Lionhearted1

Hi guys hope your well, I started a thread a little while back asking if alcoholics can ever moderate the general consensus was NO but I thought I am differant so started drinking again the first week went ok but every morning I would wake up and feel down I missed that first moment when you open our eyes that place between sleep and awake I use to love knowing that the next thing I was going to feel was happinesss to be alive, not fear anxiety desperation that used to hit me like a sledge hammer after a binge. I also felt upset even tho I was moderating in the beginning I still did not want to be drinking really it's like I have truly fallen out of love with alcohol. I was sober for 2 months and my sobriety started to feel real, it started to mean something to me it was my little bit of happiness it made me feel good about myself and I missed it!!

So iam back now I want my sobriety back for me!! Just throwing it out here that moderating for a while is no where near as good as recovery it's just 1 big illusion in a alcoholics head!!!

suki44883

I agree, but sometimes, people have to find that out for themselves.

I'm glad you have decided to again seek recovery.

least

Glad you're back and giving it another go.

Dee74

In the end I knew I wanted to be sober - I finally realised it was the way I was meant to be and it beat out the fear of change and being different and all those other things that held me back from full recovery commitment for such a long time

I'm glad you're back

D

Hollyanne

Welcome back.
I think if someone comes to a recovery site like this, truly, the moderating thing is just a hope. If we could moderate, we would have done it.
I realize now, that the only thing that moderated for me for years was CLOSING TIME.

Lionhearted1

Also the moderating only lasted 10 days, after that I was back to drinking enough to black out and be sick..

Sasha4

I am so glad you posted this!

That moment you talk about between awake and asleep, I so understand you.

I still struggle with panic and anxiety in the morning and I wonder if it has become ingrained in me to feel like this after years of drinking.

I remember a few years ago, I started to try and have more sober nights and I sometimes woke up smiling as I came too and remembered that last night I did not drink. I had nothing to worry about, it was all fine.

Thank you for yor post it means a lot too me.
I hope things work out for you in your quest to stop drinking and that your mornings continue to rock!!!

xxxx

Hevyn

It happened to me, too Lionhearted. I was sober 3 yrs. & decided to have 'a glass' of wine. 7 yrs. later I came limping into SR, totally broken.

Thank you for sharing that valuable knowledge with us. Glad you are back and starting again - this time you know the truth.

Anna

I'm glad you posted and that you're back and sober.

quitforme79

Great post lionhearted. I think we all just have to get to that point where we are REALLY ready. Sounds like you definitely learned a lot from your relapse and I am glad to see you back

Purplecatlover

The AV & the lies it tells......so glad you can see the truth now.
And the other "truths" that follow, I CAN quit forever, I WILL quit forever & my life WILL be BETTER sober.

Welcome back

artsoul

Thanks for the post, Lion - glad you're back!

You brought up a great point when you talked about feeling unique. I felt that way too. It's like a subtle kind of denial.

I found all kinds of ways to believe that maybe "the normal rules didn't apply", that maybe I could control it next time, that I was stronger/weaker, my life was harder, or whatever....... It crazy how I was only fooling myself!

Glad you saw the illusion for what it is!

Pondlady

Nothing is better than waking up in the morning without the guilt and misery drinking brings us.

LSC1

Great post Lionhearted... I really needed to read this posts and the comments today.

Delilah1

Thanks for your post, it is a good reminder. I have tried moderation in the past and it never worked. I am on day 20 (almost 21) and once if twice I have thought, hmmm, I can just have a glass of wine, or maybe in a few weeks I can have a glass of wine again. However, I know the reality is it would not be "a" glass of wine.

Welcome back!!

nonblondechef

Welcome home! Drove past my former close to work drive thru wine shack yesterday and literally shuddered when I thought of drinking. All my senses were in the moment and I could smell it and taste it and I realized I never drank for the nuance or to be sheik. I drank to get chyt faced and self medicate - and I could do it in 60 minutes. Talk about disease and addiction - So glad you are back with us - onward and upward!!

MIRecovery

Unfortunately I had to find out what did not work so I could do the things that did.

Welcome back. You live and learn