Krissy1965

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself here, this seems like a great place to meet people like myself.

I am an alcoholic and would very much like to quit drinking, or maybe I should be really honest and admit that I wish I could drink and not feel so bad about it, but I can't. I binge every time I drink, I can't stop once I start.

I've tried repeatedly to quit over the years, because it has affected my health. I self medicate I guess, been suffering severe depression for years. I have been on & off anti-depressants and at the moment cannot afford Dr visits and medication, also they never helped me anyway, just made me gain weight and get more depressed.

I Want to Not want to drink, that's what I want. Every day that I don't drink feels like hell, I cannot stand the thought of dealing with that and fighting that demon every day for the rest of my life.

I'm not a daily drinker, more like a few times a week, only reason I don't drink 24/7 is because I can't afford it, I need to function, and also I do like to take care of myself and stay fit, so I fight the urge to drink often.

Nice to be here, I've spent many hours just reading your stories. Thanks for reading this.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Krissy. Welcome to SR!

You are right, it is a great place to get support and encouragement. It is not easy to fight this demon, but it is possible.

Take care and keep posting.

zanzibar

Welcome Krissy. I think many of us want to not want to drink. The only way I can do that is to plain not drink. I know it feels like hell when you don't drink but it does get better, and it seems the more determination you have the faster you feel better. I'm really glad you are here. Read around see how others have stopped, ask questions, share your thoughts, and best wishes to you.

TorontoGuy28

The urge to drink goes away as your sobriety grows. That is a fact and something to look forward to...

Have you gone to AA ?

freshstart57

Hi Krissy, glad you found us here. Some of us here have learned that the only way to make the wanting go away is to just stop drinking. Period. For good. The brain is an awesome machine, and it gets used to not drinking after a while.

There is still that awkward in-between time when we have stopped drinking, but those dang urges keep popping up. We get these thoughts that tell us all sorts of things to try to convince us to pour some more alcohol down the hatch, thoughts such as I don't need to quit, I can't quit, it's not my fault, everyone in my family drinks, just one or two won't hurt, I've had a tough day, it's my birthday, everyone else is having one and I don't want to seem like an alcoholic, I need to do XYZ or I am going to drink, blah blah blah.

We can accept that we just don't do what these thoughts tell us to do any more, they come from our alcoholic brain, not our thinking brain. We really can choose which thoughts we act on, and we can choose to stop drinking. You can do it too, Krissy. Keep posting, OK?

Krissy1965

Thank-you so much for the warm welcome. I know it will probally get easier to resist as more time goes by, but I guess I've found it really hard to get to that point.

It's impossibly hard for me to resist that urge sometimes, as every day I seem to have a dark cloud over my head and the ONLY thing that helps is drinking, it lifts my mood immediatly, even before I take that first sip, just the anticipation makes me feel euphoric, it's crazy. Knowing full well, that my depression will be 10 times worse the next day, for whatever reason I think it's worth it, at that moment....

The urge comes suddenly, out of nowhere sometimes, It can come minutes after I just swore off alcohol forever. I'll be working out and feeling okay, thinking how well I'm doing resisting, and suddenly I don't want to resist, 5 minutes after feeling proud, I'm on my way to the liquor store. Occassionally I will argue with myself all the way there but once I have my bottle, the euphoria begins. I'm sick, there's no other explanation. Scary to admit that.

I've been sober up to 2 months at a time, felt better physically and mentally, but the desire to drink was as strong as ever. I guess anything and everything makes me want to drink. Even reading here. Reading about drinking makes me want it, or comparing myself to others that seem worse than me, ugh. I really can't remember what Kept me sober for any amount of time, I know once it was a new years resolution.

Thank-you all again, I will be sticking around, praying to beat this somehow. I haven't drank since Sunday night.

Rosiepetal

Welcome to SR Krissy.
We are all here for you.
Keep posting & reading.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Krissy

reading and posting here really helped me get to that place of wanting to want to not drink - I hope you can get to that place too

D

Thepatman

Welcome to SR! This site is god sent ;-)

Hevyn

Hi krissy. I was so afraid to let go of it. I had let it be a huge part of my life - I didn't know how to think or feel without getting numb. That's not living. I'm sure you'll learn to be happy about this great decision you've made. We're all here for you - you can do this.

TodayisGood

I think you'll like being sober as a life style. For me after 3 months of no drinking, I can say the urges and cravings are fading away. Takes work though, so give it time.

Sazzle

Hi Krissy. I'm like you - a several times a week binge drinker. Can't stop once started. I'm only just starting out on my sober journey so grab my hand and we can do this together.

Comparing yourself to others is not great for the self esteem. Try this mantra when feeling inadequate: "I am enough, I have enough and I will always be enough". It works for me.

Good luck 😇

freshstart57

I remember feeling the same way about cracking that vodka bottle, first of the day. The anticipation was rushing me faster and faster to that drink, the closer I got. After I had made up my mind to quit, I began to understand the part that anticipation plays in the craving phenomenon. The thought, then the anticipation of fulfilling it, and then the craving. What soon happened, though, is that I no longer anticipated having a drink because I knew that I wouldn't drink again. No anticipation, no craving.

Delilah1

Welcome to SR Krissy, this is a great site, and you will find a ton of support. I have found that I wasn't able to do it on my own. I am working with my doctor and seeing a therapist every other week, a few classes through my insurance also. I went to two AA meetings, and the people were very nice and welcoming, it just didn't seem the right fit for me. I really like the Women for Sobriety group. You might want to look at a few alternatives to help you remain sober. I tried many times on my own and was. It successful, this time I have been utilizing every resource and today is 19 days which is my longer sober period since pregnancy. I know I am making healthy choices for myself and for my kids.

Keep reading and posting!!!