Natom

For the whole of today I've just been feeling really lonely. I am in the house with my family but I just don't feel right. I feel like I need a hug, from someone. I just need someone else here. As much as I love my family I feel that it has to be someone other than them. For some reason my best friend isn't really talking to me all that much at the moment and I haven't seen her for over two weeks. We normally meet at least once a week after I have been to a meeting near her. So I'm kinda just here thinking that essentially nobody likes me. Of course I know that's what my head is saying and it's not the truth because I do have friends. It's just sometimes I just feel the need for human intimacy and well hugs really.

Hollyanne

I love you Natom!!!!
Big giant squishy annoying sloppy hugs to you!

MycoolFitz

Yea i dig it I drank everyone away. Loneliness is a big issue for me but I do think I flt lonier with family around than nobody. Well life is a journey even when we do not know where it will lead us

Thepatman

If you don't mind men hugs, here's one! ;-)
I know the feeling, I'm single and it's one thing I find difficult. Just the simple human touch.
I need a girlfriend bad! LOL!

zanzibar

Big hugs to you tom.
And you should feel special cause I don't hug many guys. LOL

Hollyanne

More hugs!

Natom

One admires the effort you are making Hollyanne. One gold star for you. Could you sweeten the deal by saying 33 & a 1/3 please?

misterritter

Hi Natom,

I have been reading your posts for weeks now, and have envied your positive take on things and the help and positivity (maybe not really a word but I am ok with that) you always respond to other peoples posts with.

It is good to see that we are all human and have need and wants that may or may not be fulfilled.

Reading your post gives me the courage to post something I felt the urge to post earlier today but decided against. I was on the way to the liquor store to buy enough to get trashed tonight and felt that though I had every intention to carry through with it that I should post here about my imminent failure. I thought I would just come back and post after I was done because everything I could come up with sounded like I was about to kill myself, which was not the case at all.

Funny how that is sort of true but not true at all. So, here I am, I haven't had anything to drink in over 3 weeks until now. I bought a pint of Jack, a bottle of wine, and a large beer. And I am well into drinking them all and don't intend to stop tonight.

I didn't start this bender with the intention that it would fix anything,but because I couldn't stand the thought of being alone with myself over the next couple of day. Huricane sandy is headed my way, and school is cancelled monday and I have no classes on tuesday, so no real responsibilities for the next couple of days.

I was driving home about to stop and get gas and buy that beer as I began to think about how I could not face myself for the next couple of days and had to think about something else so I could go into the store without crying my eyes out. And then I got home with free reign to cry and feel as much as I wanted and I headed straight for that beer.

Well,I know I have been building up to this for a while now, so here it is.

Good luck to the rest of the october class, hope you do better than me.....

Hollyanne

You mean...
Turty tree and a turd?
Sure, sweety!

Natom

Mister, we all have bad days. It sounded like you started drinking because you know you could. We can't use things as an excuse to drink or use drugs. We have to begin to face what life throws at us without resorting for our crutch on reality. I say that with the most sincere compassion I can but I hope you wake up feeling like s*it tomorrow and then decide what you did was the time you did it for the last time. I don't know if you believe in God or higher powers but I will pray for you.

MycoolFitz

Yea i mentioned last week rolled over to hold my wife and fell out of bed.

Natom

You mentioned intimacy and fell out of bed? My version of intimacy is waiting until they are asleep until I call the taxi....I am ruthless. I do want a nice girl though, just can't find any round my ends.

Hollyanne

Just lost my post, I think Natom said it for me.
You planned it Mrritter,
I think you should have probably bought cake, but hey, whatever.
We'll be here when you are done.
Dang it! 3 weeks was good too.

My friend blew 2 years on Friday night and the cops brought her home to her baby.
Good times.

Jeni26

Natom, we both live in the same part of England... You could practically feel one of my hugs xxx

Natom

Instead of buying alcohol, buy cake. The cause and solution to, all of lifes problems.

Natom

Where abouts are you Jeni? Message me. x

misterritter

I don't believe in god, but I appreciate you prayers.

and you are correct, I did this because I could, and I too hope I wake up tomorrow and decide this is the last time. and i think i admitted as much that this is a crutch. i couldn't take or wouldn't take the next day or two without drinking. at the same time i am so proud of myself and totally disgusted with myself that I don't know where to go next. I do, actually, it will be to stop drinking and get on with life, just not tonight.

I look forward to reading more of your posts and I admire what you have been able to accomplish.

Natom

You need to back up your words with actions mate. I wouldn't normally do this but seeing as you have already started just continue getting wasted tonight, and then in the morning get yourself to a bloody AA meeting or a drug and alcohol service near you, and then message me and tell me how it went.

misterritter

Sorry to hear about your friend. That illustrates something about me. I would never give up sobriety if there was something to lose besides myself. That makes me hold back tears to see how little I value myself, but that is where I am at.
I guess it says something about me that I plan it out to minimize the bad.

ok i am done until I can come back sober again.

Thanks to all who have tried to help. I hope to return the favor someday.

MycoolFitz

lonely is tuff. visited a homeless camp today. Gave out pies and brought my laptop, the dudes went nuts, also my cell phone. It was like Christmas. We were laughing our heads off bur some of us don't have much head.