Differently
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Melbourne VIC
Posts: 94
Differently
Hi everyone!
I'm a 25 year old female binge drinker and I'm new here. I've binge drank since I was 17 and while in the past few years it has calmed down, I have still had situations in the past year where I get wasted, behave badly, spill secrets I would NEVER tell when I'm sober, send long strings of text messages I can't remember sending and generally make myself feel like crap. I have been reading some posts over the last few months since deciding to quit alcohol and knowing other people are going through the same things I am is very reassuring.
It was 12 weeks this past weekend since I had my last messy, embarrassing, alcohol-fueled saturday night and while it feels fantastic I constantly worry I am going to mess up and fall back into the habit. I was offered a glass of wine my partners mother poured and brought out for me yesterday and I very nearly took it just to save the awkwardness of reminding her I don't drink anymore. I ended up saying no I don't drink anymore but it was close!
I am also finding other people seem to have more of a problem with me not drinking than I do myself, they don't seem to understand at all why anyone would want to do it?! I'm just wondering if and when anyone else finds themselves facing these situations, how you have successfully handled them?
I'm a 25 year old female binge drinker and I'm new here. I've binge drank since I was 17 and while in the past few years it has calmed down, I have still had situations in the past year where I get wasted, behave badly, spill secrets I would NEVER tell when I'm sober, send long strings of text messages I can't remember sending and generally make myself feel like crap. I have been reading some posts over the last few months since deciding to quit alcohol and knowing other people are going through the same things I am is very reassuring.
It was 12 weeks this past weekend since I had my last messy, embarrassing, alcohol-fueled saturday night and while it feels fantastic I constantly worry I am going to mess up and fall back into the habit. I was offered a glass of wine my partners mother poured and brought out for me yesterday and I very nearly took it just to save the awkwardness of reminding her I don't drink anymore. I ended up saying no I don't drink anymore but it was close!
I am also finding other people seem to have more of a problem with me not drinking than I do myself, they don't seem to understand at all why anyone would want to do it?! I'm just wondering if and when anyone else finds themselves facing these situations, how you have successfully handled them?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,424
Hi JungleGirl - welcome 
I did a few things in early recovery.
I cut some people out of my life - those people who would not accept I stopped drinking, and I surrounded myself with supportive people - those people who even tho they might not understand why I was not drinking, they supported me anyway.
I also had to learn that no thanks is complete sentence. When I first quit I tied myself in knots with explanations - but it really wasn't necessary.
No thanks I don't drink or I'm not drinking is all anyone really needs to know.
They may want to know more - and we may feel as if we want to tell them - but it's not necessary.
I spent years people pleasing, but I eventually accepted my problem with alcohol...and I know where that one glass of wine offered to me out of politeness will lead me.
It's right to decline and it's good you did, I think
D
I did a few things in early recovery.
I cut some people out of my life - those people who would not accept I stopped drinking, and I surrounded myself with supportive people - those people who even tho they might not understand why I was not drinking, they supported me anyway.
I also had to learn that no thanks is complete sentence. When I first quit I tied myself in knots with explanations - but it really wasn't necessary.
No thanks I don't drink or I'm not drinking is all anyone really needs to know.
They may want to know more - and we may feel as if we want to tell them - but it's not necessary.
I spent years people pleasing, but I eventually accepted my problem with alcohol...and I know where that one glass of wine offered to me out of politeness will lead me.
It's right to decline and it's good you did, I think
D
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Hi junglgirl. Congrats on 12 weeks. I think you will get lots of good input here. It sounds to me like you are doing quite well to this point though! Some of us might ask you how you do it..LOL. Turning down the wine as you did is really good! It sounds like you also have a healthy respect for the risk of failing back. That is good too. Might just remember to post here or get local face to face help BEFORE you get to that risky point.
Welcome. Keep reading and posting.
Welcome. Keep reading and posting.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
hi JungleGirl! first off, great job on 12 weeks! that's some hard work you've put in!
as far as the situation with your partner's mother, i wouldn't worry about the awkwardness of the situation. you don't have to remind people in so many words that you don't drink. just a simple, quick no thanks will suffice. if they forgot, it's fine! if they get flustered that they've forgotten, just let them know that it's not a big deal and move on. if you don't make a big deal about it, most likely they won't.
again, with other people questioning my decision, all my friends know why and understand because i was a fall down drunk. i see how your situation is different, of course. again, i'd just stick to downplaying it and just letting people know that you felt that your drinking was playing a detrimental role in your life so you nipped it in the bud. no big deal. if it blows their mind, perhaps that says something about their priorities in life. then again, there are many people who have not been effected by alcohol in their lives and can't comprehend what we go through. they haven't suffered through what we have or seen a loved one suffer through it so it's totally foreign to them.
as far as the situation with your partner's mother, i wouldn't worry about the awkwardness of the situation. you don't have to remind people in so many words that you don't drink. just a simple, quick no thanks will suffice. if they forgot, it's fine! if they get flustered that they've forgotten, just let them know that it's not a big deal and move on. if you don't make a big deal about it, most likely they won't.
again, with other people questioning my decision, all my friends know why and understand because i was a fall down drunk. i see how your situation is different, of course. again, i'd just stick to downplaying it and just letting people know that you felt that your drinking was playing a detrimental role in your life so you nipped it in the bud. no big deal. if it blows their mind, perhaps that says something about their priorities in life. then again, there are many people who have not been effected by alcohol in their lives and can't comprehend what we go through. they haven't suffered through what we have or seen a loved one suffer through it so it's totally foreign to them.
Clear Eyes Full Heart
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,272
Congrats on 12 weeks, you are doing awesome!
I say things like "I'm on a health kick" or "It was beating me up and I need a break" or "I'm exhausted and needed a break" etc. I don't volunteer a ton of info, just enough to make the conversation move on to a new topic. I've noticed it's the people who have their own issues with drinking that are affected the most by my not drinking. It's ironic, when I was drinking and someone quit I would always applaud them-I never was in denial that I should be right there with them. When I quit the drinkers encourage me to start again. Oy!
I say things like "I'm on a health kick" or "It was beating me up and I need a break" or "I'm exhausted and needed a break" etc. I don't volunteer a ton of info, just enough to make the conversation move on to a new topic. I've noticed it's the people who have their own issues with drinking that are affected the most by my not drinking. It's ironic, when I was drinking and someone quit I would always applaud them-I never was in denial that I should be right there with them. When I quit the drinkers encourage me to start again. Oy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Melbourne VIC
Posts: 94
Thank you for your kind comments I've definitely felt like I need to offer a detailed explanation when people ask me why I'm not drinking (apart from those who have witnessed the craziness firsthand
your right though, a short simple answer is more than sufficient.
Haha Happier I was fed up with apologising and that bottom pit sick feeling when remembering/being told what had happened the night before! And like your namesake, I figured I would be far happier taking the risk and giving up, turns out I am
I've definitely felt like I need to offer a detailed explanation when people ask me why I'm not drinking (apart from those who have witnessed the craziness firsthand your right though, a short simple answer is more than sufficient. Haha Happier
I was fed up with apologising and that bottom pit sick feeling when remembering/being told what had happened the night before! And like your namesake, I figured I would be far happier taking the risk and giving up, turns out I am Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Hey Junglegirl,
I kinda echo what Dee has said. I had to remove certain people from my life. You find out who your true friends are when you get sober/clean. The true ones stick around and the others just slip away. Weirdly I haven't really been asked why I don't drink all that much but when I am asked I just say 'doctors orders'. I suppose it's not a secret in my town that I used to be a party animal and I just say I went too hard for a while and I can't do it anymore and it put me off drinking completely.
I kinda echo what Dee has said. I had to remove certain people from my life. You find out who your true friends are when you get sober/clean. The true ones stick around and the others just slip away. Weirdly I haven't really been asked why I don't drink all that much but when I am asked I just say 'doctors orders'. I suppose it's not a secret in my town that I used to be a party animal and I just say I went too hard for a while and I can't do it anymore and it put me off drinking completely.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by JungleGirl 
It was 12 weeks this past weekend since I had my last messy, embarrassing, alcohol-fueled saturday night and while it feels fantastic I constantly worry I am going to mess up and fall back into the habit. I was offered a glass of wine my partners mother poured and brought out for me yesterday and I very nearly took it just to save the awkwardness of reminding her I don't drink anymore. I ended up saying no I don't drink anymore but it was close!
I am also finding other people seem to have more of a problem with me not drinking than I do myself, they don't seem to understand at all why anyone would want to do it?! I'm just wondering if and when anyone else finds themselves facing these situations, how you have successfully handled them?
I am also finding other people seem to have more of a problem with me not drinking than I do myself, they don't seem to understand at all why anyone would want to do it?! I'm just wondering if and when anyone else finds themselves facing these situations, how you have successfully handled them?
I was definitely one of those who struggled with explanations to other people, but what I have noticed is that my feelings on that have changed a lot with time. It gets easier, trust me.
There is no way I can control how people will react to me saying I don't drink. Most new people I meet don't seem to care, old friends occasionally accuse me of being boring, many seem genuinely puzzled, and a few react very defensively and attack my none drinking stance. They're generally the alcoholics
A few people have been impressed and even proud of me, even though they don't know the reasons why I quit.I went from responding to people by being evasive, making up random excuses (losing weight), to joking and involving people in debates about why exactly I 'should' be drinking, to finally just ignoring it and actually not being bothered what people say. That is a massive change for me. If someone asked me why I wasn't drinking 6 months ago I would be inclined to burst into tears or just scurry away.
What helped me was limiting my contact with 'normal' drinkers and my usual drinking friends and making sure I had plenty of contact with other alcoholics. AA, SR, SMART, whatever helps. It is all too easy to think that you have to drink when you're around other drinkers, but you really don't. I suspect that you will find it easier in time but it is so easy to forget or argue with our decision to quit (AVRT stops that one for me). Hopefully you will find the support here you need to make you more comfortable being a non drinker
But in the mean time, just concentrate on yourself rather than trying to justify your decision to not drink to other people... it's an adjustment for them too but how you feel about it is more important right now x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Melbourne VIC
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by hypochondriac
There is no way I can control how people will react to me saying I don't drink. Most new people I meet don't seem to care, old friends occasionally accuse me of being boring, many seem genuinely puzzled, and a few react very defensively and attack my none drinking stance. They're generally the alcoholics A few people have been impressed and even proud of me, even though they don't know the reasons why I quit.
A few people have been impressed and even proud of me, even though they don't know the reasons why I quit. Thanks for your encouragement
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