road to Destruction
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: durham
Posts: 11
road to Destruction
The last five years have been hell, lost my mum to Cancer, Dad died of a broken heart, recession took my business, my wife asked for a divorce on my birthday and now im on the right road to destruction, drinking way too much, drug habit never ever touched them in the past and started smoking again dont know how to get off this wheel wish i could but the world seems a dark cold unforgiving place without the crutch that the above provide, i have two teenage kids but know that i will not be around for long if i continue on this path
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
That's alot for one plate, really sorry you are having such bad experiences in such a short time. From what I read, you seem to realize that drinking will most likelly add more negative to your situation. From here you need to keep seeking help. This site is a really good start. People will help you with open arms. Are you wanting to stop drinking?
That is the question most important I think. Glad you posted, keep posting alright?
That is the question most important I think. Glad you posted, keep posting alright?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
Sorry for all that you are going through. I had alot of sad and traumatic things happen to me over the past few years too.
I know it's hard but the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself .There are a lot of good people here who will support you.
I know it's hard but the best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself .There are a lot of good people here who will support you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: durham
Posts: 11
I hate myself, i hardly drank never touched drugs and stopped smoking 18 years ago now i do all three every night, i want to stop i hate the man i've become but see no way out of the maze, it keeps pulling me back and i cannot resist.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
You can resist. Others have been where you are now and they have found a way out. You can do that too. Believe this. There are ways to get help. People who are waiting to help you. Do you want to know more? Ask us. And keep using this site.
W.
W.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: durham
Posts: 11
patman, if it were just drink i could cope but coupled with the drugs being a smoker and overweight i know that if i keep up this pace i wont be around much longer the frightening thing is i don't care. i dont want my old life back just the old me back does that make sense i hope so cause im sick and tired of being me right now
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi woodend 
I remember that cycle and never thinking I'd get out...to break it you have to reach out...to change your life you need to make changes.
I think reaching out here is a good start - you'll find a lot of real life support around too if you're into that:
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I really recommend you check out all the options you can - when you're on the road to Hell any kind of off ramp is a good one, I think
You, and your kids, deserve a better life
D
I remember that cycle and never thinking I'd get out...to break it you have to reach out...to change your life you need to make changes.
I think reaching out here is a good start - you'll find a lot of real life support around too if you're into that:
There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.
I really recommend you check out all the options you can - when you're on the road to Hell any kind of off ramp is a good one, I think
You, and your kids, deserve a better life
D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
It's like quicksand, but if you stop struggling and surrender, maybe there's a chance. I was like you once.
There is a way out, if you want it desperately enough.
Stop the struggle and ask for some help.
Salvation Army or another rehab may take you in, ask about a "scholarship" which is a reduced or free placement, then find a program of recovery (AVRT, Rational Recovery, SMART, Life Ring, or AA) and work it like your life depends upon it---because it does.
Love & hugs,
There is a way out, if you want it desperately enough.
Stop the struggle and ask for some help.
Salvation Army or another rehab may take you in, ask about a "scholarship" which is a reduced or free placement, then find a program of recovery (AVRT, Rational Recovery, SMART, Life Ring, or AA) and work it like your life depends upon it---because it does.
Love & hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Eastern Us
Posts: 1,366
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with so much suffering at one time. I don't think you will find what you are looking for in drugs and booze. For me, nothing got better until I stopped. I wish you peace.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome woodend. We all care about you and want to help. Glad you joined us.
It's terrible what you've been through - but nothing is made better by drinking, drugging, overeating & smoking. You're trying to calm yourself, but your anxiety level must be through the roof. You need a clear head to cope with things and see what to do to make your life better. I was drinking 24/7 when I quit - and had been for years. I don't know why I was so afraid to let go - it brought me nothing but misery and despair.
I hope you'll keep posting - this is a great place where you can tell your story and no one will judge. Congratulations for deciding to reach out.
It's terrible what you've been through - but nothing is made better by drinking, drugging, overeating & smoking. You're trying to calm yourself, but your anxiety level must be through the roof. You need a clear head to cope with things and see what to do to make your life better. I was drinking 24/7 when I quit - and had been for years. I don't know why I was so afraid to let go - it brought me nothing but misery and despair.
I hope you'll keep posting - this is a great place where you can tell your story and no one will judge. Congratulations for deciding to reach out.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Welcome to SR woodend,
There's alot of help . I'd turned to booze to "cope' with some devastating things that had happened also. My weight went up 60lbs after several years, and my anxiety was through the roof.
Hanging out and reading this forum helped me get thrrough the early days. I found plenty of folks going through the same thing, ....and, like me, were desperate to change their lives;
you can do this
Ended up losing that extra weight about 8 months after quitting, but the biggest benefit was having that crazy -out -of -control anxiety go away.
Take care, ....it gets better
There's alot of help . I'd turned to booze to "cope' with some devastating things that had happened also. My weight went up 60lbs after several years, and my anxiety was through the roof.
Hanging out and reading this forum helped me get thrrough the early days. I found plenty of folks going through the same thing, ....and, like me, were desperate to change their lives;
you can do this
Ended up losing that extra weight about 8 months after quitting, but the biggest benefit was having that crazy -out -of -control anxiety go away.
Take care, ....it gets better
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: durham
Posts: 11
Thanks everyone, i'm on a downward spiral and cannot seem to pull myself out of this, i know what i am doing is not going to help but at this moment i cannot stop myself. I look in the mirror and the person staring back is just someone i used to know.i hate myself for being like i am, if i could speak to me i would tell myself to pull myself together but i cannot go that extra mile.
i am just looking for a sign or someone to point me in the right direction but i cannot see the wood for the tree's. I don't like who i am or what i have become but cannot consider the alternatives as they lack appeal and whilst drunk and high i don't feel what i do when i'm sober
i am just looking for a sign or someone to point me in the right direction but i cannot see the wood for the tree's. I don't like who i am or what i have become but cannot consider the alternatives as they lack appeal and whilst drunk and high i don't feel what i do when i'm sober
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
woodend,
You are correct when you say that you cannot stop this yourself. You are doing a great thing by posting this thread and seeking guidance. I remember how much anxiety I would feel all the time when drinking. Drinking would numb the emotions temporarily but then I would pass out and then I would have to face the feelings all over again the next day except it got worse and worse. It's a vicious and ugly cycle that never ends. You can start feeling better every day without the drink or drugs. Just ask for help. I hope you find what you are looking for on here.
You are correct when you say that you cannot stop this yourself. You are doing a great thing by posting this thread and seeking guidance. I remember how much anxiety I would feel all the time when drinking. Drinking would numb the emotions temporarily but then I would pass out and then I would have to face the feelings all over again the next day except it got worse and worse. It's a vicious and ugly cycle that never ends. You can start feeling better every day without the drink or drugs. Just ask for help. I hope you find what you are looking for on here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
woodend, welcome to a place none of us ever planned on ending up, but aplace where theres poeple who have been where you are.
my dad died in 1996. up til then, i was drinki quite a bit, but that is when i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism. i went about 3 years without missing a day of drinking. then i added other drugs in to help( what i though) take the pain away. now that im sober, i can see it didnt work.
through it all, i hated myself. i couldnt look in the mirror because i hated who i saw: a uselless, worthless POS.
then one morning in early 05 i passed in from a rip snortin blackout, was told what i had done and said and was at the point of desperation. the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality. i had finally conceded that alcohol( and drugs) were the problem in my life and i had to do soething about it.
i spent that day, while goin through a rip snortin hangover, the things i had "tried" before to stop drinking. i narrowed my choices down to 2: take another drink and kill myself or go to AA. i chose to go to AA. i was court ordered to go to AA before, btu i wasnt ready to stop.
so i went to an AA meeting; broke, beaten, suicidal, and hating me and my life( i didnt hate life, just mine.) all i could say at that meeting was "im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it any more." then i broke down and cried. i didnt have to say anything more. them poeple there knew exactly how i was feeling. they knew because they had been in my shoes.
i got the big book and started reading it and went to many meetings. i decided that i liked what the big book said i could have if i worked the program, saw that them folks at the meetings werent suffering from gloom, dispair, and misery like i was and i wanted what they had( which is peace, serenity and freedom from alcohol) and was willing to go to any lengths to get it.
that was in 05. i havent had a drink since, i can look at myself in the mirror and like who i see( hes kinda ugly, but i like him). life has taken on new meaning and it is awesome to be alive and living today instead of just existing.
my dad died in 1996. up til then, i was drinki quite a bit, but that is when i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism. i went about 3 years without missing a day of drinking. then i added other drugs in to help( what i though) take the pain away. now that im sober, i can see it didnt work.
through it all, i hated myself. i couldnt look in the mirror because i hated who i saw: a uselless, worthless POS.
then one morning in early 05 i passed in from a rip snortin blackout, was told what i had done and said and was at the point of desperation. the pain of getting drunk had finally exceeded the pain of reality. i had finally conceded that alcohol( and drugs) were the problem in my life and i had to do soething about it.
i spent that day, while goin through a rip snortin hangover, the things i had "tried" before to stop drinking. i narrowed my choices down to 2: take another drink and kill myself or go to AA. i chose to go to AA. i was court ordered to go to AA before, btu i wasnt ready to stop.
so i went to an AA meeting; broke, beaten, suicidal, and hating me and my life( i didnt hate life, just mine.) all i could say at that meeting was "im tom im an alcoholic and i cant take it any more." then i broke down and cried. i didnt have to say anything more. them poeple there knew exactly how i was feeling. they knew because they had been in my shoes.
i got the big book and started reading it and went to many meetings. i decided that i liked what the big book said i could have if i worked the program, saw that them folks at the meetings werent suffering from gloom, dispair, and misery like i was and i wanted what they had( which is peace, serenity and freedom from alcohol) and was willing to go to any lengths to get it.
that was in 05. i havent had a drink since, i can look at myself in the mirror and like who i see( hes kinda ugly, but i like him). life has taken on new meaning and it is awesome to be alive and living today instead of just existing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
I am so sorry that you are dealing with so many things right now, and The overwhelming feeling that comes along with that. Posting and reading here is a great start. I would definitely check out some of the programs in the secular section and find one that works for you. Your kids are teenagers, and that is a tough age, they need their dad.
You have taken that difficult first step, admitting you have a problem. I know we have all felt the same way. I am on day 20 and this site along with seeing a therapist, journaling and going tonclassesnbas helped.
Keep posting and reading, sending virtual hugs.
You have taken that difficult first step, admitting you have a problem. I know we have all felt the same way. I am on day 20 and this site along with seeing a therapist, journaling and going tonclassesnbas helped.
Keep posting and reading, sending virtual hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 3
Hey.. Why don't we do it together...
hey.. Well i went through some hard times also... end up in the prison at the end.. now that i'm out my dumb ass started using again...
I need to get out of this mess... why do u and i stop using together... lets give hopes to each other and starting now.. lets stop...
Let's do this... I know we can do it....
I need to get out of this mess... why do u and i stop using together... lets give hopes to each other and starting now.. lets stop...
Let's do this... I know we can do it....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
There you go Wooded16!! Say it loud, screen it if you must. Bet show yourself that your are not done yet, not untill you say you are. The addiction cannot control you, you stand, man your post a kick the habbits ass hard. Here are lyrics from an Ozzi song that got me up, listen to it on you tube, loud, like unsafe loud. Blessings!
"Life Won't Wait"
I watch it all change,
take the news of the day
and throw it away.
Time will kill all the pain,
faith will cure the decay
of all this blind ambition;
the greed brings us together.
Stay strong, stay true, be brave - it all comes down to you.
Tried to just let it go
know that justice moves slow
but it comes in the end
Rise the guilty will fall
stay they can't take it all
they want the unimportance
it's love they leave behind
Stand up, stay true, be hard - the future looks to you
Every second you throw away
Every minute of every day
Don't get caught in a myriad
Because life won't wait for you
No, life won't wait for you, my friend.
I'm watching the change
through who will carry the flame
it all feels very strange.
Dreams than mean can be good
faith - to live as we should
and know we're all connected
we give ourselves the power
Stay strong stay true be brave - it all comes down to you
Every day that you wait you're falling faster
No sleight of hand, no twist of fate, no ever after
When it's gone - it's gone, afight to the bitter end
Life won't wait for you
No, life won't wait for you, my friend.
Life won't wait for you, my friend [x4]
"Life Won't Wait"
I watch it all change,
take the news of the day
and throw it away.
Time will kill all the pain,
faith will cure the decay
of all this blind ambition;
the greed brings us together.
Stay strong, stay true, be brave - it all comes down to you.
Tried to just let it go
know that justice moves slow
but it comes in the end
Rise the guilty will fall
stay they can't take it all
they want the unimportance
it's love they leave behind
Stand up, stay true, be hard - the future looks to you
Every second you throw away
Every minute of every day
Don't get caught in a myriad
Because life won't wait for you
No, life won't wait for you, my friend.
I'm watching the change
through who will carry the flame
it all feels very strange.
Dreams than mean can be good
faith - to live as we should
and know we're all connected
we give ourselves the power
Stay strong stay true be brave - it all comes down to you
Every day that you wait you're falling faster
No sleight of hand, no twist of fate, no ever after
When it's gone - it's gone, afight to the bitter end
Life won't wait for you
No, life won't wait for you, my friend.
Life won't wait for you, my friend [x4]
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