sober4myboys

I'm not counting days but I do know its been over 3 months, sometime in July was it for me.

But I have a question. When will I never romanticize the thought of drinking again? I have moments when others around me are drinking and I think, oh a beer would be nice, or a glass of wine by the fire... while most of me realizes that that would begin another spiral of guilt and shame and WHY did I do that, part of me thinks that I can do it again.

What's up with this? When will I COMPLETELY enjoy just being sober ALL the time? When will I re-learn who I am without drinking and accepting that I will truly NEVER drink again? Does this make sense?

zanzibar

It makes perfect sence. It's good you understand the consequences you'll experience if you drink. That feeling you're looking for will come one day.

Congrats on three months.

iiredskins89

First off , congratulations!!! I experience the same exact feelings with my drug of choice, have you tried to limit yourself from where alcohol is used the most? Also, i'm not a very religious person but I will pray, and everytime I do something inside of me changes.. look up to the lord. I'm not gonna preach the bible, I dont even go to church, but sometimes I talk to the old man and things happen. Best of luck to you and your fight!

SSIL75

When I had episodes like that I would acknowledge them for what they were - flawed, alcoholic thinking. Totally normal in the context (early recovery). I'd think of an alternative, more appropriate belief ("It'll be great to run early in Central Park the next time I go to NY", "When I lose the next 10lbs I'm going to buy new makeup") and focus on those instead.

Congrats on 3 months!

freshstart57

I think it is a lot like ending a bad romantic relationship. Even after decades, I still think about her once in a while, but would never ever have anything to do with her again. Thinking about her doesn't upset me anymore, those days are long gone of course. I also don't think that it would be a good statement about me if I were to lose my memories of that time, that would actually take something away from me.

mecanix

I always think the drink through and i know for me even half a glass will make me flush red and sweat .
Here in the uk i often think it'd be nice to have a beer in a country pub, when i substitue the beer for a lemonade in my mind, i go off the idea, so i know it's about the alcohol.

I'm just over a year and i don't often have "romantic" ideas about alcohol, more often it just creeps in on an idea as above, i remain wary, as afterall i nearly killed myself with it .

Bestwishes, M

ru12

Thoughts just are. I don't know if you can ever be free of any odd thought of drinking. My mind thinks of all kinds of crazy stuff. . . and that is just fine. I think for me at least, I made the decision to not drink no matter what I thought about it. So now I just watch those thoughts come and go and all the while I get on with living.

Dee74

Congratulations Sober4
not to put anyone off but I drank for 20 years - it took a lot longer than 3 months for me to stop romancing the drink

I'm kinda glad it did - it reminded me of the power and relentlessness of this addiction and made me more determined not to buy into the lies.

The romance dies eventually...finding something new to love helps too

...stick with it Sober4

D

hypochondriac

Well done on 3 months Sober4myboys

With the romanticising thing, I see it as retraining my brain, and it ain't gonna happen overnight. First of I had to see the lies around drinking, it doesn't actually make me more confident or relax me or make social occasions more fun (Allen Carr's book Easyway to quit drinking was really useful for this).

Then I have to try and get rid of the excuses that come up, reasons why I think I should be able to drink... They are usually things like having a bad day, or everyone else is doing it or generally any other thought that supports the idea of having a drink.

I think the thing to realise that it's totally okay to have these thoughts, just don't act on them. Just because they are in your head doesn't mean you have to feel guilty for them being there. Try to counter all the excuses and romanticising with evidence to the contrary. Also feel free to just ignore those thoughts. Sometimes I think if I think about it too much it makes me want to drink more, just distract yourself with something else til the thought passes. The more you do this the less they'll come up. But I think it takes a while, perhaps a lifetime of vigilance.

OneLessLonely

I'm at 5 months and still have those thoughts. Cut scene to the misery, anxiety, guilt, nausea, and I manage to kill the romance. I kill it quicker the longer I'm sober.

Hollyanne

2 years off the sauce, and I still get the idea.
What makes me NOT drink is this.
I don't want a glass of wine.
I want to buy a bottle of something good and strong, whiskey or brandy or......
(and have a few days off to recover) and get totally blasted and then politely take up where I left off.
So, I guess I am not cured yet.
Don't do it. We tried to moderate and drink like normal people and we couldn't.
Simple as that. No more research necessary.

least

Like Dee, I took longer than three months to forget about drinking. And it happened gradually, over time. But at around a year I honestly didn't think about it but rarely, and those thoughts were easily dismissed for the lies and bs they were.

Take care of yourself, stay sober, and find something to do that you like to engage your brain in some exercise. The thoughts will go away, it just takes time.


Congrats on three months sober!

Sasha4

It does change yes, at least it did for me.

The more days I have (261) the more fear I seem to have for alcohol.
I look at (someone elses) glass of wine and I actually feel nervous, scared and frightened to where it could take me.

Thats both when I would be drinking it and the horror of the next day.

For me, as my days stack up, I am determined that alcohol will never have that hold over me again. Ever.
Put I know that one sip/glass could take me back.

I don't equate throwing up, shaking, feeling like I want to die with romance.

Congratulations on your sober time xx

FreeFall

I'm at about the same point you are, and it is hard to still feel the urges to drink. We still have in our heads the view of drinking that commercials show, the fun and games, romantic atmosphere, peaceful beach scenes, etc. We have to keep our inner tv on the reality shows of drinking. I don't know if I'll ever completely enjoy never drinking again, but I am enjoying sobriety if that makes any sense. It's a lot of seesawing back and forth. I miss going out drinking with my friends vs. I love having more time to myself. I miss the drinks to unwind but I love it that I'm exercising regularly again.

Join us over in the Class of July 2012 thread-nice group over there

SoberForMySon

Great question. Day one for me, and I already think, "Ah, but you were good all day. One cold one would be a nice reward." Then I stop that thought and say nope. ONE cold one is what ruined my whole day yesterday. NOT COOL. I don't know a better answer, maybe it just takes time.

sober4myboys

I was in that class and then stopped coming to SR and just worked on life... I find it comforting here though. I like the inner tv idea :0).