chickonabike

Okie dokie!

History: I had a very bad bicycle accident about a year and a half ago and started drinking VERY heavily. I knew I needed help. So I detoxed a while ago and had a seizure at a alcohol/drug treatment center. I relapsed and had another seizure about 2 months later. I've been attending groups and I just "graduated" from an intensive outpatient program but was drinking off and on during that program. I did tell the group leader about what was going on and I've been honest with many people in my life (husband, mom&dad, therapist, a friend at work & my sponsor in AA) but I still feel lost. I have been feeling the pressure of getting an A+ at this program, but that pressure made me crack and numb those feelings by drinking. (That's another post - haha!) At least I have anti-seizure medicine for when I quit tomorrow I won't have a seizure. Seizures are freaky.

I'm tired mentally.

I know that everyone has their own ways of maintaining sobriety, or at least getting through the first days (again - ugh) so I would really appreciate any input. I just hate that I relapsed and kept drinking afterwards even though I was lying to my group members about my sobriety date.

My husband kindly asked me this evening "So, today is the day?" after attending my graduation and I said "Yes" because I want sobriety bad. But thinking about the void that wants to be filled is overwhelming. I have so much to catch up on because my true interests were put by the wayside since I was wasted. I need to exercise a ton to make me feel good but work gets in the way. I have to commute 2-1/2+ hours and work as well. Hmmm... I suppose I just need to set my boundaries.

Anyways thanks for any input and thanks for listening to my ranting!

pipparina

You need to not drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow, or a whole life. Don't worry about the big void you have to fill. Focus on today. How will you stay sober today? What things will you do to take care of your sobriety today.

jennikate

Agree with the above. You will get massively overwhelmed if you try to solve all of your problems at once. Just focus on today and the rest will come.

BTW, I have had multiple alcohol withdrawal seizures and they do suck. I am not sure the meds completely prevent them though. My dr. said they just made the threshold higher. I would make sure I eat every few hours to keep you blood sugar as stable as possible and take extra B vitamins. However, this is in no way intended to be medical advice just some tips.

Orbea

What made you drink after the accident? Hit by car? Lost handling skills on a fast downhill? Depressed about not riding?

Caldus

chickenonabike,

First off, MANY alcoholics suffer from relapses. I have been through two of them myself. The previous two times I tried to quit I only lasted 15 days or so. This time, with the help of AA and a sponsor, I have made it over 60 days now. You may not realize it, but your post is helping other alcoholics like me. It's easy for us to forget about how painful those first few days were when trying to quit. I know it is for me at least. So I need that constant reminder of what will happen if I don't stay with the program and do not take active steps to maintain my sobriety.

I remember my first day sober this time around was just a nightmare. I was terrified, fearful, felt like the world was going to end, etc. It sounds like you want to get sober, so I think programs like AA will welcome you with open arms and will want to help you quit. Keep us updated!

Anna

Yeah, stay focused on the day. You'll be able to get through the coming weeks and months without as much difficulty as you might expect. Get involved in the activities in your life that you used to enjoy. Try keeping a Gratitude Journal.

IndaMiricale

As stated just Just for todayand in this moment..


Two days a alcoholic cant not worry about. Yesterday for even the greatest of gods can not change it..

And tomorrow for its filled with wonder and splendor. But no matter what the sun will rise so let it happen..

ru12

Be kind to yourself today. Your body is going to yet again go through some shocking trauma and it will be uncomfortable, but it will pass, and you will get through it. Try to say in the moment and not to worry about the next hour, day, week, etc.

Lots of people find value in the various programs that are available: be it AA, SMART, Rational Recovery, or some combination. I have found though that recovery is an inside job.

Dee74

welcome back

all anyone can do is live their life one day at a time.
Try not to worry too much about tomorrow.

The main focus of anyone newly quitting should be on not drinking I think.

Find the support that's right for you, whatever that is, and work it 110%...without a strong recovery base everything is in danger anyway.

D

chickonabike

Golly. Thanks everyone for the amazing responses! I am taking them all to heart. And the constant thread of thought that I am hearing is "One day at a time". It's silly that I've heard that so much but never really taken it to heart until now. Thank you.

And for Orbea, I was pacelining down a hill with a bunch of friends and didn't see a pothole in time to avoid it. I ended up flipping over my bike and slid on my face and shoulder for about 150 feet into a mountain side and had another friend run over me (not on purpose of course). I was helicoptered into the closest trauma unit but came out without any broken bones surprisingly. I looked pretty gnarly and even a random girl said to me the other day: "What the **** happened to your face?". Ahhh... sensitivity... I started to drink to numb the feelings of being scared to get back on the bike. I raced a lot as an amateur and wasn't half bad, but the funny thing is that now that I feel comfortable to get back on the bandwagon and train I am drinking to numb the feeling of fear that I won't ever be at the fitness level I was, among other things. But drinking certainly won't help getting me back to race shape. A nutso cycle. Crazy huh?

But again, thank you all for the replies and I am taking them to heart. I love the idea of a gratitude journal and one day at a time. They seem to be very powerful tools that have helped many. I want to join that "many" and also help others that may be in my position in the future.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Chikonbike.

Don't be too hard on yourselft. Your fear is temrporary, do not make it permanent focusing on the fear itself too much. It is not just words I can tell you that from my own experience.

I had somewhat like this about two years ago. I was doing my horseback riding when the horse freaked out and reared up. It bounced back its head and hit me with the back of its head right in my face. Twice. I had a feeling that I was hit with a cobblestone and something was bursting inside my head. I was pretty sure that my nose and some facial bones were broken. I was lucky: no broken bones, not even brain commotion.

I had a huge bruise on my face and spent a week on a sick leave.

When I decided to get back on horse again I was scared to death. I was trambling from head to foot and at the end of the lesson just burst into tears. For a month I did nothing but walking - no trot, no canter. It took me a couple of months to regain my previous form. But I did and even started jumping.

So, I am sure you will be able to get back to you previous fitness form as well. Just concentrate on your sobriety now, and soon you'll catch up.

Take care.

chickonabike

Thanks MidnightBlue for your story. Also, I love your signature!

reggiewayne

There is no graduation from this thing. It's a daily deal.

Have you worked the steps of AA yet? When we do we have a personality change sufficient for recovery. If you have not been through the steps, shut the mind off and just do the work. The obsession will be removed.

Hang in there!

Sapling

Don't drink today....Not only read the Big Book...Do what's in the Big Book with your sponsor....Go to meetings...Lean on the support you have...Both in AA....And here....This program works....And this once helpless...Useless....And hopeless alcoholic is living proof that it does....I'm glad you are here.

Anna

It is a crazy cycle. We use alcohol to cope with something difficult, and then we find we have compounded the problem and now have to deal with alcoholism as well.

My advice is to to do one thing, each day, to help you toward your goals. Making one small change in your day will have a ripple effect in your life.

artsoul

Taking things one day at a time is so important to my sobriety. It's hard to let all that worry go, but when you start feeling overwhelmed, just bring your focus back to what's happening right now.

It gets easier with practice and it really does help. Besides, we can only make changes here and now, even if it's just daring to think a positive thought instead of a negative one.

I like this quote