sponsor fired me...struggling need feedback
I agree with Sapling that you might get more helpful answers on the 12 step forum--sponsorship is only an issue with 12 step programs.
I also agree with Anna that ultimately you do have to be true to yourself, and if you do decide to get another sponsor perhaps you'd be better off with one who recognizes this.
I also agree with Anna that ultimately you do have to be true to yourself, and if you do decide to get another sponsor perhaps you'd be better off with one who recognizes this.
I got in a relationship against the advice of many after 6 months.
It failed spectacularly and I was a mess afterward.
I don't like the word "fired".
She didn't fire you. She sounds like she is very fond of you but could not be a spectator as you took a huge risk with your sobriety. Like watching a car-crash and being helpless.
As someone mentioned, she is also an alcoholic and probably knows it would be too much for her to continue as your sponsor.
All I can say is this, you are 5 months sober now and this spat with your sponsor is making you shaky, if you fall madly, deeply in love and it all goes south, can you say you won't be vulnerable to drinking?
Be patient. You can just be kind of excited that someone likes you now. You can have that warm feeling of being "liked". Just don't go for it today. Give yourself a chance. Work on yourself. Get strong. There will be cuties out there and maybe the cutie you are interested in too.
If your "intended" is in the program for a longer period, he should be keeping his distance. He should have the sense to know that 5 months sober is too early for a relationship and if he is absolutely mad about you, can show it by letting you alone right now.
It failed spectacularly and I was a mess afterward.
I don't like the word "fired".
She didn't fire you. She sounds like she is very fond of you but could not be a spectator as you took a huge risk with your sobriety. Like watching a car-crash and being helpless.
As someone mentioned, she is also an alcoholic and probably knows it would be too much for her to continue as your sponsor.
All I can say is this, you are 5 months sober now and this spat with your sponsor is making you shaky, if you fall madly, deeply in love and it all goes south, can you say you won't be vulnerable to drinking?
Be patient. You can just be kind of excited that someone likes you now. You can have that warm feeling of being "liked". Just don't go for it today. Give yourself a chance. Work on yourself. Get strong. There will be cuties out there and maybe the cutie you are interested in too.
If your "intended" is in the program for a longer period, he should be keeping his distance. He should have the sense to know that 5 months sober is too early for a relationship and if he is absolutely mad about you, can show it by letting you alone right now.
It was recommended to me that I should get a house plant for six months and if was still alive I could get a gold fish for another 6. If I could maintain those two relatioships I may be ready for a human
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
As long as your praying , going to meetings, and helping another. Your on the right path.
Your god is just doing what it needs to. So let that sponsor go, and get another one ASAP. And dont stop your progress.
As for the relationship , I will agree with almost everyone. Dont do it. Its far to early in your recovery !!!!!!
And a question why are you just now celebrating 90 days when you started by saying you have 5 months ?
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Your god is just doing what it needs to. So let that sponsor go, and get another one ASAP. And dont stop your progress.
As for the relationship , I will agree with almost everyone. Dont do it. Its far to early in your recovery !!!!!!
And a question why are you just now celebrating 90 days when you started by saying you have 5 months ?
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
I have had a couple of sponsers. I don't know. I am not exactly sure what their role is. Are they mentors? They aren't exactly friends. They are more like parents I guess. They aren't professional therapists. Maybe some are. I have not met one who is. There are thousands of them out there so finding a compatible one can't be impossible. Sorry you got "fired". You will get 'hired" again I'm sure.
Last edited by escapist; 10-29-2012 at 07:35 AM. Reason: sp.
i am one who didnt take the advise of not getting into a relationship in the 1st year. i only attracted someone as sick as me. it was a very valuable lessont to me that there are some things in life that others have more knowledge about.
however..
i personally would not fire someone for not taking suggestions. that would be my ego getting out of control. i find it better to remember that i had to learn some hard lessons the hard way and so will others.
however..
i personally would not fire someone for not taking suggestions. that would be my ego getting out of control. i find it better to remember that i had to learn some hard lessons the hard way and so will others.
I have had a couple of sponsers. I don't know. I am not exactly sure what their role is. Are they mentors? They aren't exactly friends. They are more like parents I guess. They aren't professional therapists. Maybe some are. I have not met one who is. There are thousands of them out there so finding a compatible one can't be impossible. Sorry you got "fired". You will get 'hired" again I'm sure.
This AA pamphlet might answer some of those questions for you.
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
I had a sponsor that tried to parent me, verbally abusively at that, and I fired her.
Keep your eyes and ears open for a new sponsor at meetings. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be your sponsor.
Keep your eyes and ears open for a new sponsor at meetings. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be your sponsor.
Yes, it's dangerous to form new "relationships" in the first year of recovery. Because too much is at stake. If you're on a high wire over Niagara Falls you don't want to be carrying another person in recovery. Because if that person slips you may never reach the other side. It's very tempting to reach out and seek affection when you're feeling so bad. But maybe it's well to focus on just how dangerous the situation is. You're on a high wire and you may make it if you focus on getting through this, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
W.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Getting there
Posts: 216
Five months sober. My sponsor fired me today for not following enough suggestions. I have also been a little sharp with her but always apologized quickly. I am totally devastated. Went to a meeting and wept. Feel like such a looser. Really valued her work with me. Followed many suggestions... Wanting to drink so much tonight. Hurricane here will make getting to meetings a little tough. My network is small.
Dejvice, are you in AA?
This is not generally suggested and really, especially since it doesn't generally work well, why sponsor yourself when there are people available? Why try to do something alone when there are people that want to help? That's the point. WE recover together.
This is not generally suggested and really, especially since it doesn't generally work well, why sponsor yourself when there are people available? Why try to do something alone when there are people that want to help? That's the point. WE recover together.
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