DisplacedGRITS

i just got back from a fun Halloween party. i really only knew the host (my next door neighbor) and a couple of other people there. so i sat around, drank some alcohol free cider and even managed to mingle. i was offered a beers a few times but turned them down with a simple "i have to be up early tomorrow." i really enjoyed myself. i even managed to crack a few jokes! what a great time! my husband stayed behind since he really did need to catch up on some sleep so this was a totally solo venture. turning down the alcohol wasn't hard but i was a little worried about how i was going to "fit in" without booze. it may have seemed a little hard at first but what it really came down to was me learning to lower my inhibitions a bit on my own. once i learned to lean in and chat i found that i didn't "need" alcohol to fit in. i can do it myself! people like me if i give them a chance to get to know me. what i was anticipating to be a quick 15 minutes of hello and goodbye turned into a good couple of hours of chatting with several people, most of whom were total strangers. most importantly, i enjoyed myself and didn't feel like an outsider looking in. no one seemed to think that it was odd that i wasn't drinking (i was probably the only person without a beer) and best of all, i didn't think it was odd either. i feel so confident right now. not that i didn't drink but that i engaged with people! i talked! i listened! all those things that once seemed so hard to do sober are becoming less so because i'm trying now. i didn't sit back and wait for it to happen. i saw opportunities to mingle so i seized them comfortably and by golly it worked out. no need to drink myself into casualness or be the drunken clown. just another party goer making friendly small talk until i decided to head (not stumble) home. it feels good to come home not worried that i made a fool of myself or feeling that i let anyone down by getting out of hand. i just....feel good. i feel content. i feel happy.

Casmasta

I love it!!!
So happy for you. What a great feeling, right??
*hugs*

olderthanmyage

i am an addict and have been trying to become sober or years with multiple failed attempts. i also have a haloween party tomorrow that i was thinking of skipping because i do not want to drink this weekend but i may go now to test myself as i am becoming more impatient towards becoming sober and taking control of my life. thank you!

DisplacedGRITS

don't go as a test. sobriety isn't about testing yourself. go only if you feel confident about not drinking. i've been solid in my sobriety for a while. just remember that you don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself. alcohol doesn't make you witty or funny. you already are! you just have to release yourself without alcohol doing it for you and take the acceptable social risks alcohol used to let you take. that means talking to strangers, listening for openings in conversations, walking around the groups of people instead of standing off in a corner. sometimes, in our sobriety, we wall ourselves off thinking that we can only be safe if we're alone. when our sobriety is built on a solid foundation, we must start taking those social risks again. it might mean we make a joke that doesn't fly or not get accepted into a group we try to break into but guess what? that happened when we were drinking too! we just remember it now that we're sober. so we also have to remember to be gentle with ourselves and to not give up. i'm not discouraging you from trying to go to the party, i just don't want you to risk your sobriety if you don't feel you can turn down the drink. remember, have a nice excuse planned (getting up early seemed to fly pretty well for me) and stick solid to not drinking. you don't need alcohol to fit in. you're already a great person! good luck!

olderthanmyage

i dont need an excuse to not go i am and have always been good socially and have already told people i may not go cas i need to stop drinking. i dont hide in corners sober or drunk or intoxicated, i do fine in the social atmosphere. however, i do have an addictive personality and it has taken me places i never thought i would be and do not wish to be any longer and have wished this for years. thats why for me i do see this as kind of a test to see if i am serious or not because i know i want to stop i just need to take the next step.

backbeat

What an awesome thread. Thanks Grits. I needed this tonight.

olderthanmyage

and as far as affecting my sobriety it will not because i am not sober i need to become sober. thanks.

DisplacedGRITS

you can make it without the drink, olderthanmyage. booze didn't give you your wonderful personality. it's taken me too long to figure that out, lol! it's taken even longer to believe it.

lilgolden73

Awesome DG!! GLad you had a good night!

Blondie0419

Good for you!!! So exciting! I have a wedding tonight, I feel really confident about not drinking while I'm there but have been a little nervous that I will be uncomfortable or feel out of place not drinking so your post is very encouraging. I hope I have similar things as you to post on Sunday. So proud of you!

Blondie0419

This is excellent! Trying to believe this for myself. Your post is really making me think.

olderthanmyage

thanks i know this i just need to finally do it actions speak louder than words.

freshstart57

This is a great thread, Grits, top to bottom. Thanks!

Sasha4

I think that booze totally takes away your wonderful personality and if you are anything like me makes you a crass, loud, slurring staggering, over emotional mess.

Yes I might be quieter without a drink but I know I can hold better conversations.
I also know when it's time to leave too as I find many people who drink to excess have no concept of out staying their welcome...

You did great girl!
It is so nice when you feel comfortable with yourself and accept who you are and what you can and cannot do and do not have to have a stack of booze to try and make social events more bearable. Whic in an event then makes them miserable.

xxxx

escapist

Beautiful story. You are so encouraging. I am on my second weekend sober. I have'nt gone to a store or anywhere else. Work and home. I have had a lot of headaches. Woke up with one today. I am scared to lose the ground I've gained. How did you know you could go to a party? Is it confidence or self discipline? Just wondering what to look for when someone has arrived at unshakable sobriety. Thanks.

foodie1

Way to go DG!!

IndaMiricale

Good stuff DG