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sponsor fired me...struggling need feedback

Old 10-29-2012, 05:44 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I agree with Sapling that you might get more helpful answers on the 12 step forum--sponsorship is only an issue with 12 step programs.

I also agree with Anna that ultimately you do have to be true to yourself, and if you do decide to get another sponsor perhaps you'd be better off with one who recognizes this.
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Old 10-29-2012, 06:29 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I appreciate your feedback. Will post on the 12 step forum.
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Old 10-29-2012, 06:47 AM
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I got in a relationship against the advice of many after 6 months.
It failed spectacularly and I was a mess afterward.
I don't like the word "fired".
She didn't fire you. She sounds like she is very fond of you but could not be a spectator as you took a huge risk with your sobriety. Like watching a car-crash and being helpless.
As someone mentioned, she is also an alcoholic and probably knows it would be too much for her to continue as your sponsor.
All I can say is this, you are 5 months sober now and this spat with your sponsor is making you shaky, if you fall madly, deeply in love and it all goes south, can you say you won't be vulnerable to drinking?

Be patient. You can just be kind of excited that someone likes you now. You can have that warm feeling of being "liked". Just don't go for it today. Give yourself a chance. Work on yourself. Get strong. There will be cuties out there and maybe the cutie you are interested in too.

If your "intended" is in the program for a longer period, he should be keeping his distance. He should have the sense to know that 5 months sober is too early for a relationship and if he is absolutely mad about you, can show it by letting you alone right now.
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Old 10-29-2012, 07:16 AM
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It was recommended to me that I should get a house plant for six months and if was still alive I could get a gold fish for another 6. If I could maintain those two relatioships I may be ready for a human
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Old 10-29-2012, 07:25 AM
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As long as your praying , going to meetings, and helping another. Your on the right path.

Your god is just doing what it needs to. So let that sponsor go, and get another one ASAP. And dont stop your progress.

As for the relationship , I will agree with almost everyone. Dont do it. Its far to early in your recovery !!!!!!

And a question why are you just now celebrating 90 days when you started by saying you have 5 months ?
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Old 10-29-2012, 07:34 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I have had a couple of sponsers. I don't know. I am not exactly sure what their role is. Are they mentors? They aren't exactly friends. They are more like parents I guess. They aren't professional therapists. Maybe some are. I have not met one who is. There are thousands of them out there so finding a compatible one can't be impossible. Sorry you got "fired". You will get 'hired" again I'm sure.

Last edited by escapist; 10-29-2012 at 07:35 AM. Reason: sp.
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Old 10-29-2012, 08:22 AM
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thank you for taking the time to reply. I think I know it all that is a big problem. having a big wake up call.
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Old 10-29-2012, 09:11 AM
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i am one who didnt take the advise of not getting into a relationship in the 1st year. i only attracted someone as sick as me. it was a very valuable lessont to me that there are some things in life that others have more knowledge about.
however..
i personally would not fire someone for not taking suggestions. that would be my ego getting out of control. i find it better to remember that i had to learn some hard lessons the hard way and so will others.
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Old 10-29-2012, 09:29 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by escapist View Post
I have had a couple of sponsers. I don't know. I am not exactly sure what their role is. Are they mentors? They aren't exactly friends. They are more like parents I guess. They aren't professional therapists. Maybe some are. I have not met one who is. There are thousands of them out there so finding a compatible one can't be impossible. Sorry you got "fired". You will get 'hired" again I'm sure.
A sponsors role is to help someone through the steps. That's it. Not parents for sure.

This AA pamphlet might answer some of those questions for you.
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf
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Old 10-29-2012, 11:07 AM
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I had a sponsor that tried to parent me, verbally abusively at that, and I fired her.

Keep your eyes and ears open for a new sponsor at meetings. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be your sponsor.
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Old 10-29-2012, 12:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Elisabeth888 View Post
I had a sponsor that tried to parent me, verbally abusively at that, and I fired her.

Keep your eyes and ears open for a new sponsor at meetings. Maybe she just wasn't meant to be your sponsor.
This seems to me like good advice. A sponsor is not your parent and you shouldn't feel like he or she has the power to tell you that you can't go out and play in the yard. I don't know about other folks but, as an alcoholic, I tended to be immature, dependent and childlike. Also obsessive, compulsive and impatient. So I looked to others as a way of trying to control my own behavior. This didn't work at all. I had to learn to grow up and, while seeking the advice and insight of others, come to realize that I was the one who had to do it and do it for myself. If someone who acted as my sponsor walked out on me then my job was to make sure that it didn't derail my recovery.
Yes, it's dangerous to form new "relationships" in the first year of recovery. Because too much is at stake. If you're on a high wire over Niagara Falls you don't want to be carrying another person in recovery. Because if that person slips you may never reach the other side. It's very tempting to reach out and seek affection when you're feeling so bad. But maybe it's well to focus on just how dangerous the situation is. You're on a high wire and you may make it if you focus on getting through this, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

W.
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Old 10-30-2012, 01:03 PM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by REWIRING View Post
Five months sober. My sponsor fired me today for not following enough suggestions. I have also been a little sharp with her but always apologized quickly. I am totally devastated. Went to a meeting and wept. Feel like such a looser. Really valued her work with me. Followed many suggestions... Wanting to drink so much tonight. Hurricane here will make getting to meetings a little tough. My network is small.
Not being flippant with my remark but why not 'sponsor' yourself, after 5 months sober I am sure you can do it.....keep going and show us you can do it. All bad experiences in the end make us much more stronger.
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Old 10-31-2012, 09:04 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
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Dejvice, are you in AA?

This is not generally suggested and really, especially since it doesn't generally work well, why sponsor yourself when there are people available? Why try to do something alone when there are people that want to help? That's the point. WE recover together.
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