my addiction story, "spice, incense"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 8
my addiction story, "spice, incense"
Well, hello all, this is my first post and am trying to reach out for some help. MY addiction story started when I smoked my first joint at about 15. I loved how it took away stress and how it made me enter an altered state-of-mind. I started smoking with friends, and slowly started smoking by myself, marijuana that is, more and more, with my peak of me buying a 3.5 gram bag every week.
This continued for about 3 years, until me and my friends heard about the drug dxm. One night we tried it, and again , I loved how it made me feel that different state of mind. It made me forget about all the problems of my life , even though it eventually created more. My family showed great disappointment, I lost friends, I basically was just a selfish walking zombie who lived life in an altered state of mind. I continued dxm for about 2 years, pretty heavily, and stopped at age 20 because I only started to feel the negative effects which were 10x magnified.
During this time, I still smoked about 3.5 grams of marijuana a week. Ever since about age 17, I've been a social drinker. When I stopped dxm, I picked up on alcohol, and I mean a lot. I was 20 and always looking for who could buy me my next handle of Burnetts vodka, nasty, which would last me about 3-4 days. This lead to me getting by DUI October 11, a little over a year ago. As a result of my DUI, I lost my job, totaled my car, and lost my license.
I was placed on probation and knew that my smoking of marijuana would have to come to a screeching halt. I still drank to cope with my loss of marijuana. But slowly, I just started to get sicker and sicker from alcohol, and stopped drinking with little difficulty. I thought the loss of marijuana and alcohol would be worse than it really was, when I got over the short 2 day cravings of either/or, I felt like I was on the track to being normal again...
Which brings me to "spice". Basically a form of synthetic marijuana. I first smoked it last March at a friends house. I was told it wouldn't show up on a drug test, so I was all for it. Smoking it was the worst experience of my life, I've never felt so close to death. All I could do was sit on the couch curled in a ball, closing my eyes and staring at patterns which made me feel the most uncomfortable I have ever been , sober , or not. I told myself I was never going to do this again.
About a month passes, so late April, my girlfriend and I were bored in my room. So i mention the idea of spice. It's like I knew I didn't like the experience, but was open for doing it again because I didn't know what was so bad about it, if that makes sense. We then went to the gas station and bought some.
I loved the feeling it gave me this time, and would buy a 10 gram bag every week and a half or so. From April to yesterday, I slowly bought more and more, with my peak being a 10 gram bag every 3 days.
This habit, or addiction if you will, has taken total control of my life. I didnt even register it being a problem until about early September. I always would beg someone to take me to the gas station, since I lost my license and car from my DUI, with my own girlfriend being the main driver. My friends stopped talking to me because I would ask them for a ride all the time. From Early September up until yesterday, my brain told me this is absolutely enough. I am an addict in every way. I would wake up in the morning and smoke, and it would continue very often through out the day or whenever I could. I would wake up in the middle of the night just to smoke some more and go to bed. I get edgy and do alot of pacing if I cant even smoke it for a couple hours. Not to mention the nausea, every morning, along with a horrible cough, laziness, no appetite whatsoever unless im high, and cold/hot sweats.
I guess my question is, what can I do to help me through this? I have made the conscious decision that this drug is evil, bringing way too much bad things along with a 10 minute high. I am tired of living this lifestyle, and tired of the effects it has had on my girlfriend, family, and friends. I am totally aware of the bad things it brings, but that's barely enough to make me not smoke. If I dont smoke, I begin withdrawal , and I feel like i'm never going to get through it. It's a tough withdrawal, much tougher than that of weed and alcohol in my experience. Spice is on full control of my mind, I think about it 24/7 even though I know its terrible to smoke. I just want to be normal again. I am also concerned of my very addictive personality, can depression lead to this? Deep down I know I'm a good person, but I feel like a total addict who everyone wants to abandon. Someone help
EDIT :3rd paragraph, 3.5 grams a week, not day **
This continued for about 3 years, until me and my friends heard about the drug dxm. One night we tried it, and again , I loved how it made me feel that different state of mind. It made me forget about all the problems of my life , even though it eventually created more. My family showed great disappointment, I lost friends, I basically was just a selfish walking zombie who lived life in an altered state of mind. I continued dxm for about 2 years, pretty heavily, and stopped at age 20 because I only started to feel the negative effects which were 10x magnified.
During this time, I still smoked about 3.5 grams of marijuana a week. Ever since about age 17, I've been a social drinker. When I stopped dxm, I picked up on alcohol, and I mean a lot. I was 20 and always looking for who could buy me my next handle of Burnetts vodka, nasty, which would last me about 3-4 days. This lead to me getting by DUI October 11, a little over a year ago. As a result of my DUI, I lost my job, totaled my car, and lost my license.
I was placed on probation and knew that my smoking of marijuana would have to come to a screeching halt. I still drank to cope with my loss of marijuana. But slowly, I just started to get sicker and sicker from alcohol, and stopped drinking with little difficulty. I thought the loss of marijuana and alcohol would be worse than it really was, when I got over the short 2 day cravings of either/or, I felt like I was on the track to being normal again...
Which brings me to "spice". Basically a form of synthetic marijuana. I first smoked it last March at a friends house. I was told it wouldn't show up on a drug test, so I was all for it. Smoking it was the worst experience of my life, I've never felt so close to death. All I could do was sit on the couch curled in a ball, closing my eyes and staring at patterns which made me feel the most uncomfortable I have ever been , sober , or not. I told myself I was never going to do this again.
About a month passes, so late April, my girlfriend and I were bored in my room. So i mention the idea of spice. It's like I knew I didn't like the experience, but was open for doing it again because I didn't know what was so bad about it, if that makes sense. We then went to the gas station and bought some.
I loved the feeling it gave me this time, and would buy a 10 gram bag every week and a half or so. From April to yesterday, I slowly bought more and more, with my peak being a 10 gram bag every 3 days. This habit, or addiction if you will, has taken total control of my life. I didnt even register it being a problem until about early September. I always would beg someone to take me to the gas station, since I lost my license and car from my DUI, with my own girlfriend being the main driver. My friends stopped talking to me because I would ask them for a ride all the time. From Early September up until yesterday, my brain told me this is absolutely enough. I am an addict in every way. I would wake up in the morning and smoke, and it would continue very often through out the day or whenever I could. I would wake up in the middle of the night just to smoke some more and go to bed. I get edgy and do alot of pacing if I cant even smoke it for a couple hours. Not to mention the nausea, every morning, along with a horrible cough, laziness, no appetite whatsoever unless im high, and cold/hot sweats.
I guess my question is, what can I do to help me through this? I have made the conscious decision that this drug is evil, bringing way too much bad things along with a 10 minute high. I am tired of living this lifestyle, and tired of the effects it has had on my girlfriend, family, and friends. I am totally aware of the bad things it brings, but that's barely enough to make me not smoke. If I dont smoke, I begin withdrawal , and I feel like i'm never going to get through it. It's a tough withdrawal, much tougher than that of weed and alcohol in my experience. Spice is on full control of my mind, I think about it 24/7 even though I know its terrible to smoke. I just want to be normal again. I am also concerned of my very addictive personality, can depression lead to this? Deep down I know I'm a good person, but I feel like a total addict who everyone wants to abandon. Someone help
EDIT :3rd paragraph, 3.5 grams a week, not day **
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Maryland
Posts: 8
Not seriously, as it would be difficult getting there, since I lost my license. I'm sure someone would be glad to help but i just feel like a nuisance to everyone involved. I need more willpower.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Willpower never did me much good iiredskin as most of my will still wanted to get wasted.
I think support can really help - maybe check out your location and NA meetings on Google - or a non 12 step programme like SMART has meetings too...
you never know, you might find there's a meeting in walking distance or on a bus route or something?
Spice is after my time too but you might want to check out our substance abuse forums as well
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I think support can really help - maybe check out your location and NA meetings on Google - or a non 12 step programme like SMART has meetings too...
you never know, you might find there's a meeting in walking distance or on a bus route or something?
Spice is after my time too but you might want to check out our substance abuse forums as well
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
