It's ok to look down
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
It's ok to look down
I still don't know the point of this thread. What am I trying to say.
Nothing really.
With no power from the storm I had little to do and a lot of quiet time to do it in. So I thought about a few things and came to my muddied conclusions. Only to jot them down and send them off into the cyber world.
When the hell did I forget to look up?
I mean I am now 46. I started drinking and drugging in my early 30's. The future was never a thought. The future was always in the now. Head down. Motoring through life without concern.
I don't have a traditional life. I never accomplished things on schedule. I never opened myself up to certain types of possibilities. None of this is bad really.
The path I am on has been interesting. I would not want any other. But....
So I ask myself if I feel cheated in any way? How can a drunk and drug addict look back and not feel cheated.
Getting back to the now thingy. That whole concept that if I don't live in the now as a sober person that the balance of cheated years to not cheated years will never even out.
The world of a recovering / recovered addict is now focused and rightly so.
But here's my dilemma. I never looked up enough to prepare for what we are supposed to as we age. Nothing I have is prep work completed. Nothing.
So for a while I need to again look only down. Not in a pointless direction anymore, but a sober one. And at some point, I will need to peek around my now to prepare a bit for my later years.
When I do.... I know all the work I have put into my now will have been so worth it. This drunk will feel less cheated by his choices. And that's a good thing.
Nothing really.
With no power from the storm I had little to do and a lot of quiet time to do it in. So I thought about a few things and came to my muddied conclusions. Only to jot them down and send them off into the cyber world.
When the hell did I forget to look up?
I mean I am now 46. I started drinking and drugging in my early 30's. The future was never a thought. The future was always in the now. Head down. Motoring through life without concern.
I don't have a traditional life. I never accomplished things on schedule. I never opened myself up to certain types of possibilities. None of this is bad really.
The path I am on has been interesting. I would not want any other. But....
So I ask myself if I feel cheated in any way? How can a drunk and drug addict look back and not feel cheated.
Getting back to the now thingy. That whole concept that if I don't live in the now as a sober person that the balance of cheated years to not cheated years will never even out.
The world of a recovering / recovered addict is now focused and rightly so.
But here's my dilemma. I never looked up enough to prepare for what we are supposed to as we age. Nothing I have is prep work completed. Nothing.
So for a while I need to again look only down. Not in a pointless direction anymore, but a sober one. And at some point, I will need to peek around my now to prepare a bit for my later years.
When I do.... I know all the work I have put into my now will have been so worth it. This drunk will feel less cheated by his choices. And that's a good thing.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Ken, I think it's easy to look back and lump all the drinking and drugging years into one big mess of mistakes-we tend to think all or nothing a lot don't we?
I've been mulling over the same things and have been looking back as well, but I refuse to write off everything as bad. I made a lot of wonderful friends while drinking, had some fun experiences, and learned a lot along the way. None of that negative. I didn't take a traditional path either, but even those that do, and do it sober have regrets when they look back. There are some things that I could feel cheated about, but at those times I had other options I didn't take. Drinking may have been a factor in the outcomes, but was not the direct cause.
We're on the right path now, so look forward and there is still time to prep for what you need to!!
I've been mulling over the same things and have been looking back as well, but I refuse to write off everything as bad. I made a lot of wonderful friends while drinking, had some fun experiences, and learned a lot along the way. None of that negative. I didn't take a traditional path either, but even those that do, and do it sober have regrets when they look back. There are some things that I could feel cheated about, but at those times I had other options I didn't take. Drinking may have been a factor in the outcomes, but was not the direct cause.
We're on the right path now, so look forward and there is still time to prep for what you need to!!
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Yeah FF this is a theme from me. But have a much better attitude now than before.
Unlike you thee was not a lot of good to come from my years. They were a downward sqiral that nothing positive can be drawn.
Just with so much time today I was thinking a bit. Thinking how I need to stay vigilant and focused on my days and when I have done that I can look up and realize I came far. And hopefully a bit more prepare.
No one like an elderly drug addict. They usually don't have that lifespan.
Oh well. Back to quiet time.
K
Unlike you thee was not a lot of good to come from my years. They were a downward sqiral that nothing positive can be drawn.
Just with so much time today I was thinking a bit. Thinking how I need to stay vigilant and focused on my days and when I have done that I can look up and realize I came far. And hopefully a bit more prepare.
No one like an elderly drug addict. They usually don't have that lifespan.
Oh well. Back to quiet time.
K
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