tara8888

I can hardly remember a time when I went out to dinner with my husband and neither of us drank a sip of alcohol (he's not an alchoholic he just quit due to gout issues). But we did tonight. The kids went to a Halloween party for two hours and we had time to go out on the town, just the two of us.

I have been sober 15 days.

This is how it would have happened if I was still drinking: Finish a bottle of wine at home while getting ready and waiting for my husband to come home from work. Have 2 strong drinks at the restaurant, then drag my sober husband to a couple bars, having another 2 or more drinks. Would have picked the kids up, slurring my speech, drunk off my butt, then passed out on the car ride home (my husband driving of course). Then crawled into bed without brushing my teeth or taking out my contacts, leaving my husband to get the kiddos into bed. Then waking up at 2 in the morning with a screaming headache, craving water, trying to remember if I made a fool of myself the night before. Then waking up tomorrow feeling like crap but having to take care of the kids and struggle to act okay, because husband goes to work all day tomorrow. Full of regret and fear and guilt.

This is how it happened: Had fun getting the kids ready in their costumes, took a nice shower myself, and cleaned up the house a bit. Had a nice dinner with husband, then sat in front of the fire at Starbucks with a decaf pumpkin spice latte. Then picked the kids up a little early, got them a snack at home, got them nicely to bed, now watching my favorite shows on DVR. Husband was so tired he went to bed early and I have some nice quiet time to relax.

HOWEVER, and this is the point of the post, sorry it's so long!: It was really weird not drinking. I didn't really know how to fill the 2 hours. It was really unusual to go out to eat and not drink, and "go out on the town" but not go to any bars. Both of us decided it would feel too odd to go into a bar and play pool or whatnot and only order sodas. I'm a SAHM and usually am so desperate for time away from my kids (because it never happens!) but I found myself missing them and just wanting to go get them early and go home. It is really cold here (10 degrees) so we couldn't really walk around town much, and it's a pretty small town so not many stores to go shopping at night, not enough time to drive to the movie theatre... So what are some things that two sober parents can do to have fun on a date night!?

Thanks for reading,
Tara

DoubleBarrel

Ice cream sundaes for dessert. Hadn't done it since high school. Kinda romantic and sweet.

Delilah1

I am on day 15 too, my husband is starting to cut down and will hopefully stop completely. I am trying not to push, just ask subtle questions. We have three kids, and our typical date nights always involved alcohol. I think I would like to go to Dave and Busters or Boomers and play games. Also, signing up to do a mud run together.

vespera

When my husband and I don't drink, we tend to play board games together (well, actually, we do it sober or drinking). Love Scrabble and Bezzerwizzer. Shooting pool at a bar would be way too difficult for me to deal with for a while, if ever.

FenwayFaithful

I haven't gone out since I've gotten sober because of similar fears.

It sounds like you had a fantastic, relaxing night out! You know for a fact that you didn't make a full of yourself, you go to help your kids get ready, enjoy time with them after, and you'll wake up sober tomorrow.

You've shown yourself that you can have a good time sober. I think it will be great to have a husband who is also sober. It's really difficult to stay sober if you're around people who are drinking all the time.

Congratulations on your 15 days and sober night =)

duane1

At restaurants, its more talking about life and less focusing on how long it is before the wife and kids are asleep and I am alone with my bottle.

Natom

Eventually your mind will start to fill up the times when you were used to drinking with something else. Peak times are the hardest. The only thing I can suggest is just actively keep doing something else, like reading a book, or watching a romantic film. You end up finding stuff that you never thought you would like if you put the time into it.

instant

It takes time to get used to it. We just need practice. I went to see a band last night and drank coke. I am choosey about what I go to, it was an album launch of a band I hadn't,t seen.

What would have been a real stretch for me a year ago I can take in my stride.

flutter

It takes time, but you'll find a new 'normal'. If we have a date night away from the kiddo, we do dinner and then sometimes go grocery shopping or run an errand, come home and watch a tv show or movie, and go to bed.. I'm love with going to bed early now and devouring books. It's my new normal

Ready2Stop

I have told my husband (who doesn't have a problem with alcohol abuse) on numerous occasions that I wouldn't go to the movies with him because I knew I couldn't drink at the theater. I think going to the movies on date nights will be fun!

jennikate

Well, bowling, movies, shopping (not as much fun for the guy I guess), cards, games, just talking. And of course, that old standby, well...you know-a little cuddle time.

Ranger

Congratulations on your sober time, and yes, you will find a new, BETTER normal! A few weeks after quitting, my wife went out of town for the weekend. Rather than cracking my first beer at 10:30 Saturday morning, I had a great day that culminated with a solo trip to a movie theater downtown. I cannot describe the sense of gratitude and empowerment I felt as I walked back to my car that night. It was a feeling of newness that persists even now over three years later.

FreeFall

Maybe you and your husband can make a list of ideas together so when you actually get a night out you'll have options to choose from. Check events pages in local newspaper, try new restaurants, go bowling or roller skating, take an adult ed class, organize a neighborhood get together...

choublak

Is there a Barnes and Noble near you? Hang out in there and read!

tara8888

Wow, thanks everyone for the suggestions!
I think in the future we will plan it out better and try some newish sober activities.
I guess I just have to learn all over again what to do with myself now that alcohol is out of the picture.

Tara

tinkanman

as i read this thread and all the great suggestions of things to do, it reminds of what someone said to me about what to do now that i wasn't drinking......."everything you did before, just sober". sounds a little simple, but it works for me.

Jeni26

Me and H quit together 5 months ago after almost 22 years of marriage.
It was strange at first, kind of like starting a whole new relationship.
I was worried that we wouldn't find anything to talk about and that he wouldn't find me so much fun any more.
The first few weeks were kinda like dating for the first time, we were like a couple of teenagers. There was some awkwardness and some anxiety. I guess we were both worried whether we could stay sober and what the long term implications on our marriage would be.
We treated each other with a lot of patience and care. Early sobriety isn't easy and we were both experiencing it at the same time.
We went out for meals, for walk, to the cinema.
5 months later it seems more natural and secure. We still go out and alcohol isn't mentioned at all. We wouldn't go out to a pub unless it was to eat, there wouldn't be much point. We watch DVDs. We cook together. And we've learned to talk and listen to each other properly. All good.
Best of luck to you x