In early recovery I thought that episodes as you described meant I was failing at recovery. Something I could NOT afford to fail at. As Sapling said, it's a process. Sometimes pus flows from the wounds, ewww...but necessary.

I'm not saying that it's ever ok to use our kids as targets, because it's not. The thing is you recognized it and are now addressing it.

Does it all ever get to be too much for us to take? I think it does, but we only have to take it in small doses, sometimes we look at the whole bottle of ill tasting medicine forgetting that today's dose is only a spoonful.

The challenges of life overwhelm me, and I have to rein in my thoughts and come back to the present moment, to what I have to address NOW, and accept that I will address tomorrow when it comes.

This has been my number one challenge my entire life. I even have a tattoo to remind me, yet many times a day I forget. "Take no thought for the morrow, sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Dear Dorris, I get snarly and snappy too when I feel overburdened with too many demands.

A habit I have gotten into when I come home is to lie down for ten or twenty minutes even if it's just my head that feels rested afterward.

Hoping today was a better day for you Dorris....and a sober one:)