sponsor fired me...struggling need feedback
 

Five months sober. My sponsor fired me today for not following enough suggestions. I have also been a little sharp with her but always apologized quickly. I am totally devastated. Went to a meeting and wept. Feel like such a looser. Really valued her work with me. Followed many suggestions... Wanting to drink so much tonight. Hurricane here will make getting to meetings a little tough. My network is small.

It sounds like you and your sponsor weren't a good fit.

I think you'll have better luck with someone new.

Keep going to meetings, use your numbers & look for another sponsor.

Best of luck, we are supposed to get the storm here too hope you stay safe and dry!

Thanks for your thoughts. Much appreciated

I'm just curious...Do you know what the suggestions she said you weren't following are?

I am jumping to conclusions, she just seems a little head strong, I don't have a sponsor yet so I'm not familiar with the relationship but I think it's better to be more comfortable, want to work with someone and not constantly have someone say my way or the highway

many people go through several sponsors so don't feel bad. it may sting like rejection but try to view it as a relationship that no longer worked out. that sponsor got you as far as she could. now it's time to look for another one to continue with. perhaps a new relationship with a new sponsor will even bring you to a deeper relationship with yourself and your sobriety. view this as a new opportunity being opened up to you. your journey isn't ending. be safe during the storm.

Rewiring,
How many things you followed makes little difference if the things you won't do are setting you up for a relapse. I have little patience with procrastinators in my real world life anymore. In counseling we had to learn not to work harder than the client. Because they had to do it for themselves. We could not do it for them and have it work. Do find another sponsor, see what you can make happen.

Thank you. That is a refreshing view. I won't give up.

Don't let some other recovering alcoholic spin you into a relapse.
This is one of the most dangerous and detrimental things in aa in my humble opinion.
This person was supposed to guide and help you in the goal of recovery. Sounds like they sucked at it FOR YOU.
Meh. Get another one, or not. Just don't drink. And consider the source. It was another broken person with a disease, like all of us. Not some saint.

I had been making one meeting per day... doing any step work assigned. calling every day... The big issue was my wanting to get into a relationship with someone I had big feelings for and she said no way. Challenged her one too many times on this...

Thanks for your reply. have been working really hard... sometimes make 2 meetings per day... do all assignments... make phone calls ( could make more) Just too challenging of her... about my struggle with wanting to have a relationship. Got booted..

At five months emotional entanglements, whether in AA or not, are frowned upon because if they go South, so does the sobriety a lot of the time. I can't say one way or the other having been married the whole time. Only you can make that decision. Choose carefully as if your life depends on it. Because it does.

It's funny when sponsors get mad when they don't have total control, or feel like they don't. Ive never responded well to someone else who has wrecked their life just as bad as me telling me there is one true way to do something. Sounds like they have some steps of their own to work on.
I drank over a bad sponsor. It took a long time and a lot of reflection to see that he was struggling and messed up and trying to do something he probably had no business doing with me.

I don't know about five months. Seems pretty early, but I don't know you. I married my wife after over a year, but went back to drinking anyways.
A lot of people blame relapsing on a relationship going south. How many people meet someone great that supports their recovery? There's gotta be a lot of those too.

Thanks DoubleBarrel; I guess she is only human. I know she does not want to hurt me. Sad because she has helped me so much up to now. but looks like I will have to find a new sponsor eventually

Suggestions means "An idea or plan put forward for consideration" and not ordering. Probably the best thing your sponsor have done with firing you. Find someone else or do it with out a sponsor.

Hey,

It sucks your sponsor reacted this way. Not all of them are the same. I get 'suggestions'. If I don't follow them thats my lookout but I know damn well I should be following them because when I don't I end up in all types of turmoil. The general consensus on relationships in early recovery is just 'no'. I didn't follow my sponsors suggestion to stay single the first time round, ended up getting engaged and breaking up and relapsing several times. That was a suggestion, this time around it's just a plain old no. Sometimes the suggestions are worth listening too. In hindsight I should have listened the first time around. But then sometimes if you have a major disagreement on something you feel is unfair you are probably best off talking to some other people about it and then changing your sponsor.

You probably should have put this in the 12 steps forum...You tend to get a lot of advice from people that don't use AA or don't even know what it is. My sponsor suggested no new relationships for the first year if possible...He also recommended no major changes...Switching jobs...and stuff like that. I was putting my life in this guys hands and he was giving me his time freely....I just wanted to get through the steps...So I listened to what he suggested.
There are no rules in AA...You can do it however you want to...Or not do it at all...The doors are always open both ways...In my 16 months of sobriety...I've seen romance and finance lead to nothing but problems and relapse for many new people....I guess that's the reason they suggest those things...Maybe they have wasted their time in the past on people that wanted to do things their way....I hope I don't sound harsh....I just take this life and deathly serious...Because for me it was.
One thing that concerns me...You mentioned you were doing what step work that was assigned....I just studied the book and followed the directions in the first 103 pages...And used my sponsor to guide me or assist me when needed...(5th step...Suggestions on 9th step amends)....I did the work....No assignments necessary. I wish you the best with what you are doing...And I hope it works for you.

Sponsors all different, do things very differently.

The relationship thing- they do frown on that in the first year. Be careful, if it doesn't work out you could find yourself wanting to drink and also you might wind up putting a lot more energy into that than in your recovery, which should be paramount.

Important for you to put this event behind you, it is distracting from your purpose of not drinking now or ever. Congrats on your sobriety, you are doing great. Keep focused on that and on building your confidence in your sobriety decision.

If you are seeking a new sponsor, I hope you find one who fits with you, but I think, ultimately, you have to be true to yourself. I made a major geographic move in the first week of my recovery and it was the best thing I could have done for myself.