3 weeks completed
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
Posts: 1,462
3 weeks completed
I actually made it 3 whole weeks, that means 21 days, WOW lol!! I really don't like feeling all this stuff but what's a girl to do? I am so tired and still don't what to deal with everything I need to deal with 
What about the things I can't change, the people who have died that I never got to reconcile with or make things right with them, how on earth should I deal with that without chemical help?? I realize it's still very early in the game for me, but the thoughts of what I would do different are still there. Oh to know then what I know now. I keep chanting the serenity prayer and it's on my wall at home. I keep praying, but what if it's too late for god or anyone else to forgive me? I think I need a spiritual medium or something....ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ok, vent over, thanks for listening! Go team Sober!!!
What about the things I can't change, the people who have died that I never got to reconcile with or make things right with them, how on earth should I deal with that without chemical help?? I realize it's still very early in the game for me, but the thoughts of what I would do different are still there. Oh to know then what I know now. I keep chanting the serenity prayer and it's on my wall at home. I keep praying, but what if it's too late for god or anyone else to forgive me? I think I need a spiritual medium or something....ha ha ha ha ha!!! Ok, vent over, thanks for listening! Go team Sober!!!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Lola.
My warmest congratulations to you on Day 21.
I think about this sometimes (I am on Day 17). But, first things first. I will have a plenty of time to contemplate on thinking about thinking when I am old)
Have a great day.
My warmest congratulations to you on Day 21.
Originally Posted by lilgolden73 
how on earth should I deal with that without chemical help??
Have a great day.
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Oh, and I just wanted to say congrats!
I think in the beginning the weight of it all is almost unbearable.
But the best thing I can think to do is a live a life of sobriety, and do something you're proud of every day. (staying sober is one)
So proud of you!
I think in the beginning the weight of it all is almost unbearable.
But the best thing I can think to do is a live a life of sobriety, and do something you're proud of every day. (staying sober is one)
So proud of you!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 55
i hear ya lil...no worries i think god would be greatful for all your accomplishements....i had a god issue when my brother died..it just takes time we may never forget but will move on because we can't dwell on the past..im only 23 days without a drink and always po'd because of the of life and what i can't change...running through my mind is what i could have done to change it i know i can't but it's my damn mind keeping me trapped!
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Location: Somewhere in the sands of time
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I know exactly what you mean, I am pretty sure the outcome would have been the same but I could have and should have handled alot different. This is my cross to bear I suppose!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 55
i run that though my head all the time god has a plan no matter what we do when it's time for someone to join him we have no say...my brother has been gone 13 years before he had his fatal accident he had a previous one in in 91 that left him paralized thought that was the worse day of my lifen but it wasn't . he was only 25 when he passed and i kick myself in the ass for not making more of a effort to talk to him everyday. i still think of all the things i wish i could of said and done before he passed away(
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Gosh, I think we all sit and kick ourselves so much.
The things that have happened to us, the things we've done..
So much sadness, and regret.
I think that a lot of times this impedes the people we are truly meant to become.
I heard a quote the other day..
Something about "wishing for a better past.."
Can't remember the rest because, well. You know. Misspent youth, and all that.
The things that have happened to us, the things we've done..
So much sadness, and regret.
I think that a lot of times this impedes the people we are truly meant to become.
I heard a quote the other day..
Something about "wishing for a better past.."
Can't remember the rest because, well. You know. Misspent youth, and all that.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi Lola
I think lots of people miss that chance for reconcilliation...it's not something that is confined to addicts.
Maybe it would help to write down what you would have said...then set fire to the paper...releasing the ashes into the Universe, I guess, if you want to be poetic.
would that bring a sense of closure, perhaps?
D
I think lots of people miss that chance for reconcilliation...it's not something that is confined to addicts.
Maybe it would help to write down what you would have said...then set fire to the paper...releasing the ashes into the Universe, I guess, if you want to be poetic.
would that bring a sense of closure, perhaps?
D
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Originally Posted by lilgolden73
I realize it's still very early in the game for me, but the thoughts of what I would do different are still there. Oh to know then what I know now. I keep chanting the serenity prayer and it's on my wall at home.
Let me re-explain what the serenity prayer means, to me. We can't change the past. We can't mess up anything we did wonderfully right because it is done right? And of course we can't change what we did that was not so wonderful. We can't change the past, and the prayer asks that we be granted the wisdom to accept that we cannot change the past.
We can use what we have learned to indeed do things differently today as I said, and in the prayer we ask for the courage to change the things we can! And we ask for the wisdom to know the difference.
So here we are obsessing over what we can't change instead of accepting that it is done, and refusing to try to have the courage to change today and the future. So tomorrow we will not have started having and using the courage to change what we could have, today, and then talk about how we wish we would have done things differently yesterday which until tomorrow is today.
Have you seen the movie "Groundhog Day?"
Seriously, congrats, and lighten up on yourself about the past. You make the amends you can. Today and tomorrow. You can't go back in time to make amends. I like your posts and perspective. Take what you can use, and leave the rest!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 55
i am with you lil. i miss ppl every day...my grandma which was my hero as my brother was passed away from cancer. i was with her in her last moments and let me tell you hearing her struggle to breathe and then take her last breath sticks with me every day. i hear it over and over again........
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
YW Lola!
krs,
I am sorry for your losses. They are also part of what we cannot change. Focus on the time you have, and were given with them, and accept that as a gift, not a right. It gets more common for us as we get older. My mom and dad have been dead almost ten and 12 years now, all my grandparents are gone, and my two year younger brother died a month after I quit drinking, heart atrack, in Oct of 2010. I have lost my cousin that is my age, and several close friends and family, military subordinates and peers. And one day my kids and surviving friends will lose me. Nothing is forever, that is why we need to make the most of every moment we are given to live, and cherish every moment we can get with those we love. Again, the important thing isn't that we all end, but that we are here today, and can hug, and smile with them now. Who knows, they might be grieving us from accident or ilness before our time. If we hug them first, they will know that they were tgere for us. But we have to let them in. Open your heart when you open your arms and make sure your share is full measure. You will never get ahead. The more good you give, the more love you get. It makes you feel a little guilty being that happy so you try to give more, and get even more! Relax, just enjoy the giving and, let the rest in, to give back. We don't regret the things we have done in the end, just the things we didn't.
Hope that helps.
YMMV
krs,
I am sorry for your losses. They are also part of what we cannot change. Focus on the time you have, and were given with them, and accept that as a gift, not a right. It gets more common for us as we get older. My mom and dad have been dead almost ten and 12 years now, all my grandparents are gone, and my two year younger brother died a month after I quit drinking, heart atrack, in Oct of 2010. I have lost my cousin that is my age, and several close friends and family, military subordinates and peers. And one day my kids and surviving friends will lose me. Nothing is forever, that is why we need to make the most of every moment we are given to live, and cherish every moment we can get with those we love. Again, the important thing isn't that we all end, but that we are here today, and can hug, and smile with them now. Who knows, they might be grieving us from accident or ilness before our time. If we hug them first, they will know that they were tgere for us. But we have to let them in. Open your heart when you open your arms and make sure your share is full measure. You will never get ahead. The more good you give, the more love you get. It makes you feel a little guilty being that happy so you try to give more, and get even more! Relax, just enjoy the giving and, let the rest in, to give back. We don't regret the things we have done in the end, just the things we didn't.
Hope that helps.
YMMV
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Itchy, you are so very right! I however and am not even 40 and have lost what most start to lose 20 yrs from now, but I am trying to think of how blessed I was to have them for the time I did, and someday I will be with them forever.
Krs, I went through the same thing with my grandmother, I was raised by her and grandpa and there will always be something missing without them here. My name lilgolden is from gma, she called me little golden hair for my CB name when I got mad that gpa called me snickle britches LOL!!! My gpa died in August of 08, then gma in March of 10...then my husband in December of 10...I'm not sure why God gave all of that to me in such a short time, but I know he has a plan and I must be patient. I just miss them so darn much, but feel their presence daily. My gma when she saw me drinking, back when I was a casual drinker, always told me I needed to be careful as not to become an alcoholic, little did she know that losing her and everyone else sent me over the edge......I am just sad beyond words I couldn't have handled all of that much better than I did. But who knew I would take it that hard....I miss them!
Krs, I went through the same thing with my grandmother, I was raised by her and grandpa and there will always be something missing without them here. My name lilgolden is from gma, she called me little golden hair for my CB name when I got mad that gpa called me snickle britches LOL!!! My gpa died in August of 08, then gma in March of 10...then my husband in December of 10...I'm not sure why God gave all of that to me in such a short time, but I know he has a plan and I must be patient. I just miss them so darn much, but feel their presence daily. My gma when she saw me drinking, back when I was a casual drinker, always told me I needed to be careful as not to become an alcoholic, little did she know that losing her and everyone else sent me over the edge......I am just sad beyond words I couldn't have handled all of that much better than I did. But who knew I would take it that hard....I miss them!
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