Lostitall22

My name is caleb! i am 23 yrs old. i have been in and out of recovery for the last 7 years, mostly out! i started off when by smoking weed which at the time i thought was no big deal. i smoked every day from my 8th grade summer until my junior year. not once trying anything else. my junior year of high school i decided to quit because of football. it honestly was not a problem for me to stop. then my senior year, our 1st scrimmage i dislocated my shoulder. so i go to the dr and he gives me some pain pills! no big deal to me at this time. i was out for 2 weeks and then playing again. three games later i am carried off the field with a blown out knee. 2 knee surgeries later, i have come to realize that if i take 2 pills instead of 1 i would get high! the day i did that is the day that changed my life. 4 months later i dropped out of high school because i had gotten to where if i didnt have pain pills i wouldnt go to school. that summer is my first time to go to treatment. i went to treatment and did great! i got out and went back to school! i graduated that year still clean! anyways, the reason why i am even on this site is because i searched "drugs have ruined my life"! as i sit here tonight, i have been to treatment thirteen times. i have have lost my house, car, job, phone, friends, family, sanity, and now the 2 things i truly valued. my fiance and my 6 month old son! i have had short periods of sobriety but nothing as long as the first time. i go to treatment with honest to god every intention in the world to never do it again! i have gone from just pills to pills+coke, pills+meth, then to shooting up heroin! then, to shooting up heroin+coke, heroin+crack, heroin+meth! i have been going to see a dr to get medicine for withdrawals for 9 months now. 3 months into it i figure out you can break that down and shoot that up. so of course i had to do that too! i have been doing that ever since! when i went to the dr 9 months ago i stopped everything. i got an amazing job! i got a house and everything i had lost before! i found out about shooting up the medicine about 2 weeks before my son was born. i promised myself i would stop the day he was born. didnt happen! i have tried to stop so many times now! 2 months ago at work i was talking to a guy who come to find out smokes meth! imagine that!! lol i was off to the races again! first smoking it, then shooting it! i have done heroin a few times since then as well! 2 months later (today) i have nothing! once again i lost it all!! i called my dad earlier (off of my fiance's phone) and asked if i could stay the night because if not i would be on the streets and he said yes. so i got to watch my fiance, my son and my whole world drive away from me today! i honestly feel helpless and hopeless! i feel like i have tried EVERYTHING to stop but i cant! i hope that this post does not offend anyone or discourage anyone! i am just hoping that maybe i can get some advice or if nothing else i got it off my chest for a second. thank you to anyone who has taken the time to read it and i wish everyone nothing but the best!
Thank you,
Caleb

Natom

Hey Caleb,

It sounds like you have been through a really rough time and have experienced cross-addiction with many different drug types. Only you can decide if you have hit a rock bottom but it sounds to me as if you have had enough of what you are doing and you really want to change this time. I imagine you have feelings of complacency regarding going back into treatment as you have tried and failed before but a change in your state of mind is something that can provide us with more motivation and willpower than we think. Maybe you should try and seek all of the options that are available to you at this moment in time. If you feel comfortable perhaps speak to your family about it and let them know of your intentions to get help.

This site is really handy and is full of experience, information and support. I tend to spend my time here in between Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I can't really give you much advice. I can say that you got yourself signed upto this forum, which is a start. It may even be the beginning of you deciding to kick everything once and for all. Only you, and time will be the test of that. I wish you the best of luck this time around Caleb. Stay safe, and if you are still using try to cut down on your using if that is at all possible. If you feel ill or ever feel like you are withdrawing then please go and see a medical professional.

Natom.

Rosiepetal

Hi, when I lost everything to meth I decided that I needed to call on all the support I could get. Unfortunately I didn't know about SR then but glad that you have found it as it is fantastic for support & information. I called freephone drug lines & got loads of info, I admitted to at least 2 friends I had a problem & I rang the hospital & checked myself into the beginiing of rehab. Haven't touched it in 6 years now & won't either.
We are all here for you.

SeekSobriety

If you are willing to go to any lengths to get sober, I can honestly say if you contact Narcotics anonymous, find a local meeting, arrive early, stay late, introduce yourself to the meeting secretary and speaker, ask for them to help you find a sponsor, follow advice from those who have stayed sober, and repeat everyday, you should have a decent chance at getting and staying sober one day at a time. This worked for me and so many others who I know.

The Greater New York Region of NA
call any of these numbers here for support (even if you are out of state)

Narcotics Anonymous Phone Numbers in California

if you are in crisis and need someone to talk to you can always call the crisis line(not affiliated with NA) at 1-800-273-8255

Itchy

I hope you do whatever it takes to come back! You deserve to be you. That meant in a good way.

Delilah1

Caleb,

You can do this, you have so much to gain by getting your sobriety back. I am sure you are doubting treatment since you have not found success with it in the past, but I agree with Natom about your state of mind.

You are still so young and have a son who will need his dad around as he grows up. Keep reading and posting.

Sending positive thoughts and hugs!

Dee74

Hi and welcome lostitall
There's some great advice here - I hope you'll think about some of the suggestions being made.

I hope you'll stick around too - there's a lot of support here - SR really helped me turn around my life...I know you could do the same

D